<How to convert to Catholicism when you're an atheist?>

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Hi everyone,
I am an atheist. For many years, I’ve been trying to convert to Catholicism. I have done my best. Following the advice of Pascal, I tried to go through the motions of being a Catholic, hoping that faith would come. So, I went to Mass every Sunday, I even went on mission. I’ve read the Bible twice, and I’ve read a bunch of other books: apologetics, lives of saints, christian novels. I even tried to pray, although it’s pretty hard to pray to someone you don’t believe in. I’ve spoken to numerous priests. Result: nothing. And it’s not the dark night of the soul (people like to mention Mother Teresa and others to me): they did have faith, they were just going through a period when they didn’t feel anything. But I don’t believe either. And it’s not like I have any intellectual objections to faith. Throughout my quest, I have encountered many great arguments for the existence of God; they just didn’t convince me. It’s like with aliens: I agree that aliens might hypothetically exist somewhere, I have no intellectual objections to it, and I still don’t believe they exist; I’ll even bet on it. I think my problem is that I’m not a very “intellectual” person to begin with: I love philosophy and theology, but for me reason is secondary, and feeling comes first. I used to feel something in church when I was a teenager, which is what got me interested in Catholicism (my parents are atheists) - but now I think it was just a mix of superstition and amazement at the beauty of it, stained glass and things. But now even that is gone, and honestly I don’t know what to do. I hate believing in nothing. And I believe that without God life doesn’t have any sense, and there’s no distinction between good and evil. “If there’s no God, then everything is permitted,” like Dostoyevsky wrote. And it’s a pretty scary world to live in. What do you think I can do? Thanks for answering.
 
Hi everyone,
I am an atheist. For many years, I’ve been trying to convert to Catholicism. I have done my best. Following the advice of Pascal, I tried to go through the motions of being a Catholic, hoping that faith would come. So, I went to Mass every Sunday, I even went on mission. I’ve read the Bible twice, and I’ve read a bunch of other books: apologetics, lives of saints, christian novels. I even tried to pray, although it’s pretty hard to pray to someone you don’t believe in. I’ve spoken to numerous priests. Result: nothing. And it’s not the dark night of the soul (people like to mention Mother Teresa and others to me): they did have faith, they were just going through a period when they didn’t feel anything. But I don’t believe either. And it’s not like I have any intellectual objections to faith. Throughout my quest, I have encountered many great arguments for the existence of God; they just didn’t convince me. It’s like with aliens: I agree that aliens might hypothetically exist somewhere, I have no intellectual objections to it, and I still don’t believe they exist; I’ll even bet on it. I think my problem is that I’m not a very “intellectual” person to begin with: I love philosophy and theology, but for me reason is secondary, and feeling comes first. I used to feel something in church when I was a teenager, which is what got me interested in Catholicism (my parents are atheists) - but now I think it was just a mix of superstition and amazement at the beauty of it, stained glass and things. But now even that is gone, and honestly I don’t know what to do. I hate believing in nothing. And I believe that without God life doesn’t have any sense, and there’s no distinction between good and evil. “If there’s no God, then everything is permitted,” like Dostoyevsky wrote. And it’s a pretty scary world to live in. What do you think I can do? Thanks for answering.

Sorry, I didn’t know where to put this, so I put it in several forums…
 
I would say that it may help to start from a historical perspective. The Bible used by the Catholic Church was compiled by the Catholic Church for one. The people that owned the original documents and letters of the New Testament were the ones who assembled it into the canon Scripture.

Also of note is the accounts of the early Saints of the Church, particularly the apostles and other martyrs. It is exceptionally difficult to accept death for most people, yet all of these individuals gave their lives for their belief in the Passion and Resurrection of Jesus. Had it been just the apostles, or just a small group of early Christians, then its claims may be suspect. But throughout history, Catholics chose death over defiance of their faith. It’s unlikely that so many people would have chosen to die over something that wasn’t true.

Another good place to start is reading the Old Testament, especially Isaiah and Psalms, then reading the Gospels to see where the prophecies and symbolism in the Old Testament are fulfilled by Jesus in the New. And again, reading the writings of the Saints, especially Doctors of the Church (some of which you mentioned reading already) can help.

Saying the rosary will also be beneficial. Make sure you find good meditations to read for each mystery. Also I’ve personally found the Chaplet of St. Michael to be a powerful prayer.

From your post, I assume you’ve already been through RCIA? If not, certainly think about that if you seriously want to become Catholic. Talking to a priest or other spiritual director with the Church can also help, and they can probably answer any specific questions you might end up having.

I will say, you shouldn’t necessarily go into anything expecting some miraculous transcendent event or revelation. One of my own (many) specific reasons for being Catholic, aside from my family all being Catholic, is because of the Communion of Saints. I feel like that would be missing from any other Christian denomination, and especially from other religions. It’s profoundly comforting to know that there are entire centuries worth of people who lived before me supporting me, individually. Likewise, I can’t think of any other religions off the top of my head whose deity gave up their own life to save mine.

He and I, by Gabrielle Bossis is one book I highly recommend. I’ve heard the introduction is a bit new age-y, but I don’t read introductions normally anyway, so I had no problem skipping over it.

If you have any questions, feel free to message me. I don’t usually get many PMs on here, but I check nearly every day, so I’ll see it pretty quickly. I’ll be praying for you.
 
They say that Faith is a gift from God. I used not to believe this, rather seeing it as an act of reasoned belief. I do not believe it is that easy now. I now accept that it is indeed a gift from God.
On that basis, I suggest you take a break from the intellectual justification that you have used, as I would have, to come to a position of reasoned belief.
I would simply pray for faith. This may seem ludicrous given you do not believe in God. It is like writing to Santa after the age of five. However, in my old age, I have given up the toys of my youth, intellectual reason independent from humility; certainty in reason alone, and took on the foolishness of faith as the wisdom of God.
Thus prayer to the unknown God is an active jump in faith that may well bear fruit in His gift of Wisdom and Knowledge in the Holy Spirit. Perseverance is likely to be hard. I find prayer very hard. They say it is a conversation with God. He seemed very deaf most of my life. In my old age I have got deaf to, so we just sit and look at the fire together. Comfortable.

Give it a go, as Pascal would say; what the harm?
 
Nemorivaga said:
Sorry, I didn’t know where to put this, so I put it in several forums…
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DO NOT DO THAT!

See here for help to choose the right forum. Sent PM s to the moderators of each forum asking them to close your threads. Yours should rather go to, i think, back fence. ask a mod to move this thread there, as you have received responses.
 
There’s great advice in the above posts.
If reading the Gospel of John or about the lives of the Saints does not help your faith, try to recapture that feeling in church when you were a teenager.
Go directly to the Presence of Almighty God during an exposition of the Blessed Sacrament (preferably at a Marian Shrine).
Show Him reverence and thank Him.
Share with Him your desire for a genuine intimate union.
Then stop. Be quiet. Just wait. Be quiet…
Listen with the ears of your heart.
See if He emphasizes His love and Fatherhood for you.
See if He gifts you with the blessing of Faith that you truly need at that moment.

The Eucharist and the Conversion of the Atheist Writer André Frossard
:getholy:
 
Hi Nemorivaga,

I’m no expert to this, but I’ll try to answer based on what I believe and what I’ve experienced 🙂 Hope I’m not boring you.

My experience with Catholicism was somewhat kind of similar (that I was not convinced). I was born and raised catholic, had my catholic education, but even with going to church every Sunday did mean nothing to me. I only turned to God when I need something, even so, I never really trust God 100%. It was like, ‘Ok, God did not answer my prayers.’ So I never really prayed wholeheartedly.

I thought maybe seeing hypocrites in the church really making me indifferent about the religion. Because really, I felt nothing. I felt nothing until some of my friends started to asked me questions about Catholicism, and some would go as far as attacking what I ‘believe’. It was the beginning for me. I was frustrated when I did not know the answer to my friends’ questions. I felt sad and upset when others talk bad about catholic. And I realized, ‘so… I care…’ From there I started to re-learn my faith.

So, for me, faith has to come first. It’s not having the best knowledge, because even the smartest people can be expert in theology and have no faith. You mentioned about feeling in your post. When you read the bible about Jesus, how do you feel? Did it move your heart? About Blessed Virgin Mary, a mother, who saw her son suffered, but never protested? Maybe you can ask those question when you read the bible again, if the answer is ‘yes, I feel something’, then you’re good! Love, empathy, or even curiosity can lead to faith 🙂

Plus, having a faith gives us hope. Your situation with prayer seems to be like a catch 22, but don’t lose hope! If you want to convert, then pray, and pray more, instead of trying hard to find a reason. Pray to God to open up your heart, and for faith. You can ask others to pray for you, I will pray for you. You’ve got nothing to lose 😉 God bless you!
 
Dear Nemorivaga

The desire of your heart to have faith is the first step to receiving grace and the more you desire God the more God will come to you. I would suggest you keep and open mind and an open heart and continue seeking for the Lord and asking God for the gift of faith. Ask seek and you shall find. If you need something or have a question talk to Jesus about it.

Also continue to learn about God because you can’t love what or who you don’t know. Say Shakespeare work, how would you know you loved Shakespeare if you never read Shakespeare? So the more you know about God through prayer and study, the more you will come to love God and see God working in your life.

Here’s a prayer you might pray and make prayer a regular part of your day. It should never be hard to pray, just open up your heart and speak from it.

Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to Thee with humble trust, saying,
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations,
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials,
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes; in disappointments, troubles and sorrows,
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good come from my efforts,
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Thy grace alone can assist me,
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Thy tender love as Father and Savior,
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me,
Jesus, help me!
When sickness and loneliness overcome me,
Jesus, help me!
Always, in weakness, falls and shortcomings of every kind,
Jesus, help me and never forsake me.

God bless you…
 
Nemorivaga said:
Hi everyone,
I am an atheist. For many years, I’ve been trying to convert to Catholicism. I have done my best. Following the advice of Pascal, I tried to go through the motions of being a Catholic, hoping that faith would come. So, I went to Mass every Sunday, I even went on mission. I’ve read the Bible twice, and I’ve read a bunch of other books: apologetics, lives of saints, christian novels. I even tried to pray, although it’s pretty hard to pray to someone you don’t believe in. I’ve spoken to numerous priests. Result: nothing. And it’s not the dark night of the soul (people like to mention Mother Teresa and others to me): they did have faith, they were just going through a period when they didn’t feel anything. But I don’t believe either. And it’s not like I have any intellectual objections to faith. Throughout my quest, I have encountered many great arguments for the existence of God; they just didn’t convince me. It’s like with aliens: I agree that aliens might hypothetically exist somewhere, I have no intellectual objections to it, and I still don’t believe they exist; I’ll even bet on it. I think my problem is that I’m not a very “intellectual” person to begin with: I love philosophy and theology, but for me reason is secondary, and feeling comes first. I used to feel something in church when I was a teenager, which is what got me interested in Catholicism (my parents are atheists) - but now I think it was just a mix of superstition and amazement at the beauty of it, stained glass and things. But now even that is gone, and honestly I don’t know what to do. I hate believing in nothing. And I believe that without God life doesn’t have any sense, and there’s no distinction between good and evil. “If there’s no God, then everything is permitted,” like Dostoyevsky wrote. And it’s a pretty scary world to live in. What do you think I can do? Thanks for answering.
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Why not write one of the apologists online and ask for advice and suggestions or call in on one of Catholic Answer’s call ins for atheists?

These apologists do this, have worked with people in all kinds of scenarios, are experts, know how to handle all kinds of situations. In your case, you have an openness and willingness that many other atheists lack.

I think they can work with you.

Had you ever attended RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation) at you local church? In RCIA, it’s for people who want to be Catholic or have questions about the faith. They have experience with this, might be able to offer some suggestions.

There are bunches of options, sky’s the limit.

You can also talk to a priest in your parish, ask for tips.

Good luck, and God speed! 👍
 
Oh yeah, and you can read books on apologetics, such as the “Handbook of Christian Apologetics” by Peter Kreeft, which contains a section on how to reach atheists. You can use the book as a reference, flip to that section, start reading.

Insofar as a belief in God, there are Thomas Aquinas’ “Five Proofs for the Existence of God”. Peter Kreeft, I think came up with about twenty!
lol

There are also other books, probably in CAF’s store, too.
 
Add an understanding of natural law and common sense to your search as well. :yup:
 
Nemorivaga said:
I love philosophy and theology, but for me reason is secondary, and feeling comes first.
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We will pray for you. May I post your name in the intention thread? I need permission according to forum rules.

And may I consecrate you to Jesus through Mary? Again, I need your permission as it is your soul.

If you are sincerely trying to believe, you will believe- you have our prayers.
 
Nemorivaga said:
Hi everyone,
I am an atheist. For many years, I’ve been trying to convert to Catholicism. I have done my best. Following the advice of Pascal, I tried to go through the motions of being a Catholic, hoping that faith would come. So, I went to Mass every Sunday, I even went on mission. I’ve read the Bible twice, and I’ve read a bunch of other books: apologetics, lives of saints, christian novels. I even tried to pray, although it’s pretty hard to pray to someone you don’t believe in. I’ve spoken to numerous priests. Result: nothing. And it’s not the dark night of the soul (people like to mention Mother Teresa and others to me): they did have faith, they were just going through a period when they didn’t feel anything. But I don’t believe either. And it’s not like I have any intellectual objections to faith. Throughout my quest, I have encountered many great arguments for the existence of God; they just didn’t convince me. It’s like with aliens: I agree that aliens might hypothetically exist somewhere, I have no intellectual objections to it, and I still don’t believe they exist; I’ll even bet on it. I think my problem is that I’m not a very “intellectual” person to begin with: I love philosophy and theology, but for me reason is secondary, and feeling comes first. I used to feel something in church when I was a teenager, which is what got me interested in Catholicism (my parents are atheists) - but now I think it was just a mix of superstition and amazement at the beauty of it, stained glass and things. But now even that is gone, and honestly I don’t know what to do. I hate believing in nothing. And I believe that without God life doesn’t have any sense, and there’s no distinction between good and evil. “If there’s no God, then everything is permitted,” like Dostoyevsky wrote. And it’s a pretty scary world to live in. What do you think I can do? Thanks for answering.
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You bring up some good points and there is something is like you to consider.

We can reason, do theology, go through the motions until the cows come home, but at the end of the day those things are nothing compared to conversion of heart.

When our paradigm turns from self focus to God and neighbor focus, that is conversion. When we relinquish control daily to God, that is conversion.

I believe God tugged at your heart as a teenager and continues to tug. But despite all those tugs, have you really let him in, or have you just tried him on for size.

Going through the motions in church is like hearing about an incredible 5 star restaurant with the best food you can imagine. So you go and you look at the outside , you sit at a booth, admire the decor, touch the plates and silverware, admire the menu, listen to the waiter describe the goodness of the food, Maybe even order a drink or some small appetizer, but you never order the meal. You repeat this over and over but can’t quite bring yourself to order the meal.

“What if it’s not that good”. "What if it’s not satisfying " "what if everyone else is delusional about it’s virtues ". “I heard they messed up orders a few times”

So you don’t order it, and walk away and say, “I just don’t get what everyone thinks is so special about that”

I would challenge you to examine your own journey in that light, step out in faith and order up a big course of a good RCIA program.

My blog post on conversion may help you too.
findingthecatholicchurch.blogspot.com/2013/03/what-is-conversion-tale-of-two-sons.html?m=1

God Bless
 
Nemorivaga said:
Hi everyone,
I am an atheist. For many years, I’ve been trying to convert to Catholicism. I have done my best. Following the advice of Pascal, I tried to go through the motions of being a Catholic, hoping that faith would come. So, I went to Mass every Sunday, I even went on mission. I’ve read the Bible twice, and I’ve read a bunch of other books: apologetics, lives of saints, christian novels. I even tried to pray, although it’s pretty hard to pray to someone you don’t believe in. I’ve spoken to numerous priests. Result: nothing. And it’s not the dark night of the soul (people like to mention Mother Teresa and others to me): they did have faith, they were just going through a period when they didn’t feel anything. But I don’t believe either. And it’s not like I have any intellectual objections to faith. Throughout my quest, I have encountered many great arguments for the existence of God; they just didn’t convince me. It’s like with aliens: I agree that aliens might hypothetically exist somewhere, I have no intellectual objections to it, and I still don’t believe they exist; I’ll even bet on it. I think my problem is that I’m not a very “intellectual” person to begin with: I love philosophy and theology, but for me reason is secondary, and feeling comes first. I used to feel something in church when I was a teenager, which is what got me interested in Catholicism (my parents are atheists) - but now I think it was just a mix of superstition and amazement at the beauty of it, stained glass and things. But now even that is gone, and honestly I don’t know what to do. I hate believing in nothing. And I believe that without God life doesn’t have any sense, and there’s no distinction between good and evil. “If there’s no God, then everything is permitted,” like Dostoyevsky wrote. And it’s a pretty scary world to live in. What do you think I can do? Thanks for answering.
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The word “faith” means “trust”. Faith is not a feeling but a conscious decision.

There is some evidence that some people are born predisposed to feel religious, and some are not. However, religious is not about feelings, but objective truth. Logically and rationally, I believe in God’s existence; this alone got me through a dark time that I felt like an atheist.

Mother Teresa was herself almost an Atheist; she spent almost all her life not feeling Christ’s Love. Her actions were not mere motions, however, but acts of physical worship. Showing compassion for the sickest of the sick, the poorest of the poor is faith. Praying the offices daily, not feeling any peace, that is faith. Advocating for the unborn, when their value is based on a soul she was unsure about, that is faith.

If you want to be a Catholic, you must go “through the motions”, and believe they have value. I won’t pretend it is not difficult; you must trust that a piece of bread is God Incarnate, for instance. You must trust that the feelings of belief are not necessary to convert; assent of the will is.
 
Thank you for sharing your journey thus far. Very thorough and very helpful. Cutting first of all to your questions…
I hate believing in nothing. And I believe that without God life doesn’t have any sense, and there’s no distinction between good and evil. “If there’s no God, then everything is permitted,” like Dostoyevsky wrote. And it’s a pretty scary world to live in. What do you think I can do? Thanks for answering.
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This is wonderful as it expresses much about why you seek to know God. If I may be so bold, I believe that you may discover one day that you already possess the faith you seek - or at least the seeds of faith. You may just be unaware of it yet, for faith can sometimes be hidden - clouded by various misconceptions or from trying too hard.

You ask - what do I think you can do…I offer two things
First - - Don’t try so hard.
You have read much - but have you absorbed the core? Jesus reduced all of the Law and All of the Prophets down to just two commandments and these two commandments have a single root.
The commandments are 1) Love God above all, and 2) Love neighbor as yourself (Mt 22:36-40). Do you see that we are taught here that Love (Agape) is the root and core of all else? Later, in 1 John 4:7-8 we discover that the reason for this is because God IS Love.
So - let me ask you this. Do you believe in Love? Do you believe in the power of Love? In the great restorative and creative benefits of a deep and profound brotherly love that seeks only the good of others? Do you believe in this firmly?
If you firmly believe in this, and I believe that you do from what you have written, then I assure you that you already believe in God.
See what I mean about having faith without knowing it - without recognizing it?
You made the statement in your post…
I think my problem is that I’m not a very “intellectual” person to begin with: I love philosophy and theology, but for me reason is secondary, and feeling comes first.
So - what IS your feeling? If, as you say a world without God is frightening because there is no firm difference between good and evil…and if your heart tells you that you must embrace and stand up for what is good…then you already believe…

Does this make sense?

The second thing I recommend is…Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you must make a firm decision - for or against something. Consider - in your post you say,
It’s like with aliens: I agree that aliens might hypothetically exist somewhere, I have no intellectual objections to it, and I still don’t believe they exist; I’ll even bet on it.
My question to you is - - Why do you feel the need to take the position that they do not exist. You admit the possibility so why not leave it at that? Why take the next step and choose to not believe they exist? Why be willing to bet on it?
This may seem like a rather subtle distinction - but I believe it is an important one. It is the subtle difference between recognizing or not recognizing the gift of faith and grace God has given you already. It is the subtle difference between closing the door and leaving it open.

Please know that I speak from experience on this. While I never embraced atheism, I have spent many years questioning, doubting, wandering, and having to just hang onto God when my intellect and my feelings wanted me to let go.

So please don’t give up. God has already blessed you with a good heart and a curious mind. You already have a good basic faith that you simply have not recognized yet. Once you do recognize and embrace it you will be able to begin building on it. you will go back through the Gospels and see how God, Agape, flows through all of Christ’s teaching - How Agape is the very core and basis of the mass - How all of the Church’s teachings are founded in Agape - and how Agape should be the very guiding principle of our lives our hearts.

I hope the above is of some help to you.

Peace
James
 
Jack007 said:
We will pray for you. May I post your name in the intention thread? I need permission according to forum rules.

And may I consecrate you to Jesus through Mary? Again, I need your permission as it is your soul.
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Thanks, of course you can do this. My name is Ellis. I’ve asked many people to pray for me over the years. It’s like Niels Bohr who had a horseshoe over his doorway: when he was asked, “Do you believe in that?” he answered “No, but it helps unbelievers too.”

I’ve officially joined the Church a couple years ago. Naturally, the priest who had done my catechism didn’t know that I don’t believe in God; I feel bad about lying, but I had a foolish, superstitious idea that taking communion would suddenly make it right, like taking a pill or something. It’s amazing how much easier it is to accept superstitious nonsense than to actually believe. Maybe that’s why so many people who are complete materialists still buy into new agy things… Anyhow, it didn’t work; nothing changed (of course). But I still go to church and I actually came close to converting several other people - but not myself.
JRKH said:
So - what IS your feeling? If, as you say a world without God is frightening because there is no firm difference between good and evil…and if your heart tells you that you must embrace and stand up for what is good…then you already believe…
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Actually, there is a lot in my heart that is outright evil. That is why Catholic teaching seems to me, if not convincing, then at least probable, especially concerning original sin and the devil. Because there is a part of me that says: “Even if there is a God, I don’t want anything to do with Him. I *want *to be damned; I *want *to be unhappy.” This reminds me of C.S.Lewis: nobody goes to hell except willingly. But it’s very real, this attraction to darkness, to annihilation, to what people call “evil” in short.
 
JRKH said:
You have read much - but have you absorbed the core? Jesus reduced all of the Law and All of the Prophets down to just two commandments and these two commandments have a single root.
The commandments are 1) Love God above all, and 2) Love neighbor as yourself (Mt 22:36-40). Do you see that we are taught here that Love (Agape) is the root and core of all else? Later, in 1 John 4:7-8 we discover that the reason for this is because God IS Love.
So - let me ask you this. Do you believe in Love? Do you believe in the power of Love? In the great restorative and creative benefits of a deep and profound brotherly love that seeks only the good of others? Do you believe in this firmly?
Click to expand...
I believe that if God does exist and He had died on the cross for us, that yes, nothing is more important than Him, and He is Love, so our love for Him and for others must be boundless. But it’s easy to theorize about love and very hard to show just the tiniest bit for it. Without faith, I don’t think I’m strong enough to love others as myself. Well actually it’s really easy, because I don’t even love myself… but that’s not the point. I think you’re on to something here.

Thanks to everyone for great answers!
 
Nemorivaga said:
I’ve officially joined the Church a couple years ago. Naturally, the priest who had done my catechism didn’t know that I don’t believe in God; I feel bad about lying, but I had a foolish, superstitious idea that taking communion would suddenly make it right, like taking a pill or something. It’s amazing how much easier it is to accept superstitious nonsense than to actually believe. Maybe that’s why so many people who are complete materialists still buy into new agy things… Anyhow, it didn’t work; nothing changed (of course). But I still go to church and I actually came close to converting several other people - but not myself.
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I am sorry to hear this…but it is a wonderful testimony to Paul’s admonishment to the Corinthians about receiving communion worthily lest one eat and drink judgment on themselves. (1 Cor 11:23-34).
Yet still I think that your desire to believe is strong and so taking communion probably still provided graces to you.
That said though…I think that what you really need more than communion is confession. You need to talk to your priest.
Actually, there is a lot in my heart that is outright evil. That is why Catholic teaching seems to me, if not convincing, then at least probable, especially concerning original sin and the devil. Because there is a part of me that says: “Even if there is a God, I don’t want anything to do with Him. I *want *to be damned; I *want *to be unhappy.” This reminds me of C.S.Lewis: nobody goes to hell except willingly. But it’s very real, this attraction to darkness, to annihilation, to what people call “evil” in short.
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Again - this is something that needs to be gotten out in the open with your confessor.
I believe that if God does exist and He had died on the cross for us, that yes, nothing is more important than Him, and He is Love, so our love for Him and for others must be boundless. But it’s easy to theorize about love and very hard to show just the tiniest bit for it. Without faith, I don’t think I’m strong enough to love others as myself. Well actually it’s really easy, because I don’t even love myself… but that’s not the point. I think you’re on to something here.
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Glad this is of help.
Yes it is easy to “theorize”, to talk about love and much harder to show it - especially when the world is so full of temptations away from Agape (brotherly love). Yet, I can say with absolute assurance that this is the one thing that satan cannot overcome. He must flee from it. It is poison to Him. This is why the name of Jesus and the name of God is so powerful against him. These are names of pure love.

The problem that you have been encountering is not so much that you do not believe - for you obviously DO believe in love, but rather that you have difficulty embracing that love in a world so full of temptation away from love. And this has invaded even your own heart.

I have expressed twice that you speak with your priest…that you “come clean” with him. That you seek his council, his forgiveness, and his blessing. I will further suggest that you take the time to carefully write out what you wish to share with him. What you shared here is a perfect starting point. Make a list of points that are troubling you. Share your concern over these tendencies toward evil and lack of self love. He may suggest that, in addition to spiritual counseling, that you might benefit from a visit to your doctor.

In any event, allow me to encourage you to continue to fight the good fight. You may not have broken through yet but I believe it will come. Continue to post here. It is a wonderful place to explore these things as there are many wise and loving folks here.

But start with Love. Yes it is difficult - the most difficult of all - but it IS the key. Embrace the idea. Embrace the call. Embrace the acts of loving. Satan will fight back…he will try harder to tempt you away from the light of love…but he cannot overpower love so long as we remain steadfastly focused on it.

Peace
James
 
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