How to convince catholics the need for confession

  • Thread starter Thread starter thomasf
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

thomasf

Guest
I have several catholic friends, and even family members, that are resistant to the sacrament of confession. Both of my sisters refuse to go to confession. A good friend of mine, who is somewhat fallen away, doesn’t understand the need for a priest in order to ask for forgiveness.

I have tried to explain both the biblical and traditional explanations for the sacrament. I have tried talking up the positive effects of confession, the great gifts of grace that come from confession. It doesn’t seem to matter, I keep getting the same kind of responses and I feel as though I am talking to a wall. It’s almost like talking to a protestant about the faith when trying to explain and convince people of confession. Catholics, who should know these things!

It is frustrating. No matter how many times I boil it down to the simple fact that Jesus gave His apostles the power to forgive sins, and in turn the bishops and priests that succeed the apostles, it seems to be all for naught. In the case of my one sister in particular, she can’t get over the idea of confessing sins to a man. Why do we have to tell a man? Why can’t I just tell God directly. And no matter what my answer is, she just resists.

I am somewhat convinced that this is partially the result of the priest scandal. The people of the church don’t trust the priests any more, especially when it comes to confession. Whatever force that was behind the scandal, and I am partial to blaming Satan, the effects are far reaching throughout the church. Including scaring folks away from confession. Even catholics themselves. And that’s a horrible shame.

I am at a loss for what to do next for my sisters and friends. It is very frustrating. Especially since I can almost see them bearing down and closing their hearts and refusing to hear the truth. I know one thing for sure, that you can’t have Christ living inside you if you aren’t willing to empty yourself to let Him in.

Argh.
 
Why do we do laundry? Why do we have showers even when we aren’t really that dirty?

Answer those questions, and you have your answer to why we need confession. I know that sounds kind of stupid…but that’s how i feel after.

I’ve determined you can’t beat dogma and faith into people’s heads. If their hearts and ears are already hardened, only the Holy Spirit can chip away at the granite. Eventually they will have questions.

If we must explain, the key part is to communicate that it is really Jesus waiting for us in the confessional, to hear our pains and troubles.

hope this kind of helps…

-revelatiosn
 
in this diocese the bishop is addressing the problem of adult Catholics separated from the sacraments is being systematically addressed by our bishop. Last Lent he promoted a program in all parishes, in conjunction with local PBS station, which the diocese runs, to bring all Catholic adults to Confirmation and First Communion. About 800 were confirmed in one Celebration, in addition to about 800 Confirmed at the “regular” adult ceremony on Pentecost.

This year he is addressing the sacrament of Penance, again TV programs on 3 successive Sundays in English and Spanish, with follow-up classes and penance services in the parishes. I think and hope marriage convalidation is next on the agenda, to ramp up the existing programs. He has also revised guidelines for sacrament of anointing of the sick and encouraged that sacrament to be celebrated regularly in the parishes.

Ordination–he has established a diocesan seminary, we have 29 in the pipeline, pretty good for a rather small diocese.

all priests are supposed to be preaching on sin and the need for confession during Lent.
 
I just don’t get this attitude so many have about going to a man and not directly to God. That’s a protestant attitude, and imo too many people are listening to protestant views of our sacraments. I think it’s just an excuse to not deal with it. Because I think, we all know that if we left it up to ‘confessing straight to God’ none of us ever would do that. That whole line of thinking is a cop out.
 
thomasf said:
I just don’t get this attitude so many have about going to a man and not directly to God. That’s a protestant attitude, and imo too many people are listening to protestant views of our sacraments. I think it’s just an excuse to not deal with it. Because I think, we all know that if we left it up to ‘confessing straight to God’ none of us ever would do that. That whole line of thinking is a cop out.
Click to expand...
you’re right. i stayed away from confession for a number of years and gave myself a number of reasons for doing so…but it all boiled down to me not wanting to do it because i was afraid and it made me nervous. it didn’t help that i was attending a parish that offered communal services without emphasizing individual confession*, or that i was an impressionable high schooler at the time. i had a teacher (religious sister) that said she didn’t understand why we had to go to confession and tell our sins to a man. i held onto that excuse for years…i mean, after all, Sr. said it, so it must have some validity.

basically i think people find all the excuses they can not to go, especially if they have serious/embarrassing sins to confess. it doesn’t help if they are poorly catechized. for most, i don’t think it has anything to do with the priest scandal other than the fact that they might use that as an excuse as well.

*just a side note–i still sometimes read the church/school news from this parish. in the latest edition, the principal said that the priest would be having a communal service for the students this Lent. if parents wanted their children to go to individual reconciliation, they would have to take them themselves.
 
I think that having a good priest that ‘reminds’ or ‘calls’ his people to confession helps as well. Our priest now will remind people from time to time.
 
thomasf said:
II am at a loss for what to do next for my sisters and friends. It is very frustrating. Especially since I can almost see them bearing down and closing their hearts and refusing to hear the truth. I know one thing for sure, that you can’t have Christ living inside you if you aren’t willing to empty yourself to let Him in.
Click to expand...
Well put, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I too have people close to me who don’t go. 😦

There are a number of excellent talks on confession available for free at www.CatholiCity.com. I highly recommend them! 👍 Maybe you can listen to them and then give them to your sisters and friends to listen to…perhaps hearing it from someone other than you will help (not saying you’re doing anything wrong, but sometimes people respond better to strangers than to those closest to them. 😦 )

Best wishes and God bless. Keep shining God’s light for them, even when it’s frustrating and difficult – you never know if someone is right on the verge of a renewal of faith, and your words might be just what they need! 👍
 
thomasf said:
I have several catholic friends, and even family members, that are resistant to the sacrament of confession. Both of my sisters refuse to go to confession. A good friend of mine, who is somewhat fallen away, doesn’t understand the need for a priest in order to ask for forgiveness.

I have tried to explain both the biblical and traditional explanations for the sacrament. I have tried talking up the positive effects of confession, the great gifts of grace that come from confession. It doesn’t seem to matter, I keep getting the same kind of responses and I feel as though I am talking to a wall. It’s almost like talking to a protestant about the faith when trying to explain and convince people of confession. Catholics, who should know these things!

It is frustrating. No matter how many times I boil it down to the simple fact that Jesus gave His apostles the power to forgive sins, and in turn the bishops and priests that succeed the apostles, it seems to be all for naught. In the case of my one sister in particular, she can’t get over the idea of confessing sins to a man. Why do we have to tell a man? Why can’t I just tell God directly. And no matter what my answer is, she just resists.

I am somewhat convinced that this is partially the result of the priest scandal. The people of the church don’t trust the priests any more, especially when it comes to confession. Whatever force that was behind the scandal, and I am partial to blaming Satan, the effects are far reaching throughout the church. Including scaring folks away from confession. Even catholics themselves. And that’s a horrible shame.

I am at a loss for what to do next for my sisters and friends. It is very frustrating. Especially since I can almost see them bearing down and closing their hearts and refusing to hear the truth. I know one thing for sure, that you can’t have Christ living inside you if you aren’t willing to empty yourself to let Him in.

Argh.
Click to expand...
Next time you offend one of your family members and they resent your offense to them, give them a blank stare. When they finally ask what is wrong with you or what are you thinking…simply tell them, " oh nothing, I was just asking forgiveness in my mind".

Why should you ask forgiveness to another human being?

Comprende?
Tell them! next time you stick your hands or tongue out to recieve the Body of Christ (just before the person in front of you recieves communion) take a second and say (at the speed of sound) oh yeah, God, sorry for my…oops, out of time,oh well you get the idea God - and take your own condemnation.😛

We catholics are worst than protestants when it comes to the Sacrament of Penance. We brush off the inexhaustable source of grace like speeding thru the yellow light before it turns red.

Thomas my friend, sometimes you have to be harsh in your preaching. Kind of like St. John the Baptist who “rubbed” the pharisees the wrong way but said it like it was.

Sticking our hands or tongue out can be a child-like act of reverence, asking for God to nourish us with His Son’s Body…or it can be a sardonic mockery and disdain for His gift of grace.
 
February said:
you’re right. i stayed away from confession for a number of years and gave myself a number of reasons for doing so…but it all boiled down to me not wanting to do it because i was afraid and it made me nervous.
Click to expand...
I did the exact same thing.
 
thomasf said:
I have several catholic friends, and even family members, that are resistant to the sacrament of confession. Both of my sisters refuse to go to confession. A good friend of mine, who is somewhat fallen away, doesn’t understand the need for a priest in order to ask for forgiveness.

I have tried to explain both the biblical and traditional explanations for the sacrament. I have tried talking up the positive effects of confession, the great gifts of grace that come from confession. It doesn’t seem to matter, I keep getting the same kind of responses and I feel as though I am talking to a wall. It’s almost like talking to a protestant about the faith when trying to explain and convince people of confession. Catholics, who should know these things!

It is frustrating. No matter how many times I boil it down to the simple fact that Jesus gave His apostles the power to forgive sins, and in turn the bishops and priests that succeed the apostles, it seems to be all for naught. In the case of my one sister in particular, she can’t get over the idea of confessing sins to a man. Why do we have to tell a man? Why can’t I just tell God directly. And no matter what my answer is, she just resists.

I am somewhat convinced that this is partially the result of the priest scandal. The people of the church don’t trust the priests any more, especially when it comes to confession. Whatever force that was behind the scandal, and I am partial to blaming Satan, the effects are far reaching throughout the church. Including scaring folks away from confession. Even catholics themselves. And that’s a horrible shame.

I am at a loss for what to do next for my sisters and friends. It is very frustrating. Especially since I can almost see them bearing down and closing their hearts and refusing to hear the truth. I know one thing for sure, that you can’t have Christ living inside you if you aren’t willing to empty yourself to let Him in.

Argh.
Click to expand...
Thomas, my friend - first of all I apologize for my “cut-off” message from yesterday. Yes there was more I meant to say:)
In your last paragraph you indicate that the priest scandal may be at the root of your sister’s and friend’s reluctance to go to confession.
I used to be an Army recruiter and one of the sales techniques they taught us was to meet the objections exactly. I’ll explain. If in fact the priest scandal is the reason for not going to confession, ask them, “so if there had never been a priest scandal, you would go to confession…is that the question?” They will either have to say yes or no. If they say “no” then that’s where you have them…“then what is the real question?” Often times an objection is just a question in disguise. You can’t answer or confront an objection, but you can answer a question. Use the technique over and over to smoke out the real question. "So if the Catholic church were more like the way you like it to be, you would be a good catholic, is that the question? Look at all the implications (can of worms) this statement opens up. I hope this is useful to you.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.
 
A while back I heard some Catholics say that that the Penitential Rite in the Mass (“I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault . . .”) now serves the same purpose as the Sacrament of Penance.
 
signit said:
A while back I heard some Catholics say that that the Penitential Rite in the Mass (“I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault . . .”) now serves the same purpose as the Sacrament of Penance.
Click to expand...
Wrong. Negative. Not the same and not sufficient. There is no replacement for the Sacrament of Penance, none.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.
 
signit said:
A while back I heard some Catholics say that that the Penitential Rite in the Mass (“I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault . . .”) now serves the same purpose as the Sacrament of Penance.
Click to expand...
That pertains to VENIAL sins only. Right before the congregation prays the confetior the priest instructs us to call to mind our sins. The moment of silence at that point is when we are to recall all the venial sins we have committed since we last received the Eucharist. With those in mind, we pray the prayer and father absolves us of THOSE sins which enables us to receive the Eucharist worthily.

If, however, we have a mortal sin we cannot go to communion without receiving the sacrament of reconciliation for that confessed sin.

Too many catholics do not realize how easy it is to commit mortal sin. Not attending mass on Sunday is a mortal sin. Receiving the eucharist when you’re in a sexual relationship outside of marriage is a mortal sin. Taking the Lord’s name in vain is a mortal sin. These fall under the 10 commandments and we catholics know from early on that we aren’t to do those things, yet as adults we do it all too easily. KNOWING they are against God’s commandment, KNOWING we aren’t to receive the Eucharist if we do those things, but ACTING anyway against those rules is what a mortal sin is.

People think mortal sin has to be killing somebody or robbing a bank, something monumental, but it isn’t. We must educate our Catholic brothers and sisters about what mortal sin is, then they’ll see/feel the need to be absolved of those sins they really didn’t know were as bad as they thought. I think they ‘knew’ but didn’t ‘realize’ it because our culture rationalizes and trivializes so many things.
 
I started researching converting to the Church a few years before the priest/pedophilia scandal. Apparently the problem with Catholics not going to Confession and empty confessional lines started with VII (or just after) when Catholics were no longer obligated to confess once a week. Concupiscence took over in that area too, just plain old human nature (now). So I would doubt that any of the objections (except bonified questions, possibly) are the real reason they aren’t going.:rolleyes:
 
brigid12 said:
I started researching converting to the Church a few years before the priest/pedophilia scandal. Apparently the problem with Catholics not going to Confession and empty confessional lines started with VII (or just after) when Catholics were no longer obligated to confess once a week. Concupiscence took over in that area too, just plain old human nature (now). So I would doubt that any of the objections (except bonified questions, possibly) are the real reason they aren’t going.:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
Catholics have never been obligated to confess once a week. I doubt they were ever obligated to confess more than once a year as they are now.

It’s just that there was more catechesis pre-Vatican 2 on sin and on the need to confess mortal sins prior to Communion.
 
mangy_dog said:
Thomas, my friend - first of all I apologize for my “cut-off” message from yesterday. Yes there was more I meant to say:)
In your last paragraph you indicate that the priest scandal may be at the root of your sister’s and friend’s reluctance to go to confession.
I used to be an Army recruiter and one of the sales techniques they taught us was to meet the objections exactly. I’ll explain. If in fact the priest scandal is the reason for not going to confession, ask them, “so if there had never been a priest scandal, you would go to confession…is that the question?” They will either have to say yes or no. If they say “no” then that’s where you have them…“then what is the real question?” Often times an objection is just a question in disguise. You can’t answer or confront an objection, but you can answer a question. Use the technique over and over to smoke out the real question. "So if the Catholic church were more like the way you like it to be, you would be a good catholic, is that the question? Look at all the implications (can of worms) this statement opens up. I hope this is useful to you.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.
Click to expand...
The biggest person I have a problem with is my sister. She won’t come out and say why she won’t go to the priest, but I suspect it’s because of the scandal. She keeps saying “I can’t go to a man to confess. I confess to God.” Which sounds very protestant to me, and makes me mad. And of course I do the whole spiel with bible verses and proof from the bible, etc. She just refuses to answer and repeats the “I can’t go to a man” line again.

I have been doing some thinking about this. My sister was/is in the military. She’s a reserve now. I have heard that many catholics in the military are often ‘attacked’ by protestants, that there is a lot of protestant pressure in the military, etc. She knows a lot of protestants, often brings up protestant ideas and theologies. IMO she doesn’t know enough about the catholic faith she was blessed to be raised in, and lets these protestants influence her a bit too much. She’s got this idea that she doesn’t have to follow certain concepts and teachings because she doesn’t agree with them. And imo, because it contradicts some sort of sins that she is steeped in. Rather than change the sin, let’s change the church so I can feel better.

This bothers me so much. Very early on in my reversion to the church, I realized that I had to empty myself and be open to the truths of the church. Even if I didn’t agree with the teachings, I believed the church held the truth and if it was true I had to accept it. So I did.

Too many catholics just won’t take that attitude. Ego gets in the way. Too many think they know better and that they don’t have to accept the truth.

The real issue is how do you get to that heart of the matter and change that opinion?

I love the results of confession. It is true grace, true freedom. But I gotta be honest, I get nervous and worked up about it, and drag my feet about going, etc. It is scarey. But I persist, I endure, and I obey. Because the results and the rewards are great. It saddens me that i can’t get that through to these so-called catholics.They are only hurting themselves.
 
My mom was the same way at first–resistant to a fault. I took her along to confession one day, and she actually went in line and did it on impulse. I’m guessing she was thinking she should, and the situation just made her feel like it was the right thing to do. Now she goes with me and we enjoy it together.

They might be wanting to go internally, but are just afraid. Maybe you could take them along with you too? You could tell them just to sit and pray, and when they see you come out in a few moments unscarred (:p) they won’t be scared anymore? It worked for us.
 
If my sister didn’t live 5 states away that might be an option. But she does, so it’s not. Thanks for the advice though.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top