How to deal w/being on receiving end of slander by family member: Help please

[AngelaMarie]

I need both help and support.
I have just learned and gotten confirmation that I have been slandered by a member of my family, though to my face, they act like everything is ok.

I have not said anything to my family member, though I am hurt.
I am a devout disciple, and they are agnostic, so our foundations which our values are founded on, are different.

I am looking to the Lord. I am praying. But I hurt. I am betrayed.

Help, please

 

[Allegra]

How close of a family member is this? Is it a relationship that is important to you? If so, I would go to the person and say, “I heard from so and so that you said this about me. What’s going on?” The fact is, you don’t know what the person actually said. The person who passed it on to you (who is also doing wrong and causing drama, IMO) may not have represented them correctly. If my relative thought poorly of me for some reason, I would want to clear up what they were upset about. That being said, I have a relative (mother) who continuously creates drama by talking trash about one family member to another, and then telling the other family member that the family member she was talking to thinks “thus and so” to her, when it was really her that said it in the first place! Personally, I would be most annoyed at the “reporter” of this slander. I would ask them why they felt the need to share that with me.

 

[angel12]

I need both help and support.
I have just learned and gotten confirmation that I have been slandered by a member of my family, though to my face, they act like everything is ok.

I have not said anything to my family member, though I am hurt.
I am a devout disciple, and they are agnostic, so our foundations which our values are founded on, are different.

I am looking to the Lord. I am praying. But I hurt. I am betrayed.

Help, please

My inclination would be to confront them, and ask if they have an explanation.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Do not rely on he said she said or rumors or third hand information.

Speak to the family member directly, it is impolite to slander another person. The etiquette applies to agnostics and Buddhists and Baptists and Catholics in equal measure.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If this is a close family member who you will be seeing regularly, ask them directly and calmly what they said, and the details of why, how and where they said it, and generally what is going on that they felt a need to talk about you at all.

Once they explain, then if necessary to discuss further you can tell them you don’t appreciate the gossip and think it is unkind and that they need to stop.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Thank you.

That occasion happened today.
It turns out that they don’t feel appreciated because I don’t take them out to dinner or buy them breakfast as a way of showing my gratitude. They acknowledge that I do verbalize my gratitude, but they still feel unappreciated.

I am stunned. I wasnt raised that you had to buy people things as a way of saying “thank you”

It’s a lot to process, and I find myself praying the litany of Humility to help get my head around it.

Thanks everyone