How to deal with anger regarding lies told about the Church?

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Naeb

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Hi everyone! I need some encouragement / advice. Hopefully this is in the right category!

I live in a city that is very liberal and seems to be predominately atheist, at least in my department at work. I often hear lies told regarding history of the Catholic Church and people talking about the Church like it is terrible. This reallllyyyy makes me angry and I want to learn to not get so worked up about it.

I very much would like to defend the church but often it is at an inappropriate time (at work) or I am vastly out numbered and doing so would stir things up with the only friends I really have made in this city so far and who I interact with at work. I also dislike confrontation a lot and I get very nervous when these situations come up. I’m worried that I will correct someone on their misconceptions about the Crusades for example, and then since I am not super knowledgeable on history or theology I will not properly be able to represent the faith and I will leave people thinking even worse things.

What do you do when this happens? How do I not hold on to anger? How can I not take these things as a personal attack? I love the Church so much that when I hear things said against her I do feel personally attacked.

Edit: just to clarify to everyone if I wasn’t clear in my original post I don’t get mad at the people in conversation with them, but I kind of carry that annoyance with me in my mind through the day.
 
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Read the threads in CAF and how to use it in your life.
 
First of all, where do you work that it’s okay to talk about religion at work? This would be a big no-no in most of my jobs, because it leads to people becoming uncomfortable and angry (as you are) and filing complaints with HR. However, I realize that not all workplaces are like mine and that in some professions these discussions might even be encouraged.

Second, it’s very understandable that you do not want to get into debates or arguments about religion at work. It’s inappropriate in my mind for the other people to be bringing up such topics at work, and for you to be trying to refute it there would just be adding discussion to a topic that never should have been brought up anyway in my book.

I would suggest that you simply wear some visible sign of your Catholicism, if that is allowed at your work (like it wouldn’t be a safety hazard) , such as a crucifix or a Miraculous Medal. Let your work colleagues know you are Catholic in some way - doesn’t have to be in the middle of a loaded discussion, you could just mention that you have to get to Mass or whatever. Then if they start trashing the Church in front of you, you can just say, “I’m sorry, but I am not comfortable listening to this talk, excuse me” and go do something else. If they try to argue with you, just say that it’s your personal preference not to talk about religion at work. The other folks should get the message and stop talking about the subject in your presence; if they don’t, or if they start to act hostile towards you, then it may be time to look for a new job.

God bless.
 
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I experienced the same during my college days. I fought tooth and nail to defend my religion. However, I was not well versed about Catholicism then to give them basic information to clarify the misunderstanding. So it was more of being emotional and angry that the religion was being attacked. Fortunately I didn’t lose any friends. Perhaps they understood that I was only trying to defend my belief.

Now, of course it is easier to correct those misconceptions about Catholicism, which I would do, though I would try not to be emotional or angry.

I think in a hostile environment, it is always good to keep calm but let allows our lives to speak for our belief, if we cannot do it eloquently with words.

God bless.
 
I wouldn’t engage in any conversation of such type at work and if these people are this hostile toward the faith, I wouldn’t discuss the topic at all.

I like the idea by Tis_Bearself to wear a visible sign of Catholicism and as Reuben_J stated allow your life to speak to your beliefs.

Also remember the words Jesus said in Matthew 5:11:

New International Version:

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

God bless.
 
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Sometimes when I hear someone say that the Church teaches “x” (whatever “x” is) I’ll ask them to quote the Catholic document that teaches that. Many times they are quoting some anti-Catholic piece that has no basis in reality. I like to make them defend their statements. And I would suggest that you don’t let them turn the tables and tell you to defend the Church. If they make the statement, then they can do the work of defending their statement. Further, don’t allow them to change the subject; if they cannot answer the question about which Catholic document they are referencing, then that ends the conversation for that time. If they bring up something else later, tell them that until they provide the Catholic document for the first teaching that you and that cannot have any further discussion.

Also, I suggest that you do research on that first teaching so that Iyou are ready to respond. The Catholic Answers website is full of good resources.

I wish you peace and I will pray for your situation.

Blessings
 
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The Catholic Church is opposed to unjust wars. If it did so in the past it encourages believers to condemn this. The Catholic Church is opposed to genocide. Where it encouraged this in the past it has apologised. The Catholic Church is opposed to sexual abuse by anyone. let alone those who hold high Church positions. It has apologised for its poor record in the past to this. Only this year the Pope has apologised for things he said, this year, that harmed people who had been abused. The Church is full of sinners who sin. It has never pretend otherwise. Do not minimise or excuse sin. It is not the Catholic way. Repent.
 
Well said, and Amen!~ My priest once said that we know we are the Church Jesus founded for we are a Church of sinners and yet the Church has prevailed and survived many scandals.

For it is stated:

Matthew 28:20 NIV
,,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
 
Deep breathing exercises.

Also get educated. See this as God giving you the opportunity to know him and his church more.

Once you know your stuff, correct them politely. If you actually want a conversation, don’t tell them they’re wrong (although they are). Say something less aggressive like “Actually that’s a common misconception and I used to think that too but…/I didn’t know this before but apparently…”.

A softer approach prevents the other from feeling dumb. Because, typically, when someone feels dumb or angered because their view is being challenged, they get very uncharitable and they will bite.
 
Thank you all for your great responses! And thank you all for being so understanding!

These are very good ideas! I’ve done some of these things (like wear a cross necklace, mention going to Mass etc) and people are generally aware I am Catholic, maybe they don’t care if they are being rude. I do ecological research with plants at the moment (I’m a graduate student) and I share an office with several other researchers. There is a particularly bold group of people at my work when it comes to saying these things about religion. I too was very surprised about how people would bring up religion in the work place … I would think most people prefer small talk like weather, weekend plans, etc. I suspect some people believe that everyone in the department must also be atheist and share their views, so they can openly discuss these things.
I might start mentioning I would prefer not to talk about those topics in the workplace like you said. I moved offices this week because a spot closer to my lab became available, so hopefully that will help!
 
Lea101 said:
See this as God giving you the opportunity to know him and his church more.
Click to expand...
So true- I will do my best to educate myself! And good ideas- I definitely plan on taking a soft approach whenever I need to have a conversation like that.
 
“What do you do when this happens?”
One amazing teaching I recently learned from St. Teresa’s, Way of Perfection, is “be glad when you are blamed.” (Way of Perfection) Disclaimer: Make sure you are great at humility, detachment from created things, and obedience, or else gladness when blamed will be harmful to the situation.

If you will take a moment to reflect on this teaching, the logic follows: When someone is blaming you, or our Church, unjustly, s/he “knows” you are wrong, and there is often nothing you can do to change their strong opinion. It doesn’t matter how angered you get, and it doesn’t matter if it hurts your feelings. And typically anger and sadness on your part in these situations often fuel their misunderstandings further. However, being glad, in conjunction with humility, detachment from created things, and obedience, will spark the question of “why are you glad” in their mind, and may even prompt them to inquirer. And their inquiry will be your opportunity to lovingly share your perspective, which will be a wonderful seed planted. Even without their inquiry, over time your gladness will destroy their offense.

“How do I not hold on to anger? How can I not take these things as a personal attack?”
Rather than not taking these attacks personally, grow in union with Christ’s passion and crucifixion. Amidst moments of ridicule, contemplate Jesus’ patience and kindness amidst hearing, “Crucify Him!” Contemplate his love for all as he was scourged as you love those who are ridiculing our Church.

Thanks for sharing your questions!
 
I make it a point to when others ask me about my weekend plans to include that i am going to church. That curtails them from talking about about the church in a negative way in front of me.

If they did say something negative I realize usually because that they are not very informed about it. So i try and remember that sometimes people don’t know any better, and that dispels any animosity on my part. To bring up religion at work points to that too.
 
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It’s because you work at a University or a research institution that people feel they can just say whatever. These institutions are supposed to promote discussion, which can be very edgy, and it’s harder to tell people they can’t talk about some subject without running into a free speech issue. If you were working for some large private corporation, the employer would be much more worried about a hostile work environment causing employees to complain, quit, tell stories about what an awful place Company X is to work, or even file a lawsuit.

You are probably right that these people just do not care how others feel, or feel that everybody should share their views. We read every day about professors putting this or that controversial statement on their Twitter. It’s just sad.

I hope your new office is a more pleasant place to work.
 
This is challenging. I went to a talk once at the Justice and Peace assembly in which one of the speakers touched on this. I’ll tell you what I remember. The speaker was Jack Valero founder of Catholic Voices in case you get more info on the internet, he was brilliant and had most awesome way of dealing with this sort of thing which floored us all and we all vowed to try it. It was simply bringing our competitor’s back to a common ground, which is a point of love…where we meet them and then taking it from there. ie if they are saying about our stance on abortion, you just love your doctrine and don’t want to save raped girls, you just care about the church’s rules not the girls. We would recognise they care about a girl having been hurt and start from there. We too love our neighbour and this is a Christian ideal (whether they know that or not) so a wonderful starting point, we can say 'we recognise the suffering and pain of the young girl who has been assaulted …then go on to tell how many girls are helped through Catholic Christian charities etc. Oh I’ve just found his talk online if you want to listen … How to get people to listen without anger. You can use this with your example about the Crusades too. Just look for a common point of love what are they saying, what are you saying? where is the common point

 
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