How to deal with my mom?

[CountryMom27]

It’s hard when you have parents with expectations that you can never fulfill (nor want to). I’ve been in a similar boat. I felt growing up that although I was quite successful, I wasn’t good enough because of my parents’ disappointment. Now that I’m in my late 30’s, I think my dad gets it more and he’s let go of what he wanted from me, and instead sees who I am. My mom passed away 19 years ago so I never got to reconcile this with her.

My best advice is to let it go. Follow your heart and God’s path. Know that with God you are always going to wind up in the right place, doing the right thing. When your mom brings it up, come up with a bland, polite phrase like, “I’m glad you want great things for me, Mom. I do too.” and then LET GO and let God. If she pursues it, politely put her off. Just refuse to discuss it. In time, she will stop seeing you as a moldable 20-something and instead see that you have accomplished exactly what you were meant to do. But it will take time and patience on your part.

GL2U!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

When your mother says you promised her, remind her gently that yes, that was a promise made when you were still a child. But now you are grown up and your vow on the altar of God supercedes any promise you made when you were in college. And you promised God and your husband you would forsake all others and cling to him and unite your life with his. And that you intend to keep that sacred vow. And right now that looks like you will be having the children you promised God you would accept into your life.

Ask her gently if she thinks a promise to her should outweigh a promise to God. Who should get first priority in your life.

 

[SeekerJen]

I sure wouldn’t let my mother have hysterical fits when I tell her of my plans. Walk out of the room when she starts carrying on.

No kidding. She had her chance to do what she wanted with her life; she doesn’t get to live it again through you. This is your turn. Don’t let her manipulate you this way.

Incidentally, I used to work as a tech in a mol bio lab that was affiliated with a biostatistics and research epidemiology department in a major health system. The MPHs in the department did quite well, so well in fact that several MDs and biology PhDs in the health system (including my principal investigator and my lab director) went back for MPH degrees. You shouldn’t have any problem being successful and if you want to return for a PhD down the road that will be icing on the cake.

 

[gam3rchic]

Catherine, I feel for you b/c like you I have a mom who thinks it’s her business what decisions DH and I make together.

Don’t question the meaningfulness of your work. If it’s the work God calls you to do then it has infinite meaning, even if all you did was sweep floors for a living. If we didn’t have researchers, how in the world would doctors know what the best practice would be? Everyone in their particular profession is needed for a reason, no one is superior to the other (though I tend to think nurses are pretty kick-butt, but I’m biased in that respect ).

Honestly, I wouldn’t try reasoning with your mom b/c she will have none of it, and if she’s anything like my mom, she’s probably stubborn and is set in her ways. I would try to avoid the topic altogether but if it does come up, some of the PPs gave good advice how to handle it.

Prayers for you and your family!!!