How to deal with someone who's having/had a sex-change operation

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bluerose

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In the dance school where my sister is an instructor, there is a woman (I’ll call her Ann) who has a young boy (about 7 years old) and he has “another mother”. For about 3 years this family has been attending classes. The boy’s biological mother has risen to the rank of an instructor (strictly on a voluntary basis–she is not getting paid). This woman and her partner have been extremely discreet about their relationship and other than a couple of questions from children who want to know why Bobby has two mothers, no one’s made much of an issue.

Now, however “Ann” has decided to undergo a sex-change operation. Now “he” wants everyone to address him as “Jim”, is growing a beard, and has adopted a very masculine manner of speech and dressing. This has, naturally, caused a commotion. Several families have pulled their children out of the school, which can spell disaster for my sister, since she needs every student’s tuition to pay the bills. My sister has checked with the city attorney and has been told that there is absolutely NOTHING she can do–to ask “Jim” to leave would be discrimination. In fact, “Jim” approached her and asked why certain families were no longer attending classes. My sister decided to be up front about it. “Jim” responded, “I’m surprised it took them this long to quit. And they probably won’t be the only ones.” Not one shred of concern, remorse, nothing. It sounds as if “Jim” is quite prepared to take my sister to court and not care one bit if she loses the school she’s been building for over ten years.

We’ve stayed, out of support for my sister, but quite frankly, I don’t care for the idea of having my kids dealing with this person. Furthermore, “Jim’s” son once explained that he didn’t believe in one God, but in several gods and goddesses (remember, this is a 7-year-old!) And just the other day, when “Jim” asked Bobby if that was his water bottle in the locker room. Bobby responded, “No, it’s Katie’s.” “Jim” rolled “his” eyes and said, “Same difference!” Now, it’s perfectly possible that “Katie” is just Bobby’s imaginary friend, but considering this child’s home life, I seriously doubt it. I do NOT want my son to start calling this little boy “Katie”, and I have a problem with addressing “Jim” as “Mr.” Smith (being as how almost everyone knows he started out as “Miss” Smith).

I fully understand why all those parents pulled their children out of the school. I know that all this is out there and someday these children will have to learn to deal with it. But why at such a young age? Why don’t WE have rights as well? Why are the morally messed up allowed to get away with flaunting their perverse lifestyles while the rest of us have to make allowances for them? It’s not that I can’t explain things to my son and make him understand that not everyone lives their lives according to God’s will and His laws. But it makes me angry that I HAVE to explain it at all!

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Does anyone have any advice? We’re trying to talk to the folks who left, try to encourage them to come back. We so badly need examples of strong, Christian families for others to see, since there are so many bad influences and bad examples out there. Or are we wrong in putting up with it? Where do we draw the line?

Any help and especially your prayers will be appreciated! I’ll be out of town for a few days, but I’ll check back in.

BlueRose (sorry this is so long)
 
Why are the morally messed up allowed to get away with flaunting their perverse lifestyles while the rest of us have to make allowances for them?
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We have to make allowances for people every day - its just part of life. I’m not sure saying that these people lead a “perverse lifestyle” is the correct way to put it. People who get a sex change operation are people who feel they are literally in the wrong body - these are people who struggle and agonize for years and years before getting the operation done. Its not like someone can just walk into a clinic and get it done. They have to “prove” to the doctor that this is definitely what they need. This process (proving to the doctor) can take up to several years to accomplish. Am I saying its the right thing to do? No. But we don’t live their lives nor do we walk in their shoes, perhaps we shouldn’t judge so harshly of others.

This is a dance school, not a church - his son can express his views concering God anyway he chooses - after all, this is the U.S.A. I think children are exposed to a lot of different views, even at a young age. All parents can do is make sure they teach their children the right way and lead by example.

There are several choices here:
  1. Pull your daughter out of the class
  2. Keep your daughter in the class and just explain to her that everyone isn’t like you guys.
  3. Let your sister know that there are ways to fire him without it looking like discrimination.
My sister decided to be up front about it. “Jim” responded, “I’m surprised it took them this long to quit. And they probably won’t be the only ones.” Not one shred of concern, remorse, nothing.
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He has no remorse because this (the sex change operation) is something he feels is normal for him. He probably finally feels at peace with himself. More than likely, to him, the way he feels about himself is more important than a few families pulling their kids out of the class.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not justifying his behavior or his actions, but like I said, we don’t live his life, we don’t know how he was raised or what he has had to endure. All we can do is try and be understanding of others, try not to judge others so quickly and pray for him and people like him.
 
In your situation I think I would consider that your sister needs your support. It is likely that if others know that you are related and you pull your child out they will as well. I would use this as an object lesson for your daughter, teach her the power of prayer… Jim and his son need your prayers desperately!!! I would however teach your child to defend her faith and morals by permitting her to speak up if the boy mentions “gods and godesses” again by letting her know it is ok for her to say something like “I believe in one true God” or as my son told his pagan worshipping father many years ago…“Wow dad, do you really think that having more Gods than there are days in a year is really honoring your Gods?” Or my personal fav…when I asked my ex to talk to his son about his poor spelling grade and his fathers response was “that is why God made spellcheckers” He said, “Which one of your 400 and some Gods is in charge of that dad?” it was too funny!!! But seriously, you can turn this to a positive for your daughter by letting her know she doesn’t need to listen to **** about innumerable “Gods and godesses” Instead she can let him know a little about what she believes.

One other thought… If this person is volunteering at the dance school, they are not covered by the same discrimination laws as employees. Also…I do believe it is a law that if you work with children(paid or voluntary), your employer can require you to be certified by either social services or another agency that teaches a safe kids program. I know I had to take one to work as a volunteer at my daughters school…Catholic schools have such a program.
 
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