How to deal with suicide? And secrets?

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StrawberryJam

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Friend of mine, mother of a seven year old committed suicide on Saturday. Just got the call today from the mother.

She was a catholic most of her life, her husband was 60 and a catholic still. Her daughter will be recieving first holy communion this year.
Without her.

I had no idea she was a catholic. But, she sent me a letter I have read over and over again since Friday.

And since that time, nothing has made any sense to me at all.

She said that some catholics would know her here. She reffered me to this site.

Her internet passion was to be at CARM.
I never knew this about her. Her name there was Stephanie E.

I am very very sad. I knew her since grade school. Why is this happening?

IT has been so hard to keep this back and Pretend nothing is happening. I can’t do it anymore.
She was my friend. She cared about me.

I could not stop her, or help her.

I am totally useless.
 
I am truly sorry for your loss, and the loss of another mother to this modern plague.

May God have mercy on her soul. You are in my prayers.
 
I’m so sorry to hear that, and I regret that I can’t say anything to be of more comfort. The anguish a person must feel to be able to take their own life, but I know the feeling of being unable to help someone. Pray to God for comfort, is all I know to suggest.
 
Nine_Two said:
I’m so sorry to hear that, and I regret that I can’t say anything to be of more comfort. The anguish a person must feel to be able to take their own life, but I know the feeling of being unable to help someone. Pray to God for comfort, is all I know to suggest.
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I will try Nine Two. I hope the tears are prayers.
 
Im sorry to hear that, i hope you find out more information about it. there must have been a big reason behind this
 
BlueShadow123 said:
Im sorry to hear that, i hope you find out more information about it. there must have been a big reason behind this
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She had requested that she not have any religious service. She requested that there be no funeral mass, and that there be no members of the clergy of the catholic church involved at all.

This is going to mess up her kid big time. It is messing with my head.
 
I am sorry for your loss and the hopelessness you feel.

I know this may be of little comfort, but there was probably nothing you could have done.

I have known several people who decided to end their lives. While I knew and understood the reasons behind at least a few of them, the feeling of loss was still there, as was the feeling that, maybe, I had let them down.

I finally realized if someone has decided to end their life, there is often little I can do…

Perhaps one way to help get through this is to be there for your friend’s family, especially her daughter.

I hope you find the strength, either from within yourself or from your faith, to get get through this.

I will keep you in my thoughts.
 
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. Please do not try to pretend. You are entitled to grieve as is her family. You will need a lot of time to process all of this, but you may have to accept that it might never make sense. That is because suicide is senseless-- it is committed by one who is not thinking right. I’m not implying she was crazy, but that something caused her to think that suicide was the only option. You could not have prevented this. People who want to die, even when under professional supervision, will find a way to do it.

I find it sad that she wanted no religious service-- especially as a Catholic. Catholics believe that the Lord offers great grace through the funeral Mass. If she was a follower of the CARM website, it may be that some of the talk there turned her from the Catholic Church. Many of the folks there are just plain hateful to Catholics-- there are wolves in sheep’s clothing. As a Catholic, I can only ask you to consider offering a Mass for her, maybe at another parish if you don’t want to upset the family.

I can only say that Christians draw very close to the Lord during times like these. Senseless death grieves Him as it does us and He is so loving and compassionate when we turn to Him in our sorrow. I know you don’t share my faith, but you asked how we deal with it, and I can only tell you the truth. I pray that you will open up your heart to Jesus, but, if you are not ready for that, know that you have a community here that cares for you and we will try to help you as best we can. I will be praying for you and for Stephanie as well as her family.
 
Bear in mind, tragic as this woman’s suicide is, there is good reason to hope that she yet is in heaven. For one thing, no doubt she was under incredible psychological stress at the time, as her wish to have no clergy or religious service seems to indicate. Which diminishes her responsibility for her actions. Doubtless our Good Lord will take that into account and be generous towards her.

St John Vianney famously consoled a woman whose husband had committed suicide with words to the effect of ‘fear not, madame, he repented in between the bridge and the water’. Repentance, thanks be to God, only takes a split second, and can occur even at the last split-second of a suicide’s life.

Even if she did not wish a religious service, I am surely going to pray for the repose of her soul and the consolation of her family and friends (including you, SJ), and will particularly remember her and them (and you) in my next daily Mass.
 
Please, do not try to hold back your grief. Do not be afraid to talk. A therapist, a close friend or family member. Or even you can call many of the hotlines that deal with suicide and those left behind in the wake.

Here is a link to a website that I found very helpful during some difficult moments in my life.
metanoia.org/suicide/index.html
The website is for those who are having the thoughts, but there is a section on those who did lose someone.

But please, do not beat yourself up about it. Write about how you feel. Talk. Cry. Whatever is needed to get you through this. It is hard to understand why anyone would want to kill themselves. You, and this woman’s family may never fully know why she did this. And that can be okay. But right now, you need to think about healing. It can take years. It can be very hard. But do not be afraid. Life can give you many bad fruits. It is your choice to eat it all, or only take the good parts.

I will be praying.

In Christ,
Never
 
StrawberryJam said:
I could not stop her, or help her.

I am totally useless.
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First off, don’t beat yourself up because of this. It was tragic, and you have every right to feel pain - but it was not your fault. This was a conscious decision on their part. I’ve dealt with suicide in the past, and I know that oftentimes it can be simple acts of desperation on the spur of the moment, and it’s nothing to do with the people around them.

Why is this happening? I don’t know. I can’t answer that. But you are still here, and I think that means something - it means a lot for the people who knew her and those who know you. And perhaps from that something will come. It will all be by God’s will.
 
There are no secrets to getting over a suicide. It just takes time.

That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear when I needed it, but it’s true.

I don’t know where your trust in God lies, but knowing that God is perfectly just was a big help to me.
 
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