How to deal with transitions in friendships and life as a single person?

[abbap]

Hello everyone. I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions lately regarding close friends starting new adventures in life (getting engaged, married, having kids, etc) and me feeling kind of left in the dust as a single person. I’ve tried dating and am certainly still open to dating, but never liked online dating and given the current circumstances in society, it’s a bit hard to go out and meet new people. Just hasn’t seemed to work out for me yet for one reason or the other… and I’m trying to be patient and let God work in His own timing, if I am called to marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for my friends and their new paths in life! I guess I would just like advice as to what to do to help myself get over the temptation to feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to be lonely my whole life, I just want to be content with myself and all uncertainties my life holds, no matter what state of life I’m going through.

Any one out there who is dealing with/has dealt with being the seemingly perpetual single friend in their friend group? Any advice how I can get over myself regarding these feelings? I can really feel the evil one trying to break me and tempt me these past days.

I could go on, but will leave it there I think. Thank you all and God bless you!

A

 

[aroosi]

As a woman married late and got to motherhood even later, I would say enjoy what is good about your current life status. It is certainly ok to have a desire to build a family but don’t get into the trap of thinking that you are a victim and your friends life is better. The grass is always greener somewhere else. Every phase of life has its crosses and joys. If I could tell something to my old single self I would say use well your freedom. Learn, travel, volunteer, grow spiritually, get to know other people. Don’t put your life on hold until you meet a spouse thinking that only at that point you will be fulfilled.

 

[abbap]

Thank you. You are correct and I deep down believe everything you say. I suppose I just mean that in the current moment, I am feeling rather upset and cant seem to shake these feelings, even though I know the reality of it all is going to turn out fine.

 

[abbap]

As a follow up: does anyone recommend any specific prayers I should be praying to help battle these feelings of sadness/self-pity? I think I need to grow in humility, and I pray the litany of humility every morning, but perhaps I need to be more intentional about it…

 

[abbap]

Thank you… I agree with you. I guess my only thing is, I feel overwhelmed with emotions and am not sure how to fight it other than trust that God knows how my heart feels in the current moment.

 

[Irishmom2]

I would just like advice as to what to do to help myself get over the temptation to feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to be lonely my whole life, I just want to be content with myself and all uncertainties my life holds, no matter what state of life I’m going through.

If you aren’t already doing so, volunteer somewhere. You will meet new friends and sometimes those friends have friends, or children or grandchildren.

But the important thing about volunteering during this time is that you won’t have time to think about feeling sorry for yourself, you will be immersed in helping, and maybe growing as a person. Confidence attracts.

 

[SunSeeker]

I hear you!

While I’ve been doing better accepting God’s will for my own married status (It will happen if and when it happens), a frustrating thing is that it can be very lonely to be the last single one in your group. People get other priorities as they marry and have kids, and even though the grass only looks greener on their side (from your perspective), it can be hard not to feel left behind. Especially when the new partner or child is their favorite topic on the few occasions they can hang out.

I am part of a catholic young women’s group near my parish. Most of us are single, and having more single friends helps. It can show you you’re not alone. It’s run by some young nuns who will never marry, so at least I’ll have those friends

Another idea is to create a “knot” list. Some people have a “bucket” list of things they want to do before they die (comes from the expression “kick the bucket”). Well, a knot list could be things you want to do before you “tie the knot”, or get married. Have fun exploring what you can do while single (volunteer, learn a life skill, write a book, travel (that’s a big one as it’s hard to do with kids) etc.). You may even find yourself saying “I don’t have time for courtship yet!” LOL. Just stay open to God’s will. At least you’ll be having fun wherever He calls you.

We won’t be in this virtual, non-meeting reality forever! Some day the world will open again. Who knows? That could be the day you’ll meet the one!

 

[abbap]

It’s so nice for someone to understand me - makes me feel validated and not alone in this, haha.

These are good ideas. And I have very few single friends that are also Catholic (so like, people I can actually relate to), but I definitely see the benefit in making more single friends. Right now I really only have one. And the idea of joining a women’s group is good - there are plenty in my area, just never had reason to give it much thought before.

Another thing that someone else mentioned earlier is to start volunteering more… I feel that this is something I should be doing, because I’m sure once I start doing it, I will start to “lose myself” in the lives of others, thus focusing less inwardly… which is ultimately what I want (need) right now.

 

[abbap]

Volunteering is definitely something I should be doing more of… and I agree that it will probably help me grow as a person as I lose myself in the lives of others. Thank you!

 

[Dan_Defender]

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices. - St Teresa of Avila

 

[TheIttyBitty]

I’ve been in one boat many times watching others sail by while my sails are broken or not in use,…and now entering a different boat entirely.

Now, The one thing, just before I began switching boats, from being perpetually or hopelessly single to not so single…just before the transition, I dealt head on with feelings of jealousy against those that had what I did not. Not that I’ve overcome all of it, but I got to a place that was healthier and allowed me to be more receptive to the opportunity when it presented. I saw how unattractive it was when people were jealous of what others have. It would be enough to push me away even as just a friend. I didn’t want to do that to others, even without realizing it.

Spent a lot of time on it, and there’s always room for improvement, but very soon after this change (maybe mere weeks later), I met my fiancé.

With God, many changes become so much easier, especially those we desire in ourselves. You just need to ask…and in the asking, ask for what is righteous, not what is fair. In this way, you can ask God to heal your mind, spirit, your heart, that you’ll be ready for whatever awaits.

I second the volunteering. Anything you do puts you out there and gets you noticed. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself. But definitely pray for the graces you need to heal in these ways.

Life isn’t generally fair, but those friends which you support will be ever so thankful when things get rough for them and they still need your shoulder to cry on. They will also have moments that from the outside seem unfair, some maybe even worse than simply being single.

 

[abbap]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. You are correct, I think if anything, I need to be using this time to pray and focus less inwardly on myself, and more on how I can adjust my point of view to being more focused on how I can offer up anything I’m going through as a prayer towards my sanctification. The temptation to get down on myself will probably always be there in some way, but I think the more I learn to surrender, the less bothered I may be by it.