How to desire to be nice to others when you don’t want to be

[Diamond93]

I struggle with wanting to be nice to people who irritate me, which is often. I’m super introverted, and work as a receptionist, and therefore am forced to be around people all day, and find my work exhausting and irritating a lot of the times. I get so annoyed with people and coworkers who talk my ear off about all sorts of inane stuff, and tell me their life story about everything when I don’t want to hear it. I know that a lot of these feelings just stem from my own personality, since I’m the opposite and am very reserved and don’t talk much about myself like that. And I also recognize that a lot of people who are overly talkative like that are usually lonely, which is why they feel the need to go on and on. So reflecting on it afterwards, I then feel bad that I get irritated with these sorts of people since I do feel sorry for them that they’re lonely deep down. But in the heat of the moment, I get so fed up with listening to them yap away that I just want them to go away and stop bothering me.

And also yes, for the record, I am trying to look for a new job where I’m not forced to interact with people so much since the position I’m in is obviously a mismatch for my personality. But in the meantime I have to work here until I get a new job to keep making money.

How can I work past these feelings I have? What can I pray to make me more sympathetic towards these people?

 

[TheLittleLady]

Imagine that each person is Jesus talking to you, see Christ in everyone. I know it makes me a better listener!

 

[Beryllos]

Pray for the people who irritate you. Pray for their benefit, even if you don’t know what they need. God knows.

You could also pray – silently, of course – “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And you forgive them too.

In the same vein, you could bundle up all your exhaustion and irritation, their uncalled-for life stories and inane remarks, your job-related frustrations and job-search anxieties, and in your heart join Jesus on the cross. Unite your sufferings to his, for the salvation of many souls.

I’m praying too: Heavenly Father, with Jesus Christ your son, send your Holy Spirit and pour out your blessings upon Diamond93. Grant patience and peace unto her, and help her to find a job better suited to her unique gifts, in accord with your loving and perfect will. Amen.

 

[Dan_Defender]

I must be very lucky because at work the interaction is very light, some small talk at lunch time that’s it. Certainly nobody shares their life story. I keep my life private. But if I were in your shoes, I’d pray for patience. Patience gains all things.

 

[Brian_K]

I’ve tried thinking of what others are saying as a form of prayer. I do this when people are chattering before mass and I’m trying to get centered. I picture their words entering my ears and being lifted to God. Same thing with some small talk at work. Many who I speak with are never listened to. If I’ve just come from daily mass and the species are still intact in my body, I try think of it as allowing them to speak directly to Christ. Sometimes. Sometimes I just try to get away from them and get on with my day. We’re all works in progress

 

[Jen7]

This seems so hard! I would just say - I don’t think you need to feel sorry for folks who tell you their life’s story. I love hearing peoples’ stories. These folks will find others who want to hear their story. Don’t feel that if you insist on a little space for yourself you are somehow being unChristian to these people! My mom is like you but somehow hasalways attractedpeople who tell her all their problems. I’ve told her “send them to me because I truly enjoy listening!” Sometimes she does, when it’s a relative or close friend. I don’t mind a bit. Do you have any co-workers like this who could step in and take over listening for you? Another receptionist?? If not please don’t feel well bad about not listening forever. Talkers need to be sensitive that not everyone’s is an “audience.”

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Are you able to get your work done despite people taking to you?

If you can get your work done, these people aren’t “bothering” you. You’re simply doing your job that you’re paid for.

However, if they’re keeping you from the work you’re paid to do, you need to learn to set boundaries.

 

[Zach]

It could be worse. They could ignore you and give you the cold shoulder or be hostile. Unless you would prefer them just leaving you alone and don’t care if they ostracize or ignore you. I’m not one who likes work around people all day either but when I did It felt better going home at night if they were friendly and talking all day than if they were cold and hostile. I realize there’s a middle ground between these extremes. But the latter one is common and I found it to be unbearable and disheartening and made me obsess over it all the time and dread going to work, whereas the former is only irritating and something I learned to cope with.

 

[Diamond93]

I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess it could always be worse like that. Thanks for that perspective.

 

[TK421]

Praying for people who specifically upset or irritate you.

So in the morning, or evening, or in the moment you are suffering, pray something like “Jesus, I pray for their salvation, their santification, and their eternal happiness” or “Jesus, help them. Jesus and Mary, I love you.”

It may or may not make you feel better, but it will be the right decision.

 

[njlisa]

My best advice is to read St. Therese’s “Story of a Soul.” Her spiritual memoir is brimming with stories about how she learned to be nice to people she didn’t like.

Here’s an incident described on the Society of the Little Flower Web site.

One of the Sisters splashed the hot, dirty water into Therese’s face, not once, not twice, but continually. Remember the terrible temper that Therese had? She was near to throwing one of her best tantrums, but said nothing! Christ helped her to accept this lack of consideration on the part of her fellow Sister, and she found a certain peace.

You can read “Story of a Soul” at the Carmelite Archives of Lisieux Web site.