How to evangelize friends when they want to be more

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gchinchilla22

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Hello I’m new here. Sorry if there are some errors cuz I’m typing this on my phone.
So there’s this guy I used to work with who used to flirt with me and insinuate that he wanted to be in a relationship in a vague way. He never actually asked me out so I never was able to turn him down. I was always kind and polite and tried to be a friend. (I was 19 at the time now 22). Anyways so we kept in touch through a series of events and we now talk on IG sometimes for the past couple years on and off. I’ve always been friendly, kind and supportive, trying to treat him as I would a female friend. Throughout this time he’s still flirted, asking me to hang out, complimented me incessantly etc. I’ve always stopped writing, turned the topic around etc. increased time I reapply etc to try and increase distance and boundaries. We stopped talking for a while but he started writing me again recently. He asked me to hang out several times to which I said I was busy. He then asked if he could go to church with me ( he knows I’m Catholic) and here lies my problem.
I asked him what he knew about Catholicism and he said he didn’t know much ( I have know idea what he believes in. He’s expressed some Christian beliefs but also has said he believes in many gods and Odin and weird stuff). So I said that before he went to church or anything he should do some research and I sent him some resources and he said thanks.
So what I’m asking is how do you evangelize while keeping boundaries. Hes never asked me out so I’ve never been able to find a time to say I’m not interested like that. I feel like if I said that out of the blue he’d get offended, mad or say I was delusional or something.
If a female friend asked to go to church with me I’d say sure cuz they wouldn’t see the closeness as romantic etc.
I feel like he’s trying to do this cuz he wants to get close to me or hang out but isn’t actually interested in religion. That maybe cuz I said I couldn’t hang out with him elsewhere he’s trying this now.
I’m worried if I said yes he’d use it as “hang out” time.
Even if he actually is interested in Catholicism how can I evangelize while keeping boundaries— minimal communication, not going to church together. How do I keep him from using me as his savior or something along those lines.
I want to cut off the relationship (or cut it back to hardly anything) cuz as two adults of opposite gender we really shouldn’t be friends especially when he has/had feelings for me, but I’m worried about what that would to to any evangelization efforts or his opinion of Christianity.
Sorry that was so long and jumbled. I have a mind that incessantly ruminates . Thanks for any advice
 
I’m not generally a fan of evangelize and use words when necessary. St Francis never said that. But just mentioning that I was attending Courage meetings to a gay friend of mine led to him and his boyfriend ceasing intimate relations. It’s such a tricky subject.
 
Hi, welcome to CAF.

First of all, on the relationship point, it sounds like you have been giving this guy false hope that he might have a chance to be in a relationship with you. I know you’re only trying to be “kind and polite” and “friendly”, but this has been going on 3 years and if you do not want to go out with this man it’s really time to cut the cord once and for all. By talking to him in a “friendly” way you’re just sending mixed signals and giving him reason to think you might date him if he just keeps persisting long enough. Sometimes the kinder thing to do is to NOT be someone’s “friend”.

Second, while I understand you want to evangelize, this guy asking to go to church with you in view of the whole situation sounds like he is still just trying to get your attention and find a way to spend time with you. It’s not a good evangelization situation if you are not interested in dating this man. I don’t think you should be accompanying him to your church as it’s just going to send him more mixed signals and make him think you’re interested in him.

You’ve done your part by sending him some stuff to read. If he is truly called to the faith, he can read it, perhaps go to church on his own, perhaps seek out other company to go with that doesn’t involve him basically trying to date someone (you) who is not interested. You can even tell him directly that while you would love to have him join your church, he shouldn’t be doing it as a way to get your attention as you are not interested in him.
 
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So there’s this guy I used to work with who used to flirt with me and insinuate that he wanted to be in a relationship in a vague way. He never actually asked me out so I never was able to turn him down.
I agree that it seems like he has misread your kindness for attraction, and he thinks he still has a chance. I also agree that the truly kind thing to do would be to let him know that you are not interested.

The next time he flirts or compliments you just tell him that the comment was inappropriate and that it makes you feel uncomfortable and that if he wants to remain friends (and only friends) he needs to knock it off.
He asked me to hang out several times to which I said I was busy. He then asked if he could go to church with me ( he knows I’m Catholic) and here lies my problem.
The next time he asks you to hang out, tell him you’d really rather not, and tell him to stop asking. Saying you are busy gives him false hope. Make your intentions clear so that he can move on instead of being stuck on you.

As to the mass angle… Tell him he is always welcome to attend any Catholic mass. Tell him to find a parish near him and just go. He does not need to attend with you. If he is insistent about going with you, tell him you think it is inappropriate for you two to go together because people will get the wrong impression, and you’d rather avoid that.

Just be honest. He doesn’t have to flat out ask you to be his girlfriend in order for you to make your intentions clear.
 
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I don’t understand why you keep such contact with someone that you are not interested in. He clearly wants to date you and you keep changing the subject. The kindest thing you can do is to not evangelize him, but leave him alone. If he is truly interested in Catholicism, he can find it without you.
 
Missionary dating is never a good idea. Stop leading him on.
 
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