How to explain depression?

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Perlita

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My son suffers from depression, he is going to a psychiatrist and a psychologist, he has bieng diagnosed after some evaluation. He is 26, he is not working , 2 years ago he left the university after having problems, not knowing what was wrong with him; a few months ago he began to investigate about depression and he foun that he was suffering much of what a depressed person suffers, my son told me that maybe he needed a psychiatris. I asked then for you advice because my husband wanted me to go with my son to the psychiatrist, some of you answered and I am very thankful for your (name removed by moderator)ut. My problem is that my husband do not believe our son has depression, he says he is just lazy and avoids talking to him about it. My husband does not want to pay our son treatment and medication. How can I explain to him that this young man is suffering and needs the support of the family on all levels? Two weeks ago at my son"s request I had a meeting with his psychologist and she told me that he needs a long treatment and medication (he is a little better)
My son talks to me but I know he needs some empaty from my husband. (We don"t live in the US)
Thank you for your advice
 
This is unfortunate. Depression is a real, medical condition. It is usually related to biochemical imbalances, like to little serotonin. Serotonin is produced in the intestines, but if there is not enough the person will be depressed.

It is a real, clinical illness, not a form of laziness. The best thing your son might do is to stop expecting his father to understand. That is hard, but true. He needs to put his trust in people who do understand and want to help. He needs help re-assessing what he might do for a living and how to live so he can best manage his symptoms and live a normal life.

There are all kinds of things that people can suggest that will help, but we can’t give advise here. Also you do have to be careful as not all suggestions are so great. Counseling and proper medications can help, but must be monitored well. I hope your son finds a good doctor.

If you or he wishes to PM me feel free. My brother has suffered most of his life with bi-polar disorder, and both my sister and I have a clinical depression caused by illness. There are those of us who do understand how difficult this is. Peace.
 
Can you ask your son’s medical team to share some book titles with you for your husband? Maybe you could read something together? Can your husband go with you to a meeting with the psychiatrist for some education on the subject of what depression is and how to treat it?

It’s normal for fathers to be in denial about children’s disabilities or health issues, by the way. In a lot of families, that’s a common dynamic.
 
I think I’d tell my husband that while laziness is a possible diagnosis, it is the diagnosis of exclusion. This is because there are a number of people, having been treated as if they were lazy or crazy or stupid for years on end, not amounting to anything, finally got help from a psychiatrist and–lo and behold!–they turned their lives around. Since your son fits some of the symptoms of depression, it seems foolish to refuse to have him checked out on the reasoning that maybe that is not the problem. Well, maybe it isn’t, but then again, maybe it is. Maybe, who knows, he needs to have his father act as if he thinks his son could possibly have a problem other than gold-bricking. After all, if the son is convinced that his dad is convinced that he is just lazy, why try to change his mind? If his father is willing to believe that the son could become more productive by listening to a doctor’s advice about his son’s negative thinking about himself, what is it going to hurt?

The main thing to emphasize is that a diagnosis of depression is not an excuse to avoid work. It is a diagnosis that says, “If you don’t feel like working, you don’t just stay home and not work. You do this, so you feel better, and then you get with it.” It is just the opposite of an excuse.
 
Perlita said:
My son suffers from depression, he is going to a psychiatrist and a psychologist, he has bieng diagnosed after some evaluation. He is 26, he is not working , 2 years ago he left the university after having problems, not knowing what was wrong with him; a few months ago he began to investigate about depression and he foun that he was suffering much of what a depressed person suffers, my son told me that maybe he needed a psychiatris. I asked then for you advice because my husband wanted me to go with my son to the psychiatrist, some of you answered and I am very thankful for your (name removed by moderator)ut. My problem is that my husband do not believe our son has depression, he says he is just lazy and avoids talking to him about it. My husband does not want to pay our son treatment and medication. How can I explain to him that this young man is suffering and needs the support of the family on all levels? Two weeks ago at my son"s request I had a meeting with his psychologist and she told me that he needs a long treatment and medication (he is a little better)
My son talks to me but I know he needs some empaty from my husband. (We don"t live in the US)
Thank you for your advice
Click to expand...
I had a similar problem with my husband regarding my son to begin with. It got to the point where my son was hospitalised for being suicidal before my husband started researching depression himself as a result of that shock. That has made a huge difference to his attitude. Education is the key. It’s really important for your husband to understand if your son is going to need financial help from you with treatment and medication.

I’ll ask another question here. Does you son smoke marijuana? If so, make him understand the link between pot and depression. There is so much pro-marijuana propoganda in the world that he may even thing it is helping him. (If he is smoking it)

Try and google personal accounts of depression because my husband found those to be most effective in helping him understand.

Saying a prayer for your family.
 
Have you spoken with your son’s health care providers regarding family supportive counseling for both you & your husband? In many cases this is offered to family members.
 
Depression is a very real medical illness. I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, and PTSD when I was 16 years old. Looking back over my life, I see signs that I had anxiety early on (especially the year before I was diagnosed) but it was kick started into high gear when a young man I knew from junior high school was killed in a car accident. He was 16 as well and I had just received my learner’s permit so you can imagine the trauma I experienced from learning about his death and seeing a picture of the crash scene in a newspaper.

Over the course of this illness, it has caused me to have a lot of problems in school. I had to be homeschooled the year I was diagnosed because I couldn’t attend school normally. When I graduated high school, my grades in college suffered quite a bit. I attended a junior college but wasn’t invested in my studies at all. I was very depressed. I had to have my meds adjusted a few times and sometimes altogether because the medication wasn’t the right kind. Sometimes, doctors have to experiment to find the best meds for each person.

Now that I’ve been on the right medication for several years, my college grades have improved dramatically. My work situation was rocky for a while and I had trouble finding the right career for me but now I’m very happy. It takes time to overcome the struggles that depression causes.

What your husband needs to realize is that your son is sick. Depression is not laziness - it is a mental illness often caused by chemical imbalance in the brain. If you don’t have enough serotonin or norepinephrine, you don’t feel good at all. It’s good that your son recognized the symptoms before the illness got out of control. Yesterday (August 11th), we lost a great comedian - Robin Williams - to a product of severe depression and it could easily have been prevented if he recognized the symptoms and sought help or someone close to him recognized that he needed help. People shouldn’t have to suffer in silence. Family, especially, needs to show compassion to one another. Without my family, I would not have made it to where I am today. They never gave up on me. Now I am a balanced, stable individual who is achieving her goals. With time and care, your son will do the same. Your family has my prayers.
 
Has your husband seen any of the television stories about Robin Williams?

Maybe he should watch some TV for the next few days.

My husband was diagnosed with clinical depression about 20 years ago. A psychiatrist and psychologist helped him and for years, he has been better. Last year the depression re-occurred, and the whole process started over again, but now he is better.

Your son isn’t lazy. He’s ill, and needs treatment. I hope your husband will take the time to learn about depression.
 
Yes, it is a real illness. Being listless and lacking motivation are two features of it. Having had it for decades myself, treatment is a must. Most people I’ve encountered, including family members who’ve never had it, can’t picture what it’s like. Outwardly, you look fine.

Perhaps you can find a group therapy group at a Church near you. Bring your husband. When he, or anyone, hears other people who are going through the same thing speak, the truth comes across. To be in a room with people who understand helped me.

It is a chemical imbalance. Medication is often needed. Not always. It depends on the diagnosis by a professional.

God bless,
Ed
 
I am sorry to hear about this. I think fathers in general tend to get like this when it comes to problems with their sons (particularly psychological problems). Sometimes they just can’t help it and it takes a lot of persuasion and patience before the come around. I think the key is to try to focus on the facts and any medical reports you may already have from the psychiatrist.

My advice would be that if the psychiatric therapy seems to be helping (as you mentioned) then stick with it (or push for it). However it may also be worth keeping an eye on the physical side of things. A few years ago my best friend was diagnosed with depression by two separate doctors and after almost a year of treatment with a psychiatrist he found out (through his own efforts) that it was just a vitamin B12 deficiency. I was living very close to him at the time and could clearly see the change in behaviour when he started taking treatment for the deficiency. He is thankfully, fully recovered now.

Of course every case of depression is different and yours is no exception. However while the therapy is progressing it may also be worth watching out for any physical symptoms he may have developed since he started feeling this way. Nutrition can also be an important factor in cases like this where the brain is involved. Sometimes it is a combination of many things that leads to depression which makes it difficult to cure by any one method of treatment.

I wish you hope, courage and every success in your effort to help your son get better.
 
First of all, I feel terrible about your son’s depression and wish I could give him and hug and sit down with him, talk with him even possibly cry with him.
I think your son needs therapy with a health professional such as a psychologist or here in the U.S, we have what is called a MFT(marriage and family therapist). They are just as good as psychologists but cost less and psychiatrist(give meds) . I also think your son needs to be in therapy at least ONCE A WEEK IF NOT MORE. He also should go alone as anyone else there will hinder him opening up about what is happening to him.
As for the medication, many of them work but often, it is a trail and error process. you try one and if it does not help—you try another one. Also, if your son is sensitive to meds, he might have a strong adverse reaction so I say,what ever he tries—DO NOT TAKE THE WHOLE AMOUNT AT ONE TIME–GO SLOWLY.!
The therapy is ESSENTIAL and the meds also work but are no guarantee. Chemical imbalance, nice words but really only a theory but if they work—try it. I am speaking as a layperson as I was a professor of physiologial psychology before I retired and I know a lot about psychotherapeutic meds and other drugss, both legal and illegal. That being said, that means I know a little about what I am talking about but I am not your son and only your son knows what it is like to have his particular form of depression.
Now then, as for your husband: I need to calm down as he sounds like he is avoiding the situation and his negative comments are just making it worse. You and he need to go see a health professional without son to start the process of your husband starting to accept what is going on and further down the road, hopefully then begin to understand.
You are the mother. It is time you take steps to “persuade” your husband to go with you. If he does not go, then you go by yourself and attempt to couch him to go. you cannot make him go with you.
I am getting a psychological profile of your husband I am not comfortable with it since I have counseled and talked to many REAL MEN WHO CRY, GET DERPESSED
You have been given a lot of good advice on this forum and I hope you keep sharing wtih us but to be very open in a forum is asking a lot of you.
I cannot speak for the others but if you would like to send me a PM, I will be glad to reply. Why? I am in no way as knowledgeable about my faith as so many others on this forum but as a man of faith, our Lord led me to teach for over three decades and every one of my students had my home phone number and still do. I give you the option just in case
sierradepadre
 
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