How to feel/act more confident?

[lovedance4ever]

I’m a 19 year old girl, and I guess I lack in the confidence department. I have never felt pretty, nor do I attract members of the opposite sex. The problem is that I know I am coming off as awkward in social situations, but I do not know how to fix it!

I am not skinny, but I am fairly lean, and extremely strong, as I work out and lift weights a lot. In the past five months, I have lost almost 60 lbs, and I thought that that would change guys’ opinions of me. But no such luck.

And so I am asking for advice on how to feel/act more confident. You can only change your appearance so much, but you CAN change your opinion about yourself.

How do you feel better about yourself when you feel so ugly and still feel fat even after losing weight?

Thanks for listening to my mindless blathering. All answers are greatly appreciated.

God bless

 

[austenbosten]

I used to be in your shoes. The AA has a saying “fake it till you make it” and trust me it works. I used to be a social awkward when I was a kid; but I “faked” confidence and now I’m a confident man.

 

[JoeofCupertino]

Well, you are still 19 and have plenty of time to find a guy. Honestly, I wouldnt panic and just continue to improve yourself. Gaining confidence is a good thing. I would note that weight loss and muscle gain isnt necessarily a sure thing in finding someone. I am a guy and I lost 80 pounds and thought that would help but I had more success before I before lost the weight. There isnt any set formula for finding someone. At your age, guys can be looking for an easy girl. I would wait and try to find a good man instead of the first one to show an attraction.

 

[daisybee]

Maybe you could consider exploring a new skill or hobby–I don’t know, swing dance or some type of dance, or any type of hobby really (volleyball, etc), or maybe you could consider going back to school to study some particular topic that really, really interests you.

Think about what your interests are and pursue those with lots of enthusiasm–some may be things you can do in the short-term, and maybe some would be long-term goals. Having a mix of both would be good.

Then, by doing things you’re interested in and enjoy, you will have interesting things to talk about with any peer you meet, which will help expand your circle of friends in general, and will also bring you into contact with people who have the same interests as you.

When meeting and interacting with others you can then be more forgetful of yourself in a good way, and just focus on a fun shared activity or topic.

 

[Marie1234]

Self-esteem can greatly affect how you’re perceived by others. As does the way you dress. A teacher of mine once told me that men react differently to women who wear skirts compared to women who wore pants. I wasn’t sure if I should believe this or not so I tried it myself. Instead of wearing jeans to the mall (which I often would do) I wore a skirt. Men looked at me but did not gawk. They smiled kindly. Some even held doors open for me! I was treated like more of a “lady” because that’s how I presented my self.

I think you should figure out what you want the world to think of you and then try to mirror that in your outward appearance. You’ll begin to act differently too when people begin to treat you differently.

As far as confidence goes, try take up a hobby that empowers you mentally, spiritually, and physically, whatever it may be. Join some groups that allow you to mingle with people so you can get used to meeting and talking with new people.

I hope this helps!

Good luck sweetie and God bless you!

 

[sweetpetunia]

I think the most important thing is to relax and be yourself. Don’t worry too much about what you think others must think. Happiness is enormously attractive. Do things that make you happy and let the rest go.

I take it you love dancing and are probably already a graceful person. If you are indeed accident prone, though, just laugh it off and let it go. You can even make a small joke if you wish e.g., if you trip, you might announce “Gravity check! Yep, still works”. If you say something embarrassing, don’t rehash it over and over. Seriously, let it go. Odds are it wasn’t as awkward as you thought it was, but even if it was, many people find that quality endearing, and even consider shyness sweet.

Do things that make you feel beautiful. Wear lovely clothes of a proper fit. Wear a nice perfume that makes you feel special. Have good posture and smile—happiness is contagious!

Don’t think of yourself as ugly. Betcha you’re gorgeous and you don’t know it! Your future husband will have no idea what you are talking about if you ever confided in him that you don’t feel pretty.

Finally, be holy. People who are filled with Christ just glow and one can’t help but be attracted to them Beauty begins within.

 

[CaptainPicard]

I’m a 19 year old girl, and I guess I lack in the confidence department. I have never felt pretty, nor do I attract members of the opposite sex. The problem is that I know I am coming off as awkward in social situations, but I do not know how to fix it!

I am not skinny, but I am fairly lean, and extremely strong, as I work out and lift weights a lot. In the past five months, I have lost almost 60 lbs, and I thought that that would change guys’ opinions of me. But no such luck.

And so I am asking for advice on how to feel/act more confident. You can only change your appearance so much, but you CAN change your opinion about yourself.

How do you feel better about yourself when you feel so ugly and still feel fat even after losing weight?

Thanks for listening to my mindless blathering. All answers are greatly appreciated.

God bless

Feeling comfortable with yourself just takes time. I’m not sure there’s necessarily an easy way. You just have to keep putting yourself out there and eventually you mature and become more comfortable in your own skin. It’s something everybody has to go through. Social skills are just that, a skill which takes practice to develop. Looking your best takes a certain amount of work and tweaking as well. You’ll be more self-confident eventually, it’s just a matter of getting there.

It helps if you don’t put too much stock in what others think. I think it helps being Catholic because even though being socially comfortable is nice, you’ll know that whatever happens God will be with you and that’s infinitely more important. No amount of awkwardness will hurt you in any truly important or eternal way, it just stings a bit, that’s all. It kind of takes the pressure off to realize that. So while it’s hard that that cute guy doesn’t like you or you haven’t made as many friends as you’d like, you know it’s really not the end of the world.

 

[MidnightSun12]

LoveDance, Focus on loving God with your whole heart and your neighbour by extension. Make serving our Blessed Lord the absolute focus of your life from when you get up in the morning until you say your evening prayers. When you are talking to another person, imagine that God is standing in on the conversation and listening to what you say… now make the focus of your conversation to please God rather then worrying about what the other person in the conversation is thinking. I guarantee that if you can do this well, you will absolutely radiate confidence as your conversation topics move from being centered around selfish topics to being centered around helping the other person reach heaven.

Confidence is merely an absence of fear in regards earthly affairs… What causes us to have this fear is an unnatural attachment towards our posessions, what other people think of us, our desire for a spouse, etc… St. Francis says that we should preach the gospel at all times, and as long as we are doing this we have absolutely nothing to fear as the world bears no hold on us, whatsoever!

To quote St. Lawrence while he was being burned to death by barbarians on a metal grill: “Turn me over. I’m done on this side!” How much more confidence could a person possibly need then this!

God bless!

 

[robwar]

One of the best ways to build confidence is to focus on others and helping them. This will take your mind off yourself. Since you are young and have more time that us oldies with families, you should try to volunteer to do something, you could help with catechism, even if it is a hall monitor, you could help out in a senior center, you could try to tutor etc.
In helping others, you will build up your social skills, interact with others and helping will take your mind off yourself and then I think you will feel better and more confident. You sound like a very nice person and with a name with dancing in it, I bet you have some great skills to give back on.

 

[chevalier]

I used to be in your shoes. The AA has a saying “fake it till you make it” and trust me it works. I used to be a social awkward when I was a kid; but I “faked” confidence and now I’m a confident man.

That works. Or just do what needs to be done without feeling confident about it, while being confident enough to admit your lack of confidence… and still do what needs to be done.

 

[starshiptrooper]

I’m a 19 year old girl, and I guess I lack in the confidence department. I have never felt pretty, nor do I attract members of the opposite sex. The problem is that I know I am coming off as awkward in social situations, but I do not know how to fix it!

Perhaps Toastmasters International has a club in your area? Toastmasters International is an organization that teaches its members how to prepare, deliver and evaluate a speech, or speak without preparation if you have to. Learning how to effectively and confidently express your ideas can do wonders for your self-confidence. I know this from personal experience.

I am not skinny, but I am fairly lean, and extremely strong, as I work out and lift weights a lot. In the past five months, I have lost almost 60 lbs, and I thought that that would change guys’ opinions of me. But no such luck.

And so I am asking for advice on how to feel/act more confident. You can only change your appearance so much,but you CAN change your opinion about yourself.

How do you feel better about yourself when you feel so ugly and still feel fat even after losing weight?

Thanks for listening to my mindless blathering. All answers are greatly appreciated.

God bless

I have dealt with similar issues in my own life. In addition to Toastmasters International, I started taking a MMA class. Knowing how to defend myself did wonders for my self-image. You should try to find a hobby that engages you both mentally and physically. Also, you might want to consider working with kids. I did this in my martial arts class and I helped teach a Youth Leadership Program on behalf of Toastmasters International. Those 12 year old kids looked up to me, and it made me feel good, knowing that I was making a difference in someone’s life.

I will be praying for you. :console:

 

[pamnbam]

First, stop calling yourself a “girl.” You are a mature woman; once you believe that, others will start to see you differently.

I agree with a hobby of some sort. What are you good at? You could volunteer. When I worked with my area’s special olympics equestrian team, it was pretty hard not to feel good that I was helping the kids have a chance to play sports. Are you athletic? Martial arts has a way of boosting confidence and it’s great exercise.

Finally, are you in the “Nice Girls Club?” This is a wonderful book that helped me; in fact, I have several of the author’s series that have helped me in different situations. Good luck!

amazon.com/Nice-Girls-Just-Dont-Get/dp/0307590461/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1350826577&sr=8-1&keywords=nice+girls+just+don%27t+get+it

 

[Ellyakamommy]

Lovedance4ever–many many women have been where you now find yourself, dear one. I can remember all to clearly being 19, not feeling confident and wondering when I would ever be noticed. I wish I had taken the advice being offered to you now–to wit to really pursue a hobby or interest that you enjoy. At 19 I had more time and energy to dedicate to it, but vague, ambiguous fear of the unknown stopped me. Find something that genuinely interests you, and show up. Becoming more confident is mostly about doing things you like-if you have a buddy to join you or not, if others think it’s cool or not, if you get a boyfriend doing it or not. Adoration, volunteer opportunities, swing dance, ballet, quilting, knitting, harmonica lessons even! Before you know it, you’ll have experiences to share and hard-won skills that you can demonstrate–and that is more confidence building than any outer appearance you show the world.

In short, working out harder, going shopping at different stores, or trying different beauty products is not the solution. Enjoying what you’re doing is.

Please let us know what you decide to try and how ti’s going for you.