How to find a spiritual advisor

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RachaelRene

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I am curious if anyone else has this problem or if it’s just my area where I live. I live in a rather small community and I’ve asked my parish priest to be a spiritual advisor for myself and he is to busy. I have checked with other parishes in other towns and I get the same response they are too busy. I am at a loss as to where to turn next. Is this a pretty common problem for people to find a spiritual advisor if they need one? I plan to join an order once my children are grown and on their own which I realize is several years away but I am so dedicated to dedicating my life to Christ I feel that I should be receiving guidance and help in preparing for this journey and I am so frustrated that it is so difficult to find someone. Anyone have any ideas on where I should check next? Or what I should do next?
Thanks for any advice
RachaelRene
 
Dear RachaelRene,

What part of Illinois? And is this Spiritual Director to assist / discern if you have a call to the religious life ?

Br Mark, OSB
 
RachaelRene said:
I live in a rather small community and I’ve asked my parish priest to be a spiritual advisor for myself and he is to busy.
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Did he just leave it at saying he was too busy or did he have any suggestions for you?

If there is a convent or monastery or anything like that nearby you might check there. Even if they can’t help you perhaps they can suggest someplace else. Are there any retired priests or religious in your area? They can also be a great source of wisdom and holiness.
 
I’m about an hour and a half away from Peoria and I know I have a call I just need an advisor to help me on my way
RachaelRene
 
My parish priest said he was to busy and to call around but he didn’t know of anyone who could do this for me. He did tell me not to use a lay person especially because I have a calling. He said I would need to find another priest, but did not offer any suggestions.
 
May God’s peace, love and mercy be with you all!

Pray to Our Blessed Mother and ask her help. She will definitely provide you with one formed from her Immaculate Heart. That is how I got my spiritual director after a priest suggested to me during confession that I need one. I am eternally grateful to God for having mercy on me a great sinner and giving me a spiritual director to guide me and bring me closer to Our Good Lord Jesus.

God bless!

Blessed be Jesus and Mary!
 
It probably has quite a bit to do with where you live. A priest who is running a parish on his own has much less time than one in an area where several priests are assigned to one parish. I also wonder, since you say you have several (many?) years until your children are grown, if perhaps you should be contented with ordinary spiritual practices until then. As a mother, your responsibilities now are toward the spiritual formation of your children. Not that you shouldn’t work to advance your own love of God, but that it shouldn’t interfer with your duties now. Attending daily Mass if you can, developing a prayer schedule that fits your usual schedule, reading Saints lives and the Bible (both with your children and on your own), those are the kinds of things you can do now (and I am sure you are already doing them). In the meantime, ask Our Lady to be your spiritual director both for your current vocation and your future one.
 
RachaelRene said:
My parish priest said he was to busy and to call around but he didn’t know of anyone who could do this for me. He did tell me not to use a lay person especially because I have a calling. He said I would need to find another priest, but did not offer any suggestions.
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I’m not sure I would agree with the “don’t use a lay person” advice.

I think it’s wonderful to have a priest as a spiritual director if that’s possible. But for you it doesn’t sound like that’s a possibility. So that leaves a male or female religious if there’s someone available, or a lay person.

Considering the director’s role is to help you see how the Spirit is moving in your life, and, especially in your case, to help you discern your future, I don’t think the director necessarily has to be in a certain position him or herself.

I would give this issue a lot of prayerful thought before I categorically rejected someone.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
I’m not sure I would agree with the “don’t use a lay person” advice.

I think it’s wonderful to have a priest as a spiritual director if that’s possible. But for you it doesn’t sound like that’s a possibility. So that leaves a male or female religious if there’s someone available, or a lay person.

Considering the director’s role is to help you see how the Spirit is moving in your life, and, especially in your case, to help you discern your future, I don’t think the director necessarily has to be in a certain position him or herself.

I would give this issue a lot of prayerful thought before I categorically rejected someone.
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I have the SAME problem. I need a Spiritual Director and I had one until he got called to another parish. Now he is far away and very busy. I’ve also been considering the possibility of entering a convent when my son is 18 which is 5 years away.

I am wondering can a Priest be the spiritual director of someone outside their own Parish? Our parish to has to few Priests and htey are all very busy. But if one would prefer a Priest can they call around?
 
RachaelRene said:
I am curious if anyone else has this problem or if it’s just my area where I live. I live in a rather small community and I’ve asked my parish priest to be a spiritual advisor for myself and he is to busy. I have checked with other parishes in other towns and I get the same response they are too busy. I am at a loss as to where to turn next. Is this a pretty common problem for people to find a spiritual advisor if they need one? I plan to join an order once my children are grown and on their own which I realize is several years away but I am so dedicated to dedicating my life to Christ I feel that I should be receiving guidance and help in preparing for this journey and I am so frustrated that it is so difficult to find someone. Anyone have any ideas on where I should check next? Or what I should do next?
Thanks for any advice
RachaelRene
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This can be difficult. And there is no one “right” way to go about it.

I often recommend that you go “confessor shopping” – show up for confession in different places and when you come across someone who is good, turn up when he is scheduled to be hearing confessions. After a couple of times, if it still seems like a good fit, you might say to him that you respect his judgment, and ask if he would be willing to take 30 minutes – by appointment – to meet with you to discuss a particular concern.

If he agrees, be SURE you keep to your time and don’t natter on and on. If that meeting is a good one, you could ask at that time if he would be willing to be your regular confessor.

After a couple of confessions, you might ask to see him again outside the confessional. After a couple of these meetings, you will both know whether this is likely to be a long-term relationship. At some point along the road, you can introduce the concept of “spiritual direction” – but you don’t need to CALL it spiritual direction for it to BE spiritual direction.

Many priests are afraid of spiritual direction because they think you have to be some kind of “specialist.” Many are concerned that they have too little time as it is, and taking on such a profound responsibility would be just another burden. You don’t want to scare him off before you even get started.

Some religious Orders provide spiritual direction as part of their apostolate.
 
Coreopisis said:
I have the SAME problem. I need a Spiritual Director and I had one until he got called to another parish. Now he is far away and very busy. I’ve also been considering the possibility of entering a convent when my son is 18 which is 5 years away.

I am wondering can a Priest be the spiritual director of someone outside their own Parish? Our parish to has to few Priests and htey are all very busy. But if one would prefer a Priest can they call around?
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Both my confessor and my spiritual director (two different men) are from parishes other than my own.
 
mercygate said:
This can be difficult. And there is no one “right” way to go about it.

I often recommend that you go “confessor shopping” – show up for confession in different places and when you come across someone who is good, turn up when he is scheduled to be hearing confessions. After a couple of times, if it still seems like a good fit, you might say to him that you respect his judgment, and ask if he would be willing to take 30 minutes – by appointment – to meet with you to discuss a particular concern.

If he agrees, be SURE you keep to your time and don’t natter on and on. If that meeting is a good one, you could ask at that time if he would be willing to be your regular confessor.

After a couple of confessions, you might ask to see him again outside the confessional. After a couple of these meetings, you will both know whether this is likely to be a long-term relationship. At some point along the road, you can introduce the concept of “spiritual direction” – but you don’t need to CALL it spiritual direction for it to BE spiritual direction.

Many priests are afraid of spiritual direction because they think you have to be some kind of “specialist.” Many are concerned that they have too little time as it is, and taking on such a profound responsibility would be just another burden. You don’t want to scare him off before you even get started.

Some religious Orders provide spiritual direction as part of their apostolate.
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Good information thanks. Actually it’s funny I’ve been doing this, I actually asked a confessor recently if I could meet with him however when I brought up some of the issues / questions I have he laughed at me and obviously thinks I am crazy.

How hurtful is it to have a Priest, who by vocation is supposed to believe in the spiritual and supernatural, laugh at you because they don’t believe you might have had such an experiance? I have to assume some Saints got this reaction as well and I find comfort in that.

Oh well I guess it just wasn’t a good match for me. I might just be on my own.
 
Coreopisis said:
Good information thanks. Actually it’s funny I’ve been doing this, I actually asked a confessor recently if I could meet with him however when I brought up some of the issues / questions I have he laughed at me and obviously thinks I am crazy.

How hurtful is it to have a Priest, who by vocation is supposed to believe in the spiritual and supernatural, laugh at you because they don’t believe you might have had such an experiance? I have to assume some Saints got this reaction as well and I find comfort in that.

Oh well I guess it just wasn’t a good match for me. I might just be on my own.
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If you are having locutions and such, then DO NOT GIVE UP the search for an advisor. These things can be extremely problematic, and if they’re from God, that will all come out eventually. If they’re from Old Scratch, that NEEDS to come out. If they’re just chemical storms in your brain, then you need to know that, too.

Too bad he laughed at you. Even if you’re crazy – or especially if you’re crazy – that would certainly not be helpful.
 
mercygate said:
If you are having locutions and such, then DO NOT GIVE UP the search for an advisor. These things can be extremely problematic, and if they’re from God, that will all come out eventually. If they’re from Old Scratch, that NEEDS to come out. If they’re just chemical storms in your brain, then you need to know that, too.

Too bad he laughed at you. Even if you’re crazy – or especially if you’re crazy – that would certainly not be helpful.
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Completely agree. I just found it disturbing that someone in his position would laugh. You would think that they would care about a sheep in their flock. I would personally take that sheep to the vet immediately and help it.
 
Coreopisis said:
Completely agree. I just found it disturbing that someone in his position would laugh. You would think that they would care about a sheep in their flock. I would personally take that sheep to the vet immediately and help it.
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Since you don’t state what prompted you to bring this up to a priest, I won’t comment further – other than to agree with you.

But just, FYI, a man approached me with tales of experiencing “knowledge” about people; gifts of prescience and such. In one case, in a brief encounter with a woman who was a practicing witch, he “knew” that she had serious spinal problems. Another time, he “knew” exactly when an out-of-work cousin would be offered the job of his dreams after a long dry spell. Another time, a friend was desolate over a 3rd miscarriage, and he “knew” that she would conceive and successfully deliver a baby boy before a year was out. These things were too important to leave un-mentored and I was able to put him together with a good Friar, who has experience with stuff like this.
 
Coreopisis said:
No - I guess I didn’t think of that. But who would you contact in your diocese?
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Check their web site. Sometimes under an office for priestly formation, they have programs in spiritual direction and they could tell you who the alumni are. My SD took one of those courses. Frankly, I don’t think they’re worth much (unless they teach people NOT TO LAUGH at their sheep). Most of these programs are based on psychological models. Psychology for spiritual direction, like historical criticism for Scripture study, has its uses, but does not encompass the most important part of the project.

Nevertheless, leave no stone unturned.
 
RachaelRene said:
I am curious if anyone else has this problem or if it’s just my area where I live. I live in a rather small community and I’ve asked my parish priest to be a spiritual advisor for myself and he is to busy. I have checked with other parishes in other towns and I get the same response they are too busy. I am at a loss as to where to turn next. Is this a pretty common problem for people to find a spiritual advisor if they need one? I plan to join an order once my children are grown and on their own which I realize is several years away but I am so dedicated to dedicating my life to Christ I feel that I should be receiving guidance and help in preparing for this journey and I am so frustrated that it is so difficult to find someone. Anyone have any ideas on where I should check next? Or what I should do next?
Thanks for any advice
RachaelRene
Click to expand...
 
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