How to forgive someone for a traumatic event (sexual assault) they caused you

[rosepeach]

hello,
I’m currently 15 and I was sexually assaulted by my mum’s partner at the time (my mum had no idea) this video I made with storybooth addresses what happened:

It’s been 5 years now and I’ve gotten over it. The effects it’s had on me are wearing off thankfully (effects like getting panic attacks around men or feeling very disgusting) I still do feel quite horrible and disgusting from time to time but it’s much less than it used to be so I’m getting better ! I want to be able to forgive “Dan” which isn’t his actual name. I haven’t been in contact with him thankfully because there’s a court case re-opened on him as they’re still looking for evidence. I just want to forgive and forget and completely move on from it. I’ve moved past what he did to me but the thing I can’t move past and what bothers me the most is that he did even worse to my sister but she couldn’t speak and tell the police what happened so there’s nothing for her case.

Please pray for me and my sister. I heard that St Maria is a good saint to pray to. God bless you and have a good weekend ! (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`)

 

[TheLittleLady]

I am praying for you. Please, seek spiritual guidance from your priest and counseling from a professional.

 

[rosepeach]

Thankyou x

 

[Carlyy]

your heart is beautiful for wanting to forgive him so so sorry that you had to go through that. God bless you, love. best wishes x

 

[upant]

for peace and justice for you and your sister

OUR FATHER, Who art in Heaven,
hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom
come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in
Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive
those who trespass against us. And lead us
not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

 

[Kindnessmatters]

Having experienced something similar I think first that you need to be ready to forgive. Second, it is important to understand forgiveness does not mean you have to let the person in your life again. You do not owe him “another chance”. You do not need to be at a place where you accept excuses or in any way accept what he did as ok because it wasn’t and never will be.

Rather, you can simply accept that a deeply flawed, damaged and sinful person acted reprehensibly, choose to forgive his transgressions knowing full well they were acts of evil; and sincerely pray God will change his heart and actions and that this man will not sin in this way again.

Do not fall prey to anyone demanding that your forgiveness include letting him back in your life. That would be an unreasonable expectation and beyond what God asks of us.

Be prepared as well for this abuse to come up in future for you, as feelings and anxieties over trauma can re-emerge. Counseling can be helpful for learning how to identify if this is impacting other relationships or decisions so that you can respond accordingly. Abused women are more susceptible to sell ourselves short and permit substandard relationships with men, so I sincerely suggest you try counseling even if you think you are ok…if not through a therapist, then speak with your pruest…

Good for you for wanting to forgive, which is a beautiful expression of faith.