How to get my parents to take me to Confession?

[Don_Ruggero]

I never said it could be received in an unlimited fashion. I said it can be received if he has fallen into sin, which he said he did, no matter how recently his previous confession was. This indeed is a dogma of the faith, defined by the Council of Trent

Trent is treating the nature of the sacrament relative to theories of the Reformation…in other words, it’s saying the sacrament is a remedy for post-baptismal sin that may be received over the course of a lifetime. Attempting to invoke that pronouncement in this situation is inappropriate; it cannot sustain the point you wish to make

I think it’s the same here in the US, it just depends on what they learn.

You think? I explained our process. What is the process in your diocese for granting confession faculties? Since you dispute my competence, that is the very minimum question I ask by which you can demonstrate to me the depth and breadth that your knowledge rests on for administering the sacrament, especially the origin of your knowledge on prudential judgments about the sacrament’s celebration and deferring absolution

If someone is in mortal sin, he cannot be reproached for wanting confession (provided, of course, that he’s truly sorry etc.). If a person is in mortal sin, he cannot receive the sacrament of penance quick enough. You’re right in saying that for someone who is doubt as to whether he committed a sin should simply wait until his next scheduled confession (and I agree too that more than once a week would be excessive), but this does not apply to someone who knows he’s in mortal sin. As I said, in such a case, he ought to receive the sacrament as soon as he can

No, in fact the way you have formulated the point is not correct…it is flawed in a way I would not expect even when examining a student not yet ordained to diaconate

Again, there can be no question of too much frequency as long as the sins confessed are truly mortal. In such a case, the penitent is doing what is right. You’re right, it’s confessor’s duty to determine whether absolution should be given, but he may not refuse to a penitent who has made a sincere confession of mortal sin (which all acts of impurity are) with true sorrow either

One can approach confession too frequently, even if serious sin is involved. A priest is to exercise prudence and discretion when administering reconciliation beyond the bell curve of frequency…the further outside the curve, the greater his attentiveness to the matter and his reticence to accede. A priest thoroughly knowledgeable regarding reconciliation would know, actually not from Alphonsus and moral theology but from mystical theology, the circumstances for extreme frequency…we’re not talking about such instance in this thread

The precise point I have made is: the sacrament in the circumstance is not to be celebrated with the frequency being envisioned by some, including yourself. I hardly see the value of my repeating the same point. The judgment I made stands

A confessor assuredly can – for several reasons independent of each other – defer absolution to a penitent even when there is serious sin and in the presence of true sorrow. That is so fundamental, one being examined before ordination should know that and be able to enumerate different permutations in response to that scenario

I’m not suggesting you’re incompetent; all I’m saying is that if you read the OP’s post, he said he fell into impurity, which is unquestionably mortal. If he really has committed a mortal sin, then absolutely he should go to confession as soon as possible. He should not wait because he thinks it’s “too frequent”. Again, it’s one thing if there’s a doubt, it’s another thing if there’s certainty that the sin was mortal

I find your first statement not in keeping with either the tone or the language you have employed

I did read the post

I object to your statement that the issue is “unquestionable.” That statement cannot be remotely sustained. You seem not to make the distinction between objective matter and acquisition of subjective moral guilt…which must be done and the determination is proper to the confessor in place…not you

I have also interacted with this poster before and from those interactions, I have some familiarity with both the issues, the parents, their concerns, as well as the priest

Well, St. Alphonsus must have been regarded as an authority when Pius XII declared him patron of confessors in 1950. Honestly, if he’s not regarded as an authority, God help the Church. Honestly, the world really hasn’t changed that much; there’s nothing new under the sun

The science of moral theology has hardly stood still since the era of Alphonsus. It is, happily, progressed since his day. He is a saint and doctor of the Church. I don’t look to him, personally, to formulate my thoughts in moral theology any more than I look to Saint Robert Bellarmine to provide me with a methodology for my work of dialogue on ecumenism. He is not the saint whose assistance I invoke, either in teaching classes under the auspices of moral theology or as a confessor. 2016 is also quite removed from 1950…in all facets of theology

Saint Isidore is the patron saint of farmers. The tools, processes, science, and technology of farming have undergone innovation since the days of Saint Isidore just as moral theology has undergone innovation and transformation since the days of Alphonsus

I understood what you were getting at the first time, but some of the advice is not good. I’m not saying you’re a bad priest or anything like that

Really? It doesn’t seem thus to me. So, I ask: across how many decades are you a professor of liturgy and sacraments, since you find my advice “not good?” Across how many decades have you held faculties to hear confessions?

 

[Don_Ruggero]

I’m really not trying to say that I know more than Father. I understand what he’s getting at. But I’ve talked to numerous priests about this and all of them say that one absolutely should not wait to get to confession if one falls into mortal sin, particularly if it’s impurity. Father seems to deny this, and that’s why I’m speaking up. The OP does sound a little scrupulous, but wanting confession after mortal sin is not a manifestation of it - **it’s prudence.
**
God bless,
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

Actually, that pronouncement violates the forum’s rules since the person in question is in pastoral counseling with a priest. That decision that you are articulating belongs with that priest and not with you. That you have assumed that responsibility invites examination by a moderator.

 

[Latinitas]

Actually, that pronouncement violates the forum’s rules since the person in question is in pastoral counseling with a priest. That decision that you are articulating belongs with that priest and not with you. That you have assumed that responsibility invites examination by a moderator.

Father, I really didn’t intend to dispute your competence; I really do apologize if I sounded like that. I’m sorry I violated forum rules.

Since you said you know the penitent, then I’ll defer to you in regards to this case. I think it best now to request that this thread be closed, since the OP is not being helped by our disputing here.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[pianistclare]

It is not an abuse of the sacrament if there really is mortal sin. Confession can be received as often as its needed.

**Never seen a priest that would do that, and I’ve worked with dozens.
**

Priests are required by canon law to hear confessions whenever asked and it will not be seriously inconvenient.

Again, in theory only. In real life…they’ll be seriously aggravated.

He means well, but this is wrong. The spiritual masters disagree with him.

**Wow. **

That’s true, and I reproved that attitude above.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

You are quite mistaken.

 

[Irishmom2]

I think it best now to request that this thread be closed, since the OP is not being helped by our disputing here.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

Interesting that you think it is your place to decide a thread should be closed. And that you know whether the OP is being helped or not. What are your qualifications, by the way! That you think you know best?

 

[OraLabora]

I’m not suggesting you’re incompetent; all I’m saying is that if you read the OP’s post, he said he fell into impurity, which is unquestionably mortal.

No, it is not “unquestionably mortal”. It is unquestionably grave matter. Whether it is mortally culpable or not depends on the presence or not, of the two other of the three necessary conditions for mortal sin. These conditions are:

1. Grave matter
2. Full knowledge that it is a grave sin
3. Full consent of the will.

The Church has given you a wonderful document for your instruction, promulgated by a canonized saint of the Church: the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

I quoted from the Catechism in post no. 13. Go back and read it again; the same pretty much applies to any sin. It is not up to you to make a blanket statement that the OP is in a state of mortal sin. It is up to the confessor to make that determination.

Do you think that parish priests have enough time on their hands to hear the confession of every teenager with supercharged hormones every single time (s)he masturbates? Think practically: the priest has to administer the parish, make sick calls, comfort the dying, administer the anointing of the sick, preside at funerals and weddings, write his homily for next Sunday (which requires study), celebrate daily Mass, attend fundraising events, provide guidance, meet with his bishop, etc.

That’s why most parishes have weekly confession times. The OP may be fortunate enough to live in a place that has a shrine (like St. Joseph’s Oratory in Montreal) where there are fixed times for daily confession. Or he may live in a rural area like me with several merged parishes under the care of a single priest with a couple of retired priests to assist.

The Church, in her wisdom, has given us another tool when we gravely sin but cannot make it to confession immediately: you say an act of perfect contrition and resolve to go to confession as soon as practical. This does not mean calling on the priest that very day. It means making it to the weekly confession time for the parish. You may even receive the Eucharist before then, for grave cause (e.g. in danger of death). But you most emphatically do NOT bother the priest a couple of times a day for the same sin. That is an abuse of the sacrament, as Fr. Ruggero so rightly points out. It shows disrespect for the priest’s time and authority, and it simply reduces confession to a “get out of jail free” card, which in fact damages if not destroys contrition. It requires very little effort on the part of the penitent to go to confession, in comparison to the effort needed to overcome the temptation. It is the latter that God truly wants. He will also understand efforts that fail as long as effort is made. That’s mercy at work.

Confession is a spiritual medicine that is very valuable and is part of an ongoing healing, reconciliation and inner conversion process; it is a sacrament that I avail myself of frequently, but in a balanced manner. A physical medicine for a medical condition can be dangerous if taken in overdose, as it can seriously harm or even kill the patient. Similarly the spiritual medicine of confession can ruin a soul if one overdoses and does not use it judiciously. A priest is well within his rights to make the determination that a penitent is misusing the sacrament through overuse, and to correct the penitent by telling him or her to refrain from coming to confession so frequently particularly if it’s the same sin over and over again, or if the penitent shows signs of scrupulosity.

The OP needs spiritual direction, either acquired through a spiritual director, or if that isn’t possible, through a regular confessor willing to work with the penitent.

I will also add some fraternal correction young man, you need to mature in the understanding of your faith before doling out advice which can be highly damaging. I would suggest that rather than studying the texts of church fathers out of context (which in any event were not intended for the laity but for clergy on the most part), and instead study reverently Holy Scriptures, together with the Catechism of the Catholic Church which will help you assimilate 2000 years of wisdom under the guidance of a document promulgated and signed by a most holy saint of the Church, Saint John Paul II. You have also spoken very disrespectfully to your very holy and orthodox priest and professor and I would urge you to reflect on this before you end up banned.

 

[Glennon_P]

I am the father of three children who have suffered from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It manifested itself in various ways, but for two of my children, the illness took the form of extreme scrupulosity. And I mean extreme – going to Confession, spending 30-40 minutes with their confessor, and then within a couple hours, feeling the need to go again.

One of my children morphed from a smiling, happy-go-lucky kid into a screaming, hysterical person I did not know. The sin that she zeroed in on was sacrilege. She saw mortal sin EVERYWHERE…a few examples:

• She “broke the Communion fast” because she swallowed her saliva and it might have contained particles of food from her breakfast. I told her to brush and floss her teeth thoroughly after breakfast to remove all particles of food. She then “broke the Communion fast” because she might have swallowed a minute amount of toothpaste that was left over in her mouth.

• She “committed sacrilege” because she sneezed after she returned to the pew after receiving Communion and she might have expelled a particle of the Host. She was in hysterics because she did not go through the hair on the back of the head of the person sitting in front of her, looking for the particle.

• She “committed sacrilege” because her finger Rosary fell out of her pocket and landed on the floor.

• She “committed sacrilege” because she thought about the Blessed Mother while she was using the restroom and therefore equated Mary with human bodily waste.

• Every time she went to Confession, she “committed a mortal sin” because she didn’t “do it right” – she might have not said she words of the Act of Contrition correctly, her Confessor didn’t understand exactly the sin she was confessing, she might have not counted the number of her “mortal sins” correctly.

Her confessor (one of the holiest and finest priests I have ever known) and I struggled mightily to reason with her that she had not committed a mortal sin. She then turned on us, accusing us of trying to send her to Hell because we “knew she was in mortal sin”. I offered to take her to a different parish for Confession and she then accused me of trying to kill her because she “knew we would get into a traffic accident and she would die and go to Hell because she knew she was in a state of mortal sin”. There was absolutely no reasoning with her. Her life – and ours – was beyond awful.

Praise God, we found a therapist who was as thoroughly Catholic as he was professionally skilled. Through therapy, spiritual direction with her Confessor, a regimen of medications from a psychiatrist that the therapist referred us to and prayer - LOTS of prayer - she was able to overcome the scrupulosity. Years later, she is a happy, healthy young woman who is more in love with the Lord than she has ever been.

There were times during the worst of those days when her Confessor prudentially limited the frequency of her Confessions. Quite frankly, she would have gone multiple times per day if her Confessor had let her. But doing so would have not been helpful; in fact, it would have been harmful – in the state she was in, she saw an opportunity for mortal sin lurking around every corner, in everything she did.

To the OP, if you are still reading: I am not presuming to know that you are dealing with scrupulosity to the same degree my daughter did; I pray that you are not. However, please know that scrupulosity is real. It is debilitating. It is, I believe, either a tool of the Devil, or is used by the Devil, to drive you to despair. God does not want you to live in fear or despair. God is not setting you up for failure. God is not setting traps just so He can jump out from the behind the bush and yell, “Gotcha!” God did not send His Son to die for you, just so He could send you to Hell. That is not to say, of course, that we do not have to repent of our sins. We all do. But trust that God knows your heart and knows even better than you do the struggles you are having with scruples. You judgment right now is clouded. Trust your parents and your Confessor to help you through this. You will be in my prayers. If you want to PM me, I will be happy to respond.

To the parents of the OP, if you are reading this: Please, please, please get some professional help for your child. Contact your pastor – while he can’t go into detail about what has been confessed, he may be able to help you locate a qualified therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist to help. Working together as a team, you can help your child.

God bless you.

 

[pianistclare]

I am the father of three children who have suffered from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It manifested itself in various ways, but for two of my children, the illness took the form of extreme scrupulosity. And I mean extreme – going to Confession, spending 30-40 minutes with their confessor, and then within a couple hours, feeling the need to go again.

One of my children morphed from a smiling, happy-go-lucky kid into a screaming, hysterical person I did not know. The sin that she zeroed in on was sacrilege. She saw mortal sin EVERYWHERE…a few examples:

• She “broke the Communion fast” because she swallowed her saliva and it might have contained particles of food from her breakfast. I told her to brush and floss her teeth thoroughly after breakfast to remove all particles of food. She then “broke the Communion fast” because she might have swallowed a minute amount of toothpaste that was left over in her mouth.

• She “committed sacrilege” because she sneezed after she returned to the pew after receiving Communion and she might have expelled a particle of the Host. She was in hysterics because she did not go through the hair on the back of the head of the person sitting in front of her, looking for the particle.

• She “committed sacrilege” because her finger Rosary fell out of her pocket and landed on the floor.

• She “committed sacrilege” because she thought about the Blessed Mother while she was using the restroom and therefore equated Mary with human bodily waste.

• Every time she went to Confession, she “committed a mortal sin” because she didn’t “do it right” – she might have not said she words of the Act of Contrition correctly, her Confessor didn’t understand exactly the sin she was confessing, she might have not counted the number of her “mortal sins” correctly.

Her confessor (one of the holiest and finest priests I have ever known) and I struggled mightily to reason with her that she had not committed a mortal sin. She then turned on us, accusing us of trying to send her to Hell because we “knew she was in mortal sin”. I offered to take her to a different parish for Confession and she then accused me of trying to kill her because she “knew we would get into a traffic accident and she would die and go to Hell because she knew she was in a state of mortal sin”. There was absolutely no reasoning with her. Her life – and ours – was beyond awful.

Praise God, we found a therapist who was as thoroughly Catholic as he was professionally skilled. Through therapy, spiritual direction with her Confessor, a regimen of medications from a psychiatrist that the therapist referred us to and prayer - LOTS of prayer - she was able to overcome the scrupulosity. Years later, she is a happy, healthy young woman who is more in love with the Lord than she has ever been.

There were times during the worst of those days when her Confessor prudentially limited the frequency of her Confessions. Quite frankly, she would have gone multiple times per day if her Confessor had let her. But doing so would have not been helpful; in fact, it would have been harmful – in the state she was in, she saw an opportunity for mortal sin lurking around every corner, in everything she did.

To the OP, if you are still reading: I am not presuming to know that you are dealing with scrupulosity to the same degree my daughter did; I pray that you are not. However, please know that scrupulosity is real. It is debilitating. It is, I believe, either a tool of the Devil, or is used by the Devil, to drive you to despair. God does not want you to live in fear or despair. God is not setting you up for failure. God is not setting traps just so He can jump out from the behind the bush and yell, “Gotcha!” God did not send His Son to die for you, just so He could send you to Hell. That is not to say, of course, that we do not have to repent of our sins. We all do. But trust that God knows your heart and knows even better than you do the struggles you are having with scruples. You judgment right now is clouded. Trust your parents and your Confessor to help you through this. You will be in my prayers. If you want to PM me, I will be happy to respond.

To the parents of the OP, if you are reading this: Please, please, please get some professional help for your child. Contact your pastor – while he can’t go into detail about what has been confessed, he may be able to help you locate a qualified therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist to help. Working together as a team, you can help your child.

God bless you.

What a beautiful and truly helpful post.
May you and your family be greatly blessed.
Thank you thank you thank you.
We see so much of this type of thing on the forums…this should be a sticky.
Peace,
Clare

 

[paperwight66]

What a beautiful and truly helpful post.
May you and your family be greatly blessed.
Thank you thank you thank you.
We see so much of this type of thing on the forums…this should be a sticky.
Peace,
Clare

Oh, indeed, indeed.

I could weep to hear what Glennon and his daughter went through - and the whole family must have been affected, too.

Our God is a loving Father, and would have been alongside Glennon and any other parent in that situation.

OP, we must allow God to be what a loving human father would be, times a million million, and more, and understand the struggles of His children, times a million million and more.

How can we make God out to be less understanding and loving than a human parent? It defies commonsense.
As Jesus said, ‘What man among you would give his child a stone when he asked for bread, or a snake when he asked for a fish?’.

 

[Upgrade25]

*]the issue of your scrupulosity
*]the mindset that you manifest here that the sacrament of penance is something you think recourse can be made to even more than once per day
*]the depth of your struggle with temptation and how it is manifesting itself in anxiety
*]your thoughts that you are damned to hell …I should have added if I die

These are serious issues for a 14 year old and they need to be met head on by aggressive pastoral care and pastoral counseling. I suggest you would benefit from the latter especially being intensified.

The priest I’m speaking with isn’t my regular confessor as he’s not at my parish anymore. As well my therapist isn’t Christian and the one he referred us to may not be Catholic(I’d be cool with Orthodox, Assyrian CoE, PNCC, etc.; but certain things are easier to understand among the Apostolic Churches, schismatic or not)

I will speak w/ my confessor and the other priest with whom I speak.

I stopped my CCD in 6th grade(I’m an incoming freshman) to be in the honor band. Plus, I didn’t listen when I did attend CCD, constantly playing around with my friend, even in church

I will say it was a mortal sin though, because I had full knowledge, consent, and it was grave matter. I ignored it. Again today… I need help more than online or accountability checks with my friend to solve this. The temptations and scruples won’t get any better, and the addiction is progressing.

 

[pensmama87]

The priest I’m speaking with isn’t my regular confessor as he’s not at my parish anymore.

I will speak w/ my confessor and the other priest with whom I speak.

I stopped my CCD in 6th grade(I’m an incoming freshman) to be in the honor band. Plus, I didn’t listen when I did, constantly playing around with my friend, even in church

I will say it was a mortal sin though, because I had full knowledge, consent, and it was grave matter. I ignored it. Again today… I need help more than online or accountability checks with my friend to solve this. The temptations and scruples won’t get any better.

I very strongly recommend following the advice given to you by your confessor, and perhaps looking for a licensed professional counselor as well.

And as stated earlier in the thread, please keep yourself occupied. Online activity is really not the best thing for you if you are trying to avoid temptation. Probably the best thing, especially since it’s summer (if you’re in the northern hemisphere), is lots of physical activity with others and going to bed really tired.

 

[pianistclare]

The priest I’m speaking with isn’t my regular confessor as he’s not at my parish anymore. As well my therapist isn’t Christian and the one he referred us to may not be Catholic(I’d be cool with Orthodox, Assyrian CoE, PNCC, etc.; but certain things are easier to understand among the Apostolic Churches, schismatic or not)

I will speak w/ my confessor and the other priest with whom I speak.

I stopped my CCD in 6th grade(I’m an incoming freshman) to be in the honor band. Plus, I didn’t listen when I did attend CCD, constantly playing around with my friend, even in church

I will say it was a mortal sin though, because I had full knowledge, consent, and it was grave matter. I ignored it. Again today… I need help more than online or accountability checks with my friend to solve this. The temptations and scruples won’t get any better, and the addiction is progressing.

I’ll let Father speak to the other issues, but as a DRE, I will say that your parents have an obligation to keep you enrolled in formation. Formation is a lifelong thing.
Keeping busy and involved in good solid catechesis and charity work, service to your parish, will only make you a better person.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

I am the father of three children who have suffered from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It manifested itself in various ways, but for two of my children, the illness took the form of extreme scrupulosity. And I mean extreme – going to Confession, spending 30-40 minutes with their confessor, and then within a couple hours, feeling the need to go again.

One of my children morphed from a smiling, happy-go-lucky kid into a screaming, hysterical person I did not know. The sin that she zeroed in on was sacrilege. She saw mortal sin EVERYWHERE…a few examples:

• She “broke the Communion fast” because she swallowed her saliva and it might have contained particles of food from her breakfast. I told her to brush and floss her teeth thoroughly after breakfast to remove all particles of food. She then “broke the Communion fast” because she might have swallowed a minute amount of toothpaste that was left over in her mouth.

• She “committed sacrilege” because she sneezed after she returned to the pew after receiving Communion and she might have expelled a particle of the Host. She was in hysterics because she did not go through the hair on the back of the head of the person sitting in front of her, looking for the particle.

• She “committed sacrilege” because her finger Rosary fell out of her pocket and landed on the floor.

• She “committed sacrilege” because she thought about the Blessed Mother while she was using the restroom and therefore equated Mary with human bodily waste.

• Every time she went to Confession, she “committed a mortal sin” because she didn’t “do it right” – she might have not said she words of the Act of Contrition correctly, her Confessor didn’t understand exactly the sin she was confessing, she might have not counted the number of her “mortal sins” correctly.

Her confessor (one of the holiest and finest priests I have ever known) and I struggled mightily to reason with her that she had not committed a mortal sin. She then turned on us, accusing us of trying to send her to Hell because we “knew she was in mortal sin”. I offered to take her to a different parish for Confession and she then accused me of trying to kill her because she “knew we would get into a traffic accident and she would die and go to Hell because she knew she was in a state of mortal sin”. There was absolutely no reasoning with her. Her life – and ours – was beyond awful.

Praise God, we found a therapist who was as thoroughly Catholic as he was professionally skilled. Through therapy, spiritual direction with her Confessor, a regimen of medications from a psychiatrist that the therapist referred us to and prayer - LOTS of prayer - she was able to overcome the scrupulosity. Years later, she is a happy, healthy young woman who is more in love with the Lord than she has ever been.

There were times during the worst of those days when her Confessor prudentially limited the frequency of her Confessions. Quite frankly, she would have gone multiple times per day if her Confessor had let her. But doing so would have not been helpful; in fact, it would have been harmful – in the state she was in, she saw an opportunity for mortal sin lurking around every corner, in everything she did.

To the OP, if you are still reading: I am not presuming to know that you are dealing with scrupulosity to the same degree my daughter did; I pray that you are not. However, please know that scrupulosity is real. It is debilitating. It is, I believe, either a tool of the Devil, or is used by the Devil, to drive you to despair. God does not want you to live in fear or despair. God is not setting you up for failure. God is not setting traps just so He can jump out from the behind the bush and yell, “Gotcha!” God did not send His Son to die for you, just so He could send you to Hell. That is not to say, of course, that we do not have to repent of our sins. We all do. But trust that God knows your heart and knows even better than you do the struggles you are having with scruples. You judgment right now is clouded

/…/

This is, I think, one of the most powerful essays about this aspect of pastoral care – and the holistic approach that must be used in extreme and critical care circumstances – that I have ever read from a non-priest/non-clinician. I thank you for sharing this. If I were not retired, I would use it in my classes as it is more eloquent than case studies I used

I join you in giving thanks to God that your daughter is where she is today and was helped by competent experts in a variety of fields – as well as God’s grace and healing action, to be sure – to reach a place of health

Yours is a poignant case and one glimpse into the incredible complexities to which pastoral care can lead a priest and the radical decisions he may have to make there

As you experienced and give testimony, the sacrament of penance, when it is misapplied, can indeed not only be unhelpful and not healthy, it can positively contribute to a downward spiral of the penitent/patient

The priest, in making his decisions about the celebration of the sacrament, must draw from many backgrounds: not only what canon law says and what the theology of the sacrament and what pastoral theology puts forward, he must draw on his courses in psychology and his other courses and practicums to assess the actual situation of the penitent

What you have written demonstrates the point I was endeavouring to make but with a tremendous clarity and a very personal insight

There is a great danger, if I may say so, when people who have not completed the full round of education and formation a confessor needs complete begin speaking as though they have acquired an expertise by simply reading this or that or by talking to priests and then proceed to prescribe on topics…and, worse, make applications to individuals they do not know. The results can be tragic

 

[Don_Ruggero]

The priest I’m speaking with isn’t my regular confessor as he’s not at my parish anymore. As well my therapist isn’t Christian and the one he referred us to may not be Catholic(I’d be cool with Orthodox, Assyrian CoE, PNCC, etc.; but certain things are easier to understand among the Apostolic Churches, schismatic or not)

I will speak w/ my confessor and the other priest with whom I speak.

I stopped my CCD in 6th grade(I’m an incoming freshman) to be in the honor band. Plus, I didn’t listen when I did attend CCD, constantly playing around with my friend, even in church

I will say it was a mortal sin though, because I had full knowledge, consent, and it was grave matter. I ignored it. Again today… I need help more than online or accountability checks with my friend to solve this. The temptations and scruples won’t get any better, and the addiction is progressing.

My son: I am glad to have a chance to offer a word here to you.

I ask the Lord to grant to you, by a special gift and grace, an insight into His infinite love for you and the infinite mercy that is His for you – His child. There are so many beautiful texts…from the popes, from Saint Therese of Lisieux, from Saint Faustina and countless others on the Merciful Love of God. A 14 year old who feels that they are damned is a 14 year old who needs an improved catechesis but also to encounter saints who will help him to understand the love and mercy of God for him, personally, individually.

You might really profit from reading Story of a Soul…the writings of Saint Therese of Lisieux.

I remember the first time I stood in the Visitation monastery at Paray le Monial where Jesus appeared to Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque. Literally, with His Heart in His Hands, the Sacred Heart, He held it out to her and said: “Behold this Heart which has SO LOVED MEN”. That applies to you. “Behold this Heart which has SO LOVED YOU.”

We “fear the Lord”…but it is not the servile fear of a slave who fears being beaten by his master or of being sold to another. It is the fear of a lover who does not want to pain the beloved but to be pleasing in all things and in every way and who loves with the totality of heart, mind, body, soul and strength. The motivation of this “fear” is love…love in answer and response to a Love beyond what we can even begin to comprehend. This is the love we glimpse in a Catherine of Siena and a Teresa of Avila and a John of the Cross who experienced the “transforming union” or the exchange of hearts.

I remember now, as I read your last post, that you said before that the priest with whom you are meeting had been moved…and thus there are two priests helping you. I had forgotten that detail. The priest who moved, if I remember, is one with whom you feel a comfort level or closeness and so your parents take you to see him. It is so important, in your sessions with him, that you open to him the true depth of your internal suffering so that he can help you to address and heal this source of affliction.

It is so important that you make clear to your confessor your internal suffering and turmoil. He cannot address what he does not know or appreciate in its full implications and import. Tell him of your fear of not receiving often enough or of what will happen to you and then listen to what he will explain to you.

I remember you in my prayers and I ask the Lord that the counselor who can best help you will be the counselor that circumstances direct you to. I pray also for your parents.

Please speak to your priest and ask him to help you to understand what the Church teaches in Canon 916 concerning the act of perfect contrition and the usage of the sacrament of penance when possible and the sacrament of the Eucharist. You are one of the people for whom this canon was meant to help.

Your inability to receive the sacrament of penance as often as you might wish need not be an occasion for anxiety. Trust the Church. Trust the priest. It is rare for a 14 year old to come to the end of his pilgrimage, thank God. That should be many decades ahead for you, after a long life.

If you have made your act of contrition and the school falls upon you and you meet the Lord, you can always say you did exactly what Don Ruggero and your priest and your confessor said…and remind Him that He Himself told both Margaret and Faustina that it was their obedience that He wanted and that pleased Him. Be at peace, my child.

For one so young, you carry a very heavy cross right now.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

Interesting that you think it is your place to decide a thread should be closed. And that you know whether the OP is being helped or not. What are your qualifications, by the way! That you think you know best?

Actually, I join you in your request. I also would appreciate if the person you have addressed – after having myself been on the receiving end of his posts and of his judgments – would explain his qualifications. I think, in my posts, I have explained something of my background as a priest and as a retired professor in order to address various points. I am very intrigued to hear his academic and professional background as it relates to engaging in a debate on the matters being discussed, especially since aspects of what he enunciated in his disputation violate fundamental norms in pastoral theology.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

What a beautiful and truly helpful post.
May you and your family be greatly blessed.
Thank you thank you thank you.
We see so much of this type of thing on the forums…this should be a sticky.
Peace,
Clare

 

[Latinitas]

Look, I confess I shouldn’t have gotten involved with this thread. I apologize once again to Father Ruggero if he took offense at what I said.

To the OP, follow the advice of Don Ruggero, since he is a priest - right or wrong, you won’t be at fault for obeying him or your confessor.

Sorry,
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[Irishmom2]

To the OP, follow the advice of Don Ruggero, since he is a priest - right or wrong, you won’t be at fault for obeying him or your confessor.

**Are you kidding me? **

"Right or wrong?"Are you still trying to imply you know more than a priest??

 

[Latinitas]

**Are you kidding me? **

"Right or wrong?"Are you still trying to imply you know more than a priest??

No. I’m admitting my fault in interjecting into this conversation. Whether Father is right or wrong is irrelevant. He’s the priest and he ought to be listened to. There is no sin in obeying a priest (unless, of course, what’s commanded is manifestly sinful, which is obviously not the case here). I’m admitting that challenging Father in public here was wrong. I should have PM’d him instead, if I wanted to discuss it, and been a little less direct. It was a lack of prudence and charity on my part.

This will be my last post on this thread.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[Zelie_Louis]

Thank you to those who participated in the conversation respectfully. Since scrupulosity is a complex issue involving mental health, we must leave further advice and counsel to the priest and professionals in the OP’s real life. Thanks for your cooperation.