How to get the Church to recognize my marriage

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Kelly81

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Hello,

I’m having trouble finding an answer to my question and was hoping someone here can help me. First some background information. I am a Baptized & Confirmed Catholic, my Husband was Baptized Catholic and received Holy Communion. He was never confirmed. We were married outside the Catholic Church because we were not active Church goers and did not want to insult the Church by pretending to be Catholic when we did not live a Catholic life.

Since then, we have repented, gone back to Church and even had our son Baptized and fully intend to send him to Catholic school. There’s one problem, I would like to have our marriage convalidated, but my husband refuses. He doesn’t think its necessary & I can’t convince him otherwise. Is there any way for me to get our marriage validated by the Church given these circumstances?
 
Kelly81 said:
Hello,

I’m having trouble finding an answer to my question and was hoping someone here can help me. First some background information. I am a Baptized & Confirmed Catholic, my Husband was Baptized Catholic and received Holy Communion. He was never confirmed. We were married outside the Catholic Church because we were not active Church goers and did not want to insult the Church by pretending to be Catholic when we did not live a Catholic life.

Since then, we have repented, gone back to Church and even had our son Baptized and fully intend to send him to Catholic school. There’s one problem, I would like to have our marriage convalidated, but my husband refuses. He doesn’t think its necessary & I can’t convince him otherwise. Is there any way for me to get our marriage validated by the Church given these circumstances?
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Yes there is provided that this is the first and only marriage for both of you. It is called a radical sanation. Please ask your priest to help you get the appropriate paperwork started and submitted and God bless you.
 
Also keep in mind that until the marraige is validated, the Church will consider both you as unmarried individuals living in sin.

If you were both Catholic and got married outside of the Church without a proper dispensation then the Church considers you unmarried.

Not trying to be mean, just trying to show you the seriousness of your current situation. The remedy is easy. Overcoming the pride of your current situation sounds like it may be harder.

God Bless, and get married already! 👍
 
Thank you. Yes, this our first marriage for both of us. Hopefully, my husband will come around and we can convalidate, but its good to know there’s another option. Does anyone know if there are required classes for convalidation? Do have to be convalidated around Easter?
 
You might check with your priest about this, because it may be that you would just have your marriage blessed, which might be something your husband would not mind doing. It also does not take a lot of time or fanfare (which may also appeal to your husband), altho I understand that going to Confession beforehand may be a good thing or even necessary.

But it is necessary for you to discuss your particular situation with your priest, because he will be able to ask the right questions and counsel you in the best way.
 
If your husband is the legal type and would like to know the particulars, here is a little info for him from the 1983 code of canon law:

Canon 1065.1 Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage, if this can be done without grave inconvenience.

Canon 1108.1 Only those marriages are valid which are contracted in the presence of the local Ordinary or parish priest or of the priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who, in the presence of two witnesses, assists, in accordance however with the rules set out in the following canons, and without prejudice to the exceptions mentioned in cann. 144, 1112.1, 1116 and 1127.2-3.

Canon 1118.1 A marriage between catholics, or between a catholic party and a baptised non-catholic, is to be celebrated in the parish church. By permission of the local Ordinary or of the parish priest, it may be celebrated in another church or oratory.

Canon 1160 For a marriage which is invalid because of defect of form to become valid, it must be contracted anew in the canonical form, without prejudice to the provisions of Canon 1127.3 [4].

Canon 1161.1 The retroactive validation of an invalid marriage is its validation without the renewal of consent, granted by the competent authority. It involves a dispensation from an impediment if there is one and from the canonical form if it had not been observed, as well as a referral back to the past of the canonical effects.

Canon 1163.1 A marriage which is invalid because of an impediment or because of defect of the legal form, can be validated retroactively, provided the consent of both parties persists.

You can read the rest here: catholicdoors.com/misc/marriage/canonlaw.htm
 
Kelly81 said:
Thank you. Yes, this our first marriage for both of us. Hopefully, my husband will come around and we can convalidate, but its good to know there’s another option. Does anyone know if there are required classes for convalidation? Do have to be convalidated around Easter?
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No, you shouldn’t have to wait till Easter. That is primarily for those being initiated into the Church with the Sacraments of Initiation. Ordinarily, a priest would want to help you take care of this as soon as possible (which is not to say that it won’t wake any time…you still will probably need to fill out some paperwork to make sure everything is in order).

I cannot imagine there being convalidation classes. Those I know who have done this have simply met privately with the pastor.
 
Kelly81 said:
Thank you. Yes, this our first marriage for both of us. Hopefully, my husband will come around and we can convalidate, but its good to know there’s another option. Does anyone know if there are required classes for convalidation? Do have to be convalidated around Easter?
Click to expand...
What will most likely be required in your case:
  1. You may not have relations until the marraige is validated (it is invalid now)
  2. You both go to confession
  3. The Priest will request a retroactive dispensation of form from the local Bishop.
  4. The Bishop MAY require an investigation as to any other impediments to your marraige (They don’t know if one of you was married before, if proper consent was given, etc. Hence an investigation)
  5. Depending on what the investigation turns up you may be required to re-contract your marraige anew (i.e. you never were validly married) or you will be granted a dispensation and your marraige validated retroactivly.
It is hard to say what the solution will be. It depends on the rules the chancery has for your diocese. Don’t treat this process lightly. It is a very serious matter.

Good Luck.
 
You really need to see a priest immediately. I do understand how this happens - one of my friends was in a situation very similar to yours and is now fully restored and is a VERY active member of the Church. So is her husband who is a convert to Catholicism. At this point neither one of you should be receiving Sacraments until you receive the Sacrament of Matrimony in the Proper Form (or unless you are living as Brother and Sister) - it is not having your marriage blessed - it is actually being married in the Church. This is what the word convalidation actually means - it is to validate something by Church which is already validated naturally or legally. A Canon lawyer could probably give you a better description. I know of one for a fact on here but I have a feeling with that statement more might come out and raise their hands. I also know a couple priests who are very skilled in Canon Law. 1ke is also very knowledgable. There are also a couple others who dabble that are skilled as well. Good luck to you. If all else fails Radical Sanitation may be a way to go as well.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
You really need to see a priest immediately. I do understand how this happens - one of my friends was in a situation very similar to yours and is now fully restored and is a VERY active member of the Church. So is her husband who is a convert to Catholicism. At this point neither one of you should be receiving Sacraments until you receive the Sacrament of Matrimony in the Proper Form (or unless you are living as Brother and Sister) - it is not having your marriage blessed - it is actually being married in the Church. This is what the word convalidation actually means - it is to validate something by Church which is already validated naturally or legally. A Canon lawyer could probably give you a better description. I know of one for a fact on here but I have a feeling with that statement more might come out and raise their hands. I also know a couple priests who are very skilled in Canon Law. 1ke is also very knowledgable. There are also a couple others who dabble that are skilled as well. Good luck to you. If all else fails Radical Sanitation may be a way to go as well.
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That’s when they give you a really radically awesome bath! 🙂
 
Hello,

Have you gotten this straightened out yet?

You do not have to take classes for a Radical Sanation and it in fact can be done without consent of your spouse; nor does he even have to be informed of it. However, if both of you are Catholic, the local Bishop can not give a retroactive dispensation but rather it must go to Rome.

I had it done myself recently. The nice part is that my Certificate of Matrimony is on Vatican letterhead.

I am blessed.
 
Kelly81 said:
Hello,
Is there any way for me to get our marriage validated by the Church given these circumstances?
Click to expand...
there is usually a solution to every such dilemma. Visit the pastor on your own and tell him all the background of your situation.
 
And by the way, if the priest or pastor does not know what to do as happened in my case, ask for an appointment directly with a priest from the Tribunal. It took more than a year to find someone who could help me.
 
Kelly81 said:
Since then, we have repented, gone back to Church and even had our son Baptized and fully intend to send him to Catholic school. There’s one problem, I would like to have our marriage convalidated, but my husband refuses. He doesn’t think its necessary & I can’t convince him otherwise. Is there any way for me to get our marriage validated by the Church given these circumstances?
Click to expand...
If he refuses, I recommend going for a radical sanation. Forcing a simple convalidation on someone that doesn’t want to do so can cause resentment against the Church…that’s advice from someone that’s been there.
 
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