G
gmarie21
Guest
Tonya, others have given great advice. Having grown up with controling parents, if I was talked to the way you described how you talk to your husband, I’d be fiesty and indifferent like him too. Your husband doesn’t need another mother so stop treating him like one. You don’t like him being on the computer, then engage him in conversation. Pack a basket and go on a picnic (even if it is in the living room during the colder days). Bundle the baby up and take a walk to the park as a family. Also, with that frozen pizza have fresh veggies chopped up to throw on it and voila, you have a healthy dinner. And give your husband some alone time with your son (where you are out of the house).
Most parents I know have stated that after the first child, the parents become a lot less stressed and controlling about a lot of small issues. I have worked in daycare for a few years now, and I can tell you that this is so true…being a first time parent you’re probably overly controlling (I know that I was with my dd when she was an infant for the first four months) but now you do have to ease the reins a little and let your husband become the husband and dad he’s meant to be, not the one you want to create him to be. The more you tell him what to do, the more he’ll remain in the role that he was most of his life (the child of his mother, you being the new version of his mother). If you both continue on the path you’re already on, your son will most likely turn out to be like your husband, not like you. If you hope for that to not happen, then you do need to change the pattern (you’ve seen the outcome of that pattern by looking at your in-law’s relationship with each other and with how your husband is with them).
And as another posters stated, seperating would be a very bad idea and would just continue to break down your marriage. And remember, you chose to marry your husband for who he is. You state that he hasn’t changed but that you have and now when you complain you are basically rejecting him for who he is (the man you picked to love for your remaining days on earth).
Try to be a type B personality for a few days or weeks (where you’re more resereved, ask more questions, give less opinions, and truly listen) and see how life looks. I know for me, when I decided to basically shut up (I’m a big mouth and extremely opinionated) for a few weeks I noticed how others had changed when I wasn’t so in-your-face to them. I am still opinionated and I do talk loudly (can’t help it, I was raised in a big Italian/Irish family) but I am choosy about my battles and I know when to bite my tounge. It’s amazing how relationships blossom when that happens. I also have been working really hard on breaking the control cycle. It isn’t easy, but I don’t want for my dd to turn out like my controlling relatives and the only way that she stands a decent chance of that is if I stop being so controlling myself.
Most parents I know have stated that after the first child, the parents become a lot less stressed and controlling about a lot of small issues. I have worked in daycare for a few years now, and I can tell you that this is so true…being a first time parent you’re probably overly controlling (I know that I was with my dd when she was an infant for the first four months) but now you do have to ease the reins a little and let your husband become the husband and dad he’s meant to be, not the one you want to create him to be. The more you tell him what to do, the more he’ll remain in the role that he was most of his life (the child of his mother, you being the new version of his mother). If you both continue on the path you’re already on, your son will most likely turn out to be like your husband, not like you. If you hope for that to not happen, then you do need to change the pattern (you’ve seen the outcome of that pattern by looking at your in-law’s relationship with each other and with how your husband is with them).
And as another posters stated, seperating would be a very bad idea and would just continue to break down your marriage. And remember, you chose to marry your husband for who he is. You state that he hasn’t changed but that you have and now when you complain you are basically rejecting him for who he is (the man you picked to love for your remaining days on earth).
Try to be a type B personality for a few days or weeks (where you’re more resereved, ask more questions, give less opinions, and truly listen) and see how life looks. I know for me, when I decided to basically shut up (I’m a big mouth and extremely opinionated) for a few weeks I noticed how others had changed when I wasn’t so in-your-face to them. I am still opinionated and I do talk loudly (can’t help it, I was raised in a big Italian/Irish family) but I am choosy about my battles and I know when to bite my tounge. It’s amazing how relationships blossom when that happens. I also have been working really hard on breaking the control cycle. It isn’t easy, but I don’t want for my dd to turn out like my controlling relatives and the only way that she stands a decent chance of that is if I stop being so controlling myself.