How to help wife who is losing her faith

[ngalia2]

I could use some advice.

My wife and I married about 3.5 years ago in the church. At the time we struggled to live a virtuous courtship but found ourselves failing. Despite our weakness, we still strived to live out our faith. We had numerous conversations prior to our engagement to ensure our values were the same and we were both committed to raising our children as good Catholics when the time came.

During the past 3 years we have struggled with infertility and other issues which have strained our relationship. Last year I was able to talk my wife into going to therapy and things seemed to improve. Recently however, my wife has started espousing beliefs which are diametrically opposed to church teachings, and it has become increasingly difficult to foster a spiritual life together and raise very grave concerns for me on our duty to each other’s spiritual growth as well as our future children.

I’m crushed and don’t know what to do anymore. She doesn’t want to put forth an effort anymore to know or grow in her faith and it feels like it’s a constant battle to get us to pray together or attend church. I worry about how these changes are impacting my wife’s spirituality, but also my own; and I’d be very concerned about bringing children into that environment when I feel like it would be a constant battle with my wife to raise them in accordance with our promises before God at our wedding.

I sure could use some advice.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

When you say your wife is expressing views opposed to the Church’s teaching, is she expressing the views of another religion, or like atheistic views?

Unfortunately, I’m not sure there’s a lot you can do.
If you nag her about it, it’s likely to just make her resent religion/faith even more. I think the best thing to do is quietly set an example. Don’t browbeat her about it; just keep practicing your faith and make it clear you’d love for her to join you, but don’t pester her. Also make it clear that if she wants to talk about whatever issue she’s having, you’re more than willing to listen. And if she does open up, don’t immediately jump down her throat and start lecturing her. Just listen. She may just be frustrated and need to vent.

 

[redcatholic]

So where are those beliefs coming from? Her friends, her therapist? They have to come from somewhere.

 

[dollysro]

Sorry you are going through this, all of it is very difficult.
Not to be nosy but are these beliefs rooted in getting help for the infertility? A lot of people get desperate

 

[Lapdo]

Recently however, my wife has started espousing beliefs which are diametrically opposed to church teachings, and it has become increasingly difficult to foster a spiritual life together a

Look into the

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[TheLittleLady]

Love her, do not judge or condemn her. When she communicates her ideas, be a safe place for her to question and doubt, knowing you love her. If she wants, try looking into her questions together.

 

[Annie]

my wife has started espousing beliefs which are diametrically opposed to church teachings,

Why is she doing that? Is she angry with God over the problems you two have been going through? Some other reason? This is not for you to answer here, but to find out so that you understand her better.

raise very grave concerns for me on our duty to each other’s spiritual growth as well as our future children.

First, a priest would probably be the best person to discuss this issue with if you have a good priest.

Secondly, it sounds like she is going through something hard, and you are withdrawing from her because you are unhappy with what she is choosing at the moment. She is your wife forever (in this life), think about what drew you to her and appreciate those more permanent aspects of her. Be supportive of her difficulties and let her be open with you without your reacting negatively.

 

[edward_george1]

@camoderator, I think the weather in Arizona is very nice today.

 

[Frankenfurter]

She may be growing in her faith too. We must question our faith. For some people who never really explored the faith, they need to go through a phase where they take on views and explore positions that they later find are wrong. We all are on our own path.

The most supportive thing you can do and is to help her sort things out. We do that by not judging, but helping her express what she is thinking about. We need each other to work things out. Be patient with her.

And always be aware that physical problems can manifest as emotional ones. It may also be that the let down of infertility has put her into an emotional funk. That is hard and is actually a grieving process to get through.

Please remember that there are many kids that need a home. You may be ready to be parents and could be a perfect match!