How to know when to offer it up and when to say something

[BOBKAT]

Hello everyone,

I need your advice yet again. I am discerning some family issues and for the most part I pretty much know what to do,however I am having some difficulty with knowing what all to offer up and when I should say something. I have family members who have left the faith, just because someone convinced them that we are the whore of babylon I have been trying in a suttle way to say it isn’t so. I decided that the best thing for me to do is detach from them all of them not just the bible christians, but the whole bunch of them. Here is my problem I have been fighting the demon of envy for most of my life I grew up in between two very obvious favorites and a cousin who my mother adored so I made a consience decision that rather than being jealous I would befriend them and do what I have to to get the attention I needed and it worked, but I am still fighting and it is getting the best of me. My little brother was having problems with his addiction and I helped my SIL by calling her and I also stayed at the hospital with her for about 4 hours no other member of the family came.I ask where my sister was she is responsible for him leaving the faith and she was nowhere to be found. Well we all got over this and life went on In December the same brother had a daughter who was getting married and I offered my house for the shower mostly to get the company and help out you see I lover entertaining my family so that was no problem. After that I was having a little gathering of some family members to do a show and invited my SIL’s and my sister no of which showed up didn’t call me or email for a week than did and expressed sorrow by that time my little girl who has Down Syndrome was going into the hospital for surgery and we had been through alot with her and my family knew it well guess what no a brother or sister called to see how she made out, nothing so when I said something I was told they didn’t know about it and that is simply not true I have been talking about it since they sent us home from a previous scheduled surgery to do more testing. I got passed that also now here comes the wedding and lo and behold I have yet another problem her is my sister and my neice who by the way is my baby’s godmother only she is not because she now doesn’t believe in it so he gets no acknowledgment are sitting at the head table and I am sitting with my two brother their wives and children and my son was sitting with people he didn’t know. Needless to say I had a good time, but vowed to detach myself from further slaps in the face. Anyhow my son informed my that everyone thinks I am mad because I was sitting at the head table and that is not true I was upset that I was seated with my sister her daughter and my son since we all are around the same age. I was angry, but now I am just trying to detache. I really don’t fit in never did and most likely won’t and so I just want to keep my emotions intack and keep the envy demon from me. I feel I will lose the battle. Here it is "SHOULD I CALL MY SIL AND TELL HER THAT I AM NOT MAD AND EXPLAIN TO HERE THAT I NEED TIME AWAY OR SHOULD I JUST GO TO HERE SHOWER AND IGNORE WHAT THEY ARE THINKING. I HAVE OFFERED SO MUCH ALREADY AND GOD KNOWS HE DESERVES MUCH MORE OFFERING, SOMEHOW I FEEL THAT THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID. I DO HAVE THE ABILITY TO SAY THINGS WITH GRACE AND SENSITIVITY SO THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM. PLEASE ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRICEATED. Sorry this is so long and trust me you don’t have the half of it.

God Bless
Kathleen

 

[Della]

It sounds like there is a great deal of misunderstanding between you and your family. You might be surprised to learn that most of what you think about them probably isn’t true. As you pray about it, think of that, and forgive whatever hurts you feel they inflicted on you. No doubt they would be surprised to hear some of the things you feel they did to you. Most of which was either misconstrued or not done in malice but in simple ignorance of your feelings and how you see things.

A lot of what you are basing your feelings upon here is assumptions, not facts. If you feel alienated from your family, I think you should talk to them about it, expressing your feelings as you see the situation, but in great love and respect for them. Tell them from the start that you love them all, but feel separated from them and want to find out how to mend things.

Then listen to them, too. Let them tell you how they see things, and don’t be offended at what they have to say, but let them express themselves. Be open and honest with them and ask for them to be open and honest, too. Forgive them and let them forgive you. And go to confession and talk to your confessor about meeting with them (in group or one by one) and ask for his advise.

 

[BOBKAT]

Ouch that hurt, however I can promise you this I do forgive and have been forgiving and will continue to forgive I just feel like I am around a bunch of phony people and I want to yell at the top of my lungs, but I also want to speak as though Christ had given me the words and that is why I ask should I speak up. I am angry I can now see that and maybe I should go to confession and speak with my priest about this anger that is related to hurt which is the worst kind. I really feel like for the first time in my life I am losing the battle with that particular demon.

Thanks