How to make restitution?

[Flopfoot]

I volunteered to do a sort of ‘job’ for some people. So, they didn’t do the job, but instead relied on me to do the job. Then, the time in which to do the job ran out and I hadn’t done it. So it was never done. It’s not something that I can go back and do now; it’s something they will have to put up with (although after tomorrow, the job not being done won’t affect them any more). How can I make restitution to these people? I couldn’t offer to do another job for them - even if they would trust me again, I don’t trust myself to do a good job, and I fear that then, I would just have another job not done that I would have to make restitution for. In fact, I don’t really want to show my face in that crowd again, but I guess if I had to, I could go to them and make a face to face apology. But yea, I don’t know how to make proper restitution to them. What should I do?

 

[Shoshana]

Flopfoot:

I volunteered to do a sort of ‘job’ for some people. So, they didn’t do the job, but instead relied on me to do the job.
Then, the time in which to do the job ran out and I hadn’t done it. So it was never done. It’s not something that I can go back and do now; it’s something they will have to put up with (although after tomorrow, the job not being done won’t affect them any more). How can I make restitution to these people? I couldn’t offer to do another job for them - even if they would trust me again, I don’t trust myself to do a good job, and I fear that then, I would just have another job not done that I would have to make restitution for. In fact, I don’t really want to show my face in that crowd again, but I guess if I had to, I could go to them and make a face to face apology. But yea, I don’t know how to make proper restitution to them. What should I do?

Dear Flopfoot…

It is at moments like these that we realize and those around us realize that we are all fallible humans…I am so sorry to hear of your quandary!. There are many questions to be asked here:

• what made you decide to volunteer for the job?
• what made you decide not to follow through with this job?
• was it something within your control that it never got done?

Are these people friends of yours, Flopfoot? Depending on your answer to these questions, I would make myself go to the people one way or the other. If things were out of my control, then I would explain it all to them. If it was negligence, then I would apologize. I know it’s hard, but you are the better person for it…

Maybe you could give us some more details…

 

[Honoria20]

Flopfoot:

I volunteered to do a sort of ‘job’ for some people. So, they didn’t do the job, but instead relied on me to do the job. Then, the time in which to do the job ran out and I hadn’t done it. So it was never done. It’s not something that I can go back and do now; it’s something they will have to put up with (although after tomorrow, the job not being done won’t affect them any more). How can I make restitution to these people? I couldn’t offer to do another job for them - even if they would trust me again, I don’t trust myself to do a good job, and I fear that then, I would just have another job not done that I would have to make restitution for. In fact, I don’t really want to show my face in that crowd again, but I guess if I had to, I could go to them and make a face to face apology. But yea, I don’t know how to make proper restitution to them. What should I do?

Hi Flopfoot,

Aren’t you being a little scrupulous here? If I understand this correctly the other people should have done the job and left it for you and you, for whatever reason weren’t able to follow through. So, now you feel embarrassed and are afraid to face them? Why?
They didn’t do the job either so IMO you are both culpable. In a word: FORGIVENESS!

What comes to mind are words of St. Josemaria :
“never remaining down after a fall. “Another fall… and what a fall! Despair? No! Humble yourself and through Mary, your Mother, have recourse to the merciful love of Jesus. A miserere — “have mercy on me” — and lift up your heart! And now, begin again.” (The Way, no. 711).”

http://www.escrivaworks.org/book/the_way/point/711

Hope this helps

 

[Flopfoot]

Yes, they are friends of mine.
I volunteered for the job because if I didn’t do it, then someone else would have had to do the job. It’s a job that has to be done for every week, but we decide who is going to do for each week well in advance. When I met up with them it seemed like they needed more people on the roster so that people would not have to do it so frequently.
I didn’t do the job because I ran out of time. This was partly bad time management, starting too late, laziness, being busy with other things, difficulty with doing the job (so I put it off), not wanting to do it while other people were around, and also, because when I finished it I actually thought I was on time, but I hadn’t actually called anyone to check (I had postponed the first deadline, but didn’t realise I couldn’t postpone it further) and so the work I had done was no good to anyone.
Yes, it’s basically my fault that it never got done. If I had started earlier, or worked harder on it, or hadn’t put it off so much or been lazy about it, then it would have got done. Everyone else always has it done one time.
I have actually done this once before, volunteering to do the job, and not having it finished on time. But that time, they worked around me and were able to use the work I have done. This time they can’t.
I’m not just worried about whether or not I should apologise. I want to know if I need to make some sort of restitution. There was something I was going to help them out with anyway. But now I just want to pretty much cut all ties with these people, because I don’t think that I’m trustworthy enough to help them with other things anymore and because I don’t think they’d be very happy with me after this… but can I just say sorry and then run off? I feel like that would be wrong to do…

Edit - to Honoria - It’s a one person job. If I hadn’t volunteered to do it then they would have got someone else to do it and it would have got done. But it’s something that takes a while to do. I couldn’t have just rung someone a few days before and said, I’m running out of time, can you do it. And even if I could have, I didn’t. The point is that they were relying on me, because I said I would do it. It’s not like they were lazy like me and didn’t do the job - they didn’t know that they had to do it - because they didn’t have to do it.

 

[Shoshana]

Dear flopfoot,

You have answered all my questions and thank you so much. Now, you need to stop dengrating yourself. And please, do not specualte what the others’ may think of your future jobs. You are a good man, but we all make mistakes. And I think, this is the first of many steps toward true humility. We all make mistakes and maybe your firends would also see it this way…give them a chance. You just might be surprised at their response. Maybe they were also in the same position at one time.

So, onward forward and apologize and if you need to explain do so. My prayers are with you. If you feel a need to restitute, ask them what they would want you to do. Tell them you are contrite in not followng on your own word…

As Dr Spock has said: Knowledge and experience gives wisdom…this could also follow into the spiritual world also…Good luck my friend. Please let us know what happens as we really do care…

 

[Joysong]

Sometimes, Flopfoot, we just have to accept the limitations of our humanness and try harder the next time, remembering that we are weak, and asking for grace to do better.

Restitution, in my way of thinking, means making up for the wrong we have done, whenever possible. If it was a case of omission, and not a financial matter, sometimes there is nothing that can replace one’s lack of performance. If you caused another person financial hardship due to your omission, then according to your means, it is a good idea to redress the wrong.

Here’s an example that came to my mind. I was scheduled to take holy communion to the sick, and we generally go in a team of two. My partner was not able to go, and I did not have the amount of time to take on the added patients due to her absence. So I called the person in charge and told them I could not go. She called the pastor, who cancelled his previous appointments and arranged to go in our place. I would have been more than happy to go with him, but the supervisor did not consider that an option.

As a result, I was removed from the list for future visitations. At first I thought it was a mistake, so I contacted the supervisor, asking to be put back on the next schedule. Once again, I was not placed. I simply have to bear the consequences of my inaction that was not sinful, not deliberate, not foreseen with an adequate time allotment, and allow this person to think of me as irresponsible and unworthy. It’s not easy sometimes, but it helps one grow in virtue, following in Christ’s footsteps, bearing wrongs patiently. (A spiritual work of mercy) I need to mention, also, that this was my first and only time of not being able to go.

Carole

 

[Tietjen]

Flopfoot:

I volunteered to do a sort of ‘job’ for some people. So, they didn’t do the job, but instead relied on me to do the job. Then, the time in which to do the job ran out and I hadn’t done it. So it was never done. It’s not something that I can go back and do now; it’s something they will have to put up with (although after tomorrow, the job not being done won’t affect them any more). How can I make restitution to these people? I couldn’t offer to do another job for them - even if they would trust me again, I don’t trust myself to do a good job, and I fear that then, I would just have another job not done that I would have to make restitution for. In fact, I don’t really want to show my face in that crowd again, but I guess if I had to, I could go to them and make a face to face apology. But yea, I don’t know how to make proper restitution to them. What should I do?

I suppose the only real thing that you can do is apologize for not doing the job. If it was not done because circumstances prevented you from completing it, then explain those circumstances. If it was laziness on your part, then tell them that you have no excuse for not doing what you said you would do. In other words, be honest about the situation and take responsibility for your inaction. If this inaction on your part cost them money, then I also believe that you should compensate them for any money lost. Don’t avoid them because of your mistake. That will not solve anything. They will only think less of you in the end.

 

[puzzleannie]

I don’t think you can make restitution, from what you say, but you certainly owe them an apology. That is common courtesy, not just a moral issue.

Perhaps a better thing to look at in terms of matter for confession is promising to do things that you have a good reason to believe you will not or cannot fulfill. Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no, as Jesus said. Why do you promise? Look into the reasons. for me it could be I want them to think well of me, I want people to think of me as giving and cooperative, I am looking for an excuse to miss another conflicting commitment, I don’t organize my time well (bad stewardship).

 

[Flopfoot]

I went and apologised to them today. They didn’t make much of a stir. A few people told me that they had actually done the same thing in the past and people didn’t mind too much.

As for helping them with things in future, they said they would call me if they wanted me to help with something. So I guess if they do call then they must trust me enough to help with things… (they said the work they needed done soon was a bit different, and shouldn’t be too hard for me to do). As for whether I think I’m trustworthy enough to take any future jobs, they said I have to decide that for myself.