How to motivate a teenager boy

[Rene_H]

L. is my 17 year old grandson. He is number 5 in a family of 6 boys. He has been in Public Schools and Catholic Schools. He is intelligent but does not work and does not seem interested by anything except computers games. As a result most of the time his school results have been mediocre to poor.

My son and his eldest son have graduated from one of the best (and most expansive) Catholic School in the area. The fathers are loving and very attentive and the lay professors are on the whole very good. The program is very intensive and requires a lot of work from the students. The youngest boy of that family has been in that school for 4 years and is faring more or less satisfactorily.

After lots of pleading by my son and his wife, L. was admitted last year in that school. I believe the school tried hard to motivate him but without success. Before Easter, the parents were told that he could not stay in the school and should look elsewhere for the next year.

L. has been followed by psychologists and/or psychiatrists for a number of years both individually and in small groups, but I do not see much improvements. On their advice, L. was put last september in a special school that provides individual teaching on the various high school subjects. I am paying the horrendous fees of that school. I consider this as a last chance for the young man, but he still shows no interest in anything.

I am beginning to wonder whether it makes sense to pursue this expensive experiment. I know that there are summer camps, some of them pretty rough, whose main purpose is to help young men a sense of purpose, of motivation and I am exploring possibilities.

I would appreciate any suggestions for schools or programs for next summer or, preferably, for the whole year, were activities are designed to help participants find what could be their goal in life and to learn how to pursue that goal intelligently and with perseverance. While I would prefer a catholic approach, I am prepared to look anything that look promising even if it is expensive.

Many thanks and my prayers for anyone who tries to help me.

 

[Tyler_Smedley]

Wow, uumm, you could always try Fr. Corapi, if you know about Fr. Corapi he is a wonderful Priest that gives wonderful sermons on just about anything. www.fathercorapi.com He helped me turn my life around, maybe he can do that with your grandson…I will pray for the outcome of this…

 

[Princess_Abby]

Computer games are his currency?

This is not as hard as it seems. If you are paying his schooling and seeing zero results, you need to make the tuition payments conditional on your grandson’s performance and compliance. Furthermore, if your grandson is not going to meet expectations required of him academically, then your grandson should have zero privileges–such as playing computer games, driving the family car, watching television, using the internet, having meals prepared for him, access to the laundry room, toiletries his parents provide, etc.

A 17 year old is months away from being a man and legally an adult. Coddling someone is not going to inspire motivation. After all, your grandson has never been required to do much of anything–so why should he start now? This system is altogether too easy for him. Grandfather forks out the cash, psychologists twitter over him and explain he needs “special schools,” and then he fails and everyone runs back to Grandfather and expects him to ante up for the next “expensive experiment” to “give this young man a chance.”

He’s been GIVEN a chance! Many chances! Time for him to go work at McDonald’s. Flip some burgers and see what lies ahead if he isn’t going to do any hard work or choose the course of action which will enable him success later on in life.

Throw the computer away. Lock it up. Remove it from his parents’ home. Do whatever you need to do in order to make it very clear to your grandson that life does not consist of remote-conrolled screen full of graphics. We are all called to be contributing members of society. If he’s not interested in school right now, fine. Get a job and get to GED classes. If he refuses to work, and refuses to attend GED classes, then fine. Find another place to play computer games.

If your son, his father, is unwilling to be “so harsh,” to his “baby,” then fine. Wash your hands of this. Your only leverage is the money you keep forking out. Don’t be a fool and don’t believe for a second that some randomly and ridiculously expensive school is going to create an internal motivation in your grandson. He’s going to have to have his world shaken up.

I am 25 years old and it wasn’t so long ago that I was in high school. My parents would never have tolerated me mooching off not only them, but my GRANDPARENTS. The very idea just makes me sick–not for your grandson, but for you. You are obviously very generous and kind-hearted. I will pray for your courage.

 

[Flounder]

This is the old horse to water thing…you’ve been dragging him there but he’s not thirsty. It’d be nice if all teenagers made smart choices, but they don’t.

Think of this possible story line. Grandson moves out on his own; can barely get by, certainly can’t afford a computer or games. Floats from one dead end job to another. Finally around 25 her realized he has to get his act together. It’s an uphill struggle to get the education/training he should’ve gotten earlier, but he finally starts. Looking back realizes he was foolish, but now wants to make something of himself.

Pray for him, but don’t carry him. Some lessons can’t be taught.

 

[puzzleannie]

whatever you do, don’t send him off to college when he turns 18 and continue to subsidize his laziness. You say he is in counselling, has physical exam been done to find out if there is an underlying cause, low thyroid etc, clinical depression. Lock up the TV, computer or whatever else provides his barrier and excuse.

the marines proved the ticket for my family member in a similar situation, at that time they took 'em at age 17. The boy’s father dragged him out of bed one morning gave him a choice, go back to school and pass every subject, go to work on a construction crew, or enlist in the marines. Idiot chose the marines (1968 very bad timing). He is now the father of 3 kids who have always been made to toe the line and are wonderful young adults.