How to pray before a meal in a non-Catholic household?

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This year, for Thanksgiving, my wife and I will be visiting our families as new Catholics (we are currently in RCIA). At my mother’s house, I will be asked to lead the family in prayer before our meal, as always. I will be leading prayer among family members who are staunch anti-Catholics (my mother and Grandmother, mainly… they were both raised Catholic, but together, converted to a Protestant faith in the late 70’s). I am positive that starting the prayer with the sign of the Cross is going to upset them, but what else am I to do? Has anyone else found themselves in this situation? I am thankful for having been lead back home to the Catholic Church (by default, I was basically forced to convert when my mother converted away from the Church). I love my faith and I love the Church. But this is a first for me. Being a guest in a non-Catholic home and being asked to lead a prayer. Any advice?

sCV
 
When we are with our non-Catholic relatives, we usually don’t make the Sign of the Cross - or do it as indescretely as possible, usually just bowing our heads and just doing it afterwards. I would say that you either not say it outloud (ie. "Let’s begin - in the name of the Father…) but just do it quietly and then begin praying outloud (as I’m sure your family members will bow their heads in prayer anyway) and then pray and say “Amen” at the end of grace and make the sign of the cross silently again :).
 
This year, for Thanksgiving, my wife and I will be visiting our families as new Catholics (we are currently in RCIA). At my mother’s house, I will be asked to lead the family in prayer before our meal, as always. I will be leading prayer among family members who are staunch anti-Catholics (my mother and Grandmother, mainly… they were both raised Catholic, but together, converted to a Protestant faith in the late 70’s). I am positive that starting the prayer with the sign of the Cross is going to upset them, but what else am I to do? Has anyone else found themselves in this situation? I am thankful for having been lead back home to the Catholic Church (by default, I was basically forced to convert when my mother converted away from the Church). I love my faith and I love the Church. But this is a first for me. Being a guest in a non-Catholic home and being asked to lead a prayer. Any advice?

sCV
If you are being asked to led the prayer then lead it (sign of the corss and all)…I really would not worry about this, just my 2cents
If you are unsure if you should lead the prayer than speak to whomever asked you to lead the prayer…tell them that you will lead the prayer but you will be making the sign of the cross etc…see if they have a problem with it…but it back into their hands.
 
I am in the same position… at my Baptist son’s home

I will say

“We are gathered today for this meal of thanksgiving, and as Christians we bear witness to ‘Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit’ (making the sign of the cross as I say it) as we ask You to Bless us, O Lord, for these thy gifts, which we are about to receive from thy bounty… through Christ Our Lord…Amen”

worked last year… and some one even commented that they preferred the short and directprayer so the food did not get cold.:rolleyes:
 
Better to lead with the sign of the cross then provide an opportunity for anyone to think “I thought he was Catholic? Why isn’t crossing himself?” and appearing wishy-washy in your Faith.

I was engaged to a man whom I dated for 4 years. He was not Catholic, and none of his family where. All Church of the Nazarene. When we would say grace before meals, I would always cross myself. I didn’t mind one bit that I stood out. It’s what Catholics DO - we stand out and stand up for our Faith, even through the little things, like making the sign of the cross.

This is a wonderful opportunity to wear your new Faith in public and outwardly show how happy you are to be part of Christ’s One True Faith!

Go for it!! What are they going to do, refuse to pass the cranberries? 😉

You will be just fine. Just be brave as the saints were brave, and you will be fine. Once you do it for the first time this year, the stress will be off and next year it won’t be new anymore.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday!

~Liza
 
I am in the same position… at my Baptist son’s home

I will say

“We are gathered today for this meal of thanksgiving, and as Christians we bear witness to ‘Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit’ (making the sign of the cross as I say it) as we ask You to Bless us, O Lord, for these thy gifts, which we are about to receive from thy bounty… through Christ Our Lord…Amen”

worked last year… and some one even commented that they preferred the short and directprayer so the food did not get cold.:rolleyes:
A very elegant solution. 👍
 
Please read this to the end to prevent off-the-cuff responses from others of "Don’t hide your Catholicism"

Public, communal prayer to our Lord is to engender unity and not division, especially in a family situation. While everyone on my side of the family is Catholic, my wife’s side of the family has probably 30% Non-Catholic. When my wife or I lead the prayer (which is usually even in the house of others), what we do is hold hands as a family, begin the prayer with "We come together as family in the name of . . . ., make a spontaneous prayer that includes words of adortion, a family petition (be with those not with us or comfort/heal/protect one who is hurting/suffering) and thanksgiving. We then conclude with the Catholic table blessing. Then, those who are Catholic may cross themselves at the end.

If I were in your situation, I would do the same except I would probably learn/recite the traditional table blessing of your family instead of the one that few if any would know (unless of course it includes or imply a heresy as in what may be in the Jehovah’s Witnesses or Morman table prayers).

I would be very sensitive to communicate these things (remembering St. Francis’ words- Always, Always preach the Gospel. Use words if necessary):
  1. You are still a member of the family and your conversion is not something that separates you as a family.
  2. Your impending conversion makes you a more complete Christian. For this, I would put a great deal of thought and prayerful discernment into your prayer prior to arriving so that they will see a “new person” clothed in Christ.
  3. After you cross yourself at the conclusion, make a point to be joyous and comforting. Hug the closest person to you (not your wife) and then kiss your wife if you want 😃 (of course you do!). Maybe even make a point to be right next to your mother or grandmother.
There is no obligation that you cross yourself if you think it will be divisive. Or you can do what I do in public so as not to bring attention to myself is I take my thumb and discretely cross my lips to bless them for the gift of the food I’m about to partake.

Your main obligation is to foster unity. From unity, your new example over time can become a powerful witness to future conversion. And being low-key will engender respect and admiration. And, hopefully, you might even get a private conversation with someone who wants to know about your conversion and the Church.

Low-key is very consistent with Catholic evangelization. We traditionally don’t bible thump or wear it externally in bold colors. We just humbly try to be good examples of Christian living, allow people to see Christ in our smiles and our quiet laboring out of love for Christ on behalf the poor, hurting, and forgotten, and only overtly evangelize when we see the right opportunities and an open heart to the Good News.

Finally, you have a special but important obligation and opportunity to your mother and grandmother. They left the Church obviously over a misunderstanding (personal or theological).

By not rubbing their faces in their past decision (despite what has happened on the outside, I know deep in their conscience/heart they have been troubled their decision to break communion with the Church. In fact, the more “anti-Catholic” they have been is an indication of the torment they have dealt with these past 35 years or so), you need to begin now to build a bridge that might cause them to open up and talk to you about the Church. You can one day be an instrument of the Holy Spirit to bring them Home again.

This is my prayer for you. Not that you do a good job “praying” but that it is the first step to their reversion. God bless you. What a wonderful place God has put you in this time and place!
 
with the non-Catholics in my family, when they are the hosts, we pray the grace they ususally use. some of us make the sign of the cross by habit, but nobody minds. If one of the kids is assigned this duty they usually write their own prayer. Some are pretty hilarious, actually, and DD set the record with a 14 minute grace that included a piano piece and visual aids (she was 4 at the time).
 
As someone who’s been married to a Protestant for 10+ years (he’s only recently come home to the Church) , with an extended, committed Protestant family, I say skip the sign of the cross (as others much more elegantly have stated) if you feel it will be divisive. There’s no reason to include it if you think it will cause strife, and you’re not “hiding” anything about your faith to not cross yourself (after all, they know you’ve converted, right?). You can still end the prayer with something like, “We give thanks, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.” There’s no law that says Catholics have to pray with the sign of the cross!

In fact, since my husband grew up Protestant, he’s not used to the whole sign of the cross thing. Nothing against it, of course, but it’s not part of his personal devotions at all times. So often, when he leads family prayers, he will end with the more Protestant “in Jesus’ name we pray, Amen”.

Don’t change your faith, but don’t include something you feel will be divisive if it’s not necessary!
 
If at their house, usually they would be the ones to lead the prayer.
If they ASK us to pray, we do it just like normal. “In the name of the Father…Through Christ our Lord Amen”, cross again.
If they don’t like it, they won’t ask us to pray again, and we just go along with theirs.
I find it weird that someone wouldn’t lead the prayer in their own home.
 
This being your first time, if you want to be discrete, you can simply make a sign of the cross by crossing your thumb over your index finger and kissing it. You can mentally say, “In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen”, or go ahead and verbalise it. No Christian should want to argue with prayer being deidicated to the Blessed Trinity! The handmovements can be fearsome and distracting to some non-Catholics though, so a simple cross and a kiss would detract less from the company’s attentiveness to your prayer. May God bless you and your family this holiday!
 
I’m the only Catholic in a family of Southern Baptists. I make the Sign of the Cross when I pray, as do my Catholic friends when they visit with me. It’s never been a big deal to anyone, including my dear deacon grandfather.
 
Perhaps before starting the grace you could mention the fact that the earliest Christians crossed themselves, as well as making the sign of the cross over food, clothing etc.

There’s a great quote from one of the Early Church Fathers about this which I can’t put my finger on at the moment. If/when I find it I’ll pass it on if you want.

With this brief intro behind the meaning of the Sign of the Cross, it should be more comprehensible to the non-Catholics present.
 
Hun you cross yourself and be proud. If they don’t want to cross themselves then that’s up to them, they’re not comfortable. But you have holy pride and cross yourself and mean it.
I’m doing a program right now at university which is non-denominational (including non-christian) but we give thanks before our meals and God is not mentioned in their prayers, but I cross myself because I know that it is to :bowdown2: God whom I owe my thanks! Cross yourself and be proud of it; it’s from the Father, Son and Holy Spirit that the food appears on your table.

Love,
-unworthy
 
The standard Catholic grace before meals prayer isn’t really objectionable to anyone, and I know at least one Baptist acquaintance who also uses it.

I don’t see this as any great issue.
Bless* us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to recieve, from your bounty, through Christ, our Lord. Amen*.
 
This being your first time, if you want to be discrete, you can simply make a sign of the cross by crossing your thumb over your index finger and kissing it. You can mentally say, “In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen”, or go ahead and verbalise it. No Christian should want to argue with prayer being deidicated to the Blessed Trinity! The handmovements can be fearsome and distracting to some non-Catholics though, so a simple cross and a kiss would detract less from the company’s attentiveness to your prayer. May God bless you and your family this holiday!
I like that idea!! And it sits well with my wife, too. Thank you!!!

sCV
 
Hun you cross yourself and be proud. If they don’t want to cross themselves then that’s up to them, they’re not comfortable. But you have holy pride and cross yourself and mean it.
I’m doing a program right now at university which is non-denominational (including non-christian) but we give thanks before our meals and God is not mentioned in their prayers, but I cross myself because I know that it is to :bowdown2: God whom I owe my thanks! Cross yourself and be proud of it; it’s from the Father, Son and Holy Spirit that the food appears on your table.

Love,
-unworthy
That is something that I hadn’t thought of. That my wife and I SHOULD be proud of our faith and not be timid. THank you, thank you, thank you!!!

This community is such a blessing.

Thank you again. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!

sCV
 
Hello again, and thank you to all who replied with so much wonderful advice. I wanted to let everybody know exactly how the dinner turned out. I was COMPLETELY taken by surprise!!

So, we all took our seats at the table, and proceeded first with our tradition of going around the table and giving everyone the opportunity to share those thing for which they are thankful. I was to be the last to speak. As my turn approached, I was admittedly nervous because immediately following my turn, I would be asked to lead the family in saying grace.

When that moment finally came, my 12-year-old stepson, seated immediately to my left, tugged on my sleeve and asked if HE coud say grace instead! He attends a Catholic school, and apprently they spent the short holiday week learning prayers in his Religion class. Everyone at the table thought it was a great idea.

Without missing a beat, and with a huge smile on his face, he bowed his head, MADE THE SIGN OF THE CROSS and prayed: “In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to recieve, from your bounty, through Christ, our Lord. Amen.”

When he had completed the prayer, my mother and grandmother, were absolutely smitten!! My grandmother, happy to hear the words “through Christ our Lord,” commended him for leading such a beautiful prayer.

I was proud of him, beyond words, and ashamed of myself for worrying about it the way I did. Through my stepson, God reminded me of my duty to be true to my faith.

I hope you all had a beautiful and blessed Thanksgiving.

God bless you all.

sCV
 
I was proud of him, beyond words, and ashamed of myself for worrying about it the way I did. Through my stepson, God reminded me of my duty to be true to my faith.
sCV
😃 Yes, God even saves us from ourselves at times! I know He’s done it for me. Glad your son could follow the prompting of the Spirit and share his faith so beautifully. 👍
 
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