How to raise a Catholic child without Catholic support

  • Thread starter Thread starter CJsmommy
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

CJsmommy

Guest
My LO is almost 2 now. My husband, while supportive of my being Catholic, has no interest in becoming Catholic himself. So I go to Mass by myself as it’s difficult to handle a young child who learns at her own pace while also paying attention. Due to my retail schedule I wouldn’t be able to take my LO to the Mass that has the Children’s Liturgy/child care very much either. My husband has put his foot down that she will attend public school and not Catholic school as well. I have tried to get a hold of the mother’s ministry through e-mail (I’m not good on the phone) but haven’t received an answer. I’m hoping that it’ll be easier to take my LO after she learns to walk by herself, but I don’t know if she’ll behave through a whole Mass. How do I make sure she learns about Catholicism as I promised when she was baptized?
 
I would keep on with the mother’s ministry, as well as look online on Meetup or Facebook or other local social networking sites to get to know other moms of littles. That has been huge for me.

You could also look for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd or Totus Tuus programs near you, many of which start during nursery/preschool years. There are also chapters of scouting groups that tend to attract practicing Catholics. For girls Little Flowers is explicitly Catholic, and American Heritage Girls is another that I know families here are very happy with.

At home, I would start doing regular prayers with her if you don’t already - saying prayers before bed can be a good way to teach some of the basic ones, and asking your LO who she would like to ask blessings for (at 2, my kids regularly mixed in fictional characters with their relatives and friends, but hey, that’s all good!) We also have a children’s Bible (several, actually), some board books on the saints, and other religious books. Look for a nearby Catholic bookstore and it will typically have a children’s section, so you can get a feel for what you like. I tend to love Tomie dePaola and Maite Roche, and my kids do, too.

But whatever you do at home, I would definitely keep trying to make connections at your parish and/or with other Catholic families. While my husband is Catholic and practicing, we’re alone in either of our families, so we really wanted to make sure we were part of a Catholic community. It takes time to build it but we are very happy with what we’ve built, and we are happy to know we are offering our support to others the same way they can offer it for us. 🙂

God bless you!
 
pensmama87 said:
I would keep on with the mother’s ministry, as well as look online on Meetup or Facebook or other local social networking sites to get to know other moms of littles. That has been huge for me.

You could also look for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd or Totus Tuus programs near you, many of which start during nursery/preschool years. There are also chapters of scouting groups that tend to attract practicing Catholics. For girls Little Flowers is explicitly Catholic, and American Heritage Girls is another that I know families here are very happy with.

At home, I would start doing regular prayers with her if you don’t already - saying prayers before bed can be a good way to teach some of the basic ones, and asking your LO who she would like to ask blessings for (at 2, my kids regularly mixed in fictional characters with their relatives and friends, but hey, that’s all good!) We also have a children’s Bible (several, actually), some board books on the saints, and other religious books. Look for a nearby Catholic bookstore and it will typically have a children’s section, so you can get a feel for what you like. I tend to love Tomie dePaola and Maite Roche, and my kids do, too.

But whatever you do at home, I would definitely keep trying to make connections at your parish and/or with other Catholic families. While my husband is Catholic and practicing, we’re alone in either of our families, so we really wanted to make sure we were part of a Catholic community. It takes time to build it but we are very happy with what we’ve built, and we are happy to know we are offering our support to others the same way they can offer it for us. 🙂

God bless you!
Click to expand...
I adore Tomie DePaola as well, but curious how you reconcile his marriage to his husband? He does consider himself Catholic, but like Gregory Maguire, I always wonder how to see that important sense of themselves transforms into their art. I mean, he met his male partner at a Catholic monastery. It feels so pertinent.
 
Spark2 said:
I adore Tomie DePaola as well, but curious how you reconcile his marriage to his husband? He does consider himself Catholic, but like Gregory Maguire, I always wonder how to see that important sense of themselves transforms into their art. I mean, he met his male partner at a Catholic monastery. It feels so pertinent.
Click to expand...
I actually didn’t know that about him. 🤷 I only know his work, and would never have guessed.

All artists are sinners in some form or another, after all, just like the rest of us, and that might inform their work to some degree. But if their work isn’t a celebration of that sin then I don’t see a problem. Your mileage may vary.
 
I am interested in this as well. I am the first catholic in my family, and I have a 3 year old and a (nearly) 1 year old. I became catholic after marrying my husband, who is a great husband and father, but has no interest in becoming catholic at this time.

I also usually attend mass alone, because handling both the children is too much for me. Sometimes I take one or the other. On occasion, my husband will attend with me and we obviously take both children. It is important to me not to try and force coming with me on him, because it just makes him resent me. He hasn’t gone with me since Easter 😦

Anyway. I have a children’s Bible, a book of catholic bible stories (they seem pretty similar to me actually, as the “Bible” is just the story highlights, but anyway) and a book of saints for boys, and a couple of other books. He is really excited to read the saints book because I told him saints were cool, I don’t think he quite gets it yet. I would say they are for a 5-8 year old crowd, not preschoolers, but that is what my local catholic bookstore had.

It will be easier for us, I think, because my husband is fully behind me on our plan to homeschool our children, thus I will be sure they get a good catholic education. If that doesn’t work out, private school is our next option, and I would make sure it was Catholic (DH does not seem to have a preference).

I have not had luck in connecting with other catholic families in my church. There is no nursery or children’s programs for anyone under school age, so I don’t meet parents that way. I don’t really know how to meet other parents.
 
Please remember that as the primary educator of your child in the faith…the catechists of the church are there to support and help you. This is what we do.
Make sure that if he insists that DD go to public school, that he understands that this means she MUST be enrolled in the Parish school of Religious (Faith Formation).
So long as he “gets” that, you’ll be fine.
Children learn by what they see and experience too. Be a good Catholic, and she will be as well.
Best wishes!
 
CJ(name removed by moderator)my said:
My LO is almost 2 now. My husband, while supportive of my being Catholic, has no interest in becoming Catholic himself. So I go to Mass by myself as it’s difficult to handle a young child who learns at her own pace while also paying attention. Due to my retail schedule I wouldn’t be able to take my LO to the Mass that has the Children’s Liturgy/child care very much either. My husband has put his foot down that she will attend public school and not Catholic school as well. I have tried to get a hold of the mother’s ministry through e-mail (I’m not good on the phone) but haven’t received an answer. I’m hoping that it’ll be easier to take my LO after she learns to walk by herself, but I don’t know if she’ll behave through a whole Mass. How do I make sure she learns about Catholicism as I promised when she was baptized?
Click to expand...
My stepdaughter lives half-time with Hubby and me and half-time with her mom, who isn’t always consistent about taking her to church. There is no Catholic education available in our area and she doesn’t go to Sunday school as there isn’t much of that available either. She does receive one period of religious instruction weekly at her school (volunteer teachers are permitted to come in) but that will end this year as she’s in her last year of elementary school and it is not available at the high school. I’ve been teaching her her Catechism myself for the past several years. (Hubby is Catholic, but he converted to the faith as an adult, so he has no experience of catechizing children, whereas I am a cradle Catholic with several siblings and assisted in teaching children’s catechesis in the past.) I use the Faith & Life series for her and have found it very useful. You can also check out the Do Small Things With Love blog and click on the “pattern shop” - the author has several craft projects she’s put together that are designed to facilitate children’s introductions to the faith. (For example, she has “quiet books” for the Rosary and I think she also has a “quiet book” for Mass. These are books that have simple activities for young children to do that are connected to the Rosary and the Mass.)
 
pianistclare said:
Please remember that as the primary educator of your child in the faith…the catechists of the church are there to support and help you. This is what we do.
Make sure that if he insists that DD go to public school, that he understands that this means she MUST be enrolled in the Parish school of Religious (Faith Formation).
So long as he “gets” that, you’ll be fine.
Children learn by what they see and experience too. Be a good Catholic, and she will be as well.
Best wishes!
Click to expand...
The biggest problem with that is timing. I wouldn’t be able to take her to the Mass that has the children’s liturgy on a regular basis. My husband doesn’t drive and it’s too far to take her there by walking.

A lesser problem, but one that might still be an issue is her learning at her own pace, which is a little slower than others her age. She’s not quite walking and talking yet. (Close on the walking though.)
 
CJ(name removed by moderator)my said:
The biggest problem with that is timing. I wouldn’t be able to take her to the Mass that has the children’s liturgy on a regular basis. My husband doesn’t drive and it’s too far to take her there by walking.

A lesser problem, but one that might still be an issue is her learning at her own pace, which is a little slower than others her age. She’s not quite walking and talking yet. (Close on the walking though.)
Click to expand...
Children’s Liturgy is a fairly modern thing - for most of the history of the Church it didn’t exist and it’s certainly not essential for teaching the faith to children. To some people it is even controversial (I’m certainly not against it; my own children attend when it is on).

As for your child being “slower”; I wouldn’t worry about that either. Just keep taking her to mass with you and keep presenting a good witness to the faith by how you live your life.
 
CJ(name removed by moderator)my said:
The biggest problem with that is timing. I wouldn’t be able to take her to the Mass that has the children’s liturgy on a regular basis. My husband doesn’t drive and it’s too far to take her there by walking.

A lesser problem, but one that might still be an issue is her learning at her own pace, which is a little slower than others her age. She’s not quite walking and talking yet. (Close on the walking though.)
Click to expand...
She will learn far more from the faith by seeing you pray, praying with you, being told she is a child of God and that she has a guardian angel.
Children’s liturgy? Not necessary. by a mile. It’s a gimmick that people think helps kids. It doesn’t. Nothing takes the place of formation. She’s too little for formation. Go to any Mass that feeds YOU spiritually. You are mom. You are the teacher. She’s very young. She’s looking to YOU, not to liturgy, not to simple songs, not to story book Bible.
Be a good Catholic mother. give her a rosary. Hang a picture of Our Lady in her room, These things comes about organically, in time, over many years. Once she begins to understand that you guys are CATHOLIC, she will be interested in learning everything. Children are sponges that way. Children’s liturgy is not even recommended anymore. I don’t know of any churches around here that do it.
The Mass is timeless, universal. For everyone. No matter the age. Christ is present there. This, she will come to understand as she grows older. You don’t need to be removed from His presence in order to be told that He’s there. We worship in community. A faith community/family whatever you want to call it consists of people of all ages. It’s important for children to understand that they are part of the larger, loving community.
I think you are worrying needlessly. Make whatever Mass you can. Pray for your child. Be at peace. Ask Our Lady to help you. You’ll do just fine. It’s obvious you care deeply about her soul
I’ll pray for your success.
Clare
 
CJ(name removed by moderator)my said:
The biggest problem with that is timing. I wouldn’t be able to take her to the Mass that has the children’s liturgy on a regular basis. My husband doesn’t drive and it’s too far to take her there by walking.

A lesser problem, but one that might still be an issue is her learning at her own pace, which is a little slower than others her age. She’s not quite walking and talking yet. (Close on the walking though.)
Click to expand...
We don’t have children’s liturgy here, or a cry room either. Children learn about the faith first at home. If you immerse your little one daily with prayer and surround her with things of faith and show her what it means to be Catholic it will be all good.

When our children were baptized, we received a book-titled “Teaching your Catholic preschooler”. it was about praying with your little one, having a Catholic enviornment in the home, and so on. Perhaps you can call your parish and see if they have something similar. Some. Children’s Catholic music in her room at bedtime is a nice way to fall asleep too.

My children loved holding little rosaries while I prayed, bringing flowers to a Mary statue in their room, and things like this at your little ones age. They learned the sign of the cross, and how to make prayer hands when I went up to communion All of our children behaved in a different manner when they were toddlers-some could sit through mass, some we had to step out side. This was based on their God given tempraments

You can also bring a church handbag for her-she can carry it. It would contain a rosary, a picture prayer book, and saint pictures for her to look at during mass.
 
mommy_k said:
We don’t have children’s liturgy here, or a cry room either. Children learn about the faith first at home. If you immerse your little one daily with prayer and surround her with things of faith and show her what it means to be Catholic it will be all good.

When our children were baptized, we received a book-titled “Teaching your Catholic preschooler”. it was about praying with your little one, having a Catholic enviornment in the home, and so on. Perhaps you can call your parish and see if they have something similar. Some. Children’s Catholic music in her room at bedtime is a nice way to fall asleep too.

My children loved holding little rosaries while I prayed, bringing flowers to a Mary statue in their room, and things like this at your little ones age. They learned the sign of the cross, and how to make prayer hands when I went up to communion All of our children behaved in a different manner when they were toddlers-some could sit through mass, some we had to step out side. This was based on their God given tempraments

You can also bring a church handbag for her-she can carry it. It would contain a rosary, a picture prayer book, and saint pictures for her to look at during mass.
Click to expand...
Yup! Great ideas from a fellow mommy, LOL 👍
 
Dacinom said:
Despite your concerns in your original post, I believe that your biggest resource in this situation are not resources from the outside, but will actually come from your husband.

He is not Catholic, but is he a Christian? Does your husband have a faith in God at all? Do all you can to nurture that in a loving way. Tell your husband that you love him and admire him. Tell you husband “Thank you” for being supportive of letting your take your child to Mass, give him a hug and tell him how wonderful that makes you feel! See if you can find Children’s books about God that your husband can read to your daughter, perhaps books about Old Testament stories? Give your husband genuine compliments for being a good and strong father figure, that he is a good spiritual leader, encourage him in that role even if he only does very small things at this time. Try and build on the good qualities that he does have.

The key is always finding what you have in common and trying to build on that. Always let your child see that you love your husband as a man of God, try and encourage prayer where you can, even though he doesn’t attend Mass. Even though you seem somewhat discouraged I still believe your husband is your biggest ally in this situation, working on your relationship with him and helping that be a positive focus will do far more than any book, faith formation program, support group or occasional children’s liturgy. God bless and please be assured of my prayers this must be hard for you.
Click to expand...
He is Christian, but has no affiliation with any church (non-denominational), and has yet to find a church he likes. He believes faith is personal and for our LO to choose when she’s older.

I just went and bought two board books for her off of Amazon, one on the Lord’s Prayer and one on the Hail Mary. She loves being read to, so here it goes. Pray for us!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top