How to remind a lapsed Catholic of their duties as Godparent

[yellow8yellowM]

How should I remind my childrens’ Godparents of their duties? These Godparents are close family members sensitive to being told what to do, so I have to keep that in mind. In general, they are good, decent Catholics, who pray a lot, but do not seem to take seriously

1. The precepts of the Church (like going to confession at least once per year)
2. Receiving Communion only in the state of grace.

I think they were just poorly catechized, but I need to bring this up very delicately because of their sensitivity level. Maybe you think I don’t need to bring it up at all.

I beg that this thread does not digress into “reasons why I should have picked better Godparents” because that will not help me now.

 

[1ke]

If your child’s godparents are not living a good example nor involved in your child’s religious formation, then you simply carry on without them and have your child pick someone different for a confirmation sponsor.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I’m confused about what you’re looking for. You describe these people as “lapsed” in the title of the thread, but “good, decent Catholics” in your first post.

It seems you’ve decided that they don’t go to confession often enough and that they’re receiving communion while not in a state of grace. I’m not sure how you would know these things.

What is it you would like them to do in terms of your children that they are not doing?

 

[coachdennis]

How should I remind my childrens’ Godparents of their duties? These Godparents are close family members sensitive to being told what to do, so I have to keep that in mind. In general, they are ******good, decent Catholics, who pray a lot, but do not seem to take seriously

1. The precepts of the Church (like going to confession at least once per year)
2. Receiving Communion only in the state of grace.

I think they were just poorly catechized, but I need to bring this up very delicately because of their sensitivity level. Maybe you think I don’t need to bring it up at all.

I beg that this thread does not digress into “reasons why I should have picked better Godparents” because that will not help me now.

Good decent Catholics who pray a lot but don’t take it seriously? … Not quite sure what this means!

How can you be certain that they are not doing what you say in the post they are not doing concerning confession and Communion?

What duties are they not doing as godparents?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

How should I remind my childrens’ Godparents of their duties? These Godparents are close family members sensitive to being told what to do, so I have to keep that in mind. In general, they are good, decent Catholics, who pray a lot, but do not seem to take seriously

1. The precepts of the Church (like going to confession at least once per year)
2. Receiving Communion only in the state of grace.

I think they were just poorly catechized, but I need to bring this up very delicately because of their sensitivity level. Maybe you think I don’t need to bring it up at all.

I beg that this thread does not digress into “reasons why I should have picked better Godparents” because that will not help me now.

How old is your child or children?

Are they being a bad influence on their godchild/children, or just no influence at all?

Unless they are being a negative influence, i.e. downplaying confession or advocating using artificial birth control, I would probably let sleeping dogs lie and find other good influences for my child’s spiritual support. Perhaps these people can remain as sort of “ceremonial godparents,” while the actual boots-on-the-ground influence can be given by someone who is on fire for the faith.

 

[yellow8yellowM]

…It seems you’ve decided that they don’t go to confession often enough and that they’re receiving communion while not in a state of grace. I’m not sure how you would know these things.

What is it you would like them to do in terms of your children that they are not doing?

Good decent Catholics who pray a lot but don’t take it seriously? … Not quite sure what this means!

How can you be certain that they are not doing what you say in the post they are not doing concerning confession and Communion?

What duties are they not doing as godparents?

I know because they have admitted to it in conversation, without anybody even having to ask. They volunteered the fact that they haven’t been to confession in many years and that they missed mass and when to receive Communion the next week.

The duty they are not doing it being a good example to my children. I think the bare minimum is to follow the Precepts of the Church. I guess it could be worse, though.

Coachdennis: There are lots of Catholics who pray a lot and who in their own minds are very devout, but disregard one or a few teaching of the Church. What I was trying to get at is that they aren’t at the far end of bad, but just that they disregard a few things.

How old is your child or children?

Are they being a bad influence on their godchild/children, or just no influence at all?

Unless they are being a negative influence, i.e. downplaying confession or advocating using artificial birth control, I would probably let sleeping dogs lie and find other good influences for my child’s spiritual support. Perhaps these people can remain as sort of “ceremonial godparents,” while the actual boots-on-the-ground influence can be given by someone who is on fire for the faith.

What I am really worried about is that when my children get older (they are both under 3), they will overhear these conversations about not following certain required Church teachings, and they might think, “Hey, if my Godparents don’t even do it, maybe I don’t have to either.” I think that as long as I am always around when they might hear these things I could always use it as a learning experience for them, but even better would be a good way to evangelize the Godparents and help them become a good influence.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I don’t think there is anything you can say about their influence on your children who are still years away from First Reconcilliation and communion.

What you can do is speak up when they talk about missing Mass and then receiving communion. You can ask if they were ill, or if they had spoken to their pastor before missing - remember that there are acceptable reasons for missing Mass, including being ill, caring for someone who is ill or a young child, being without transportation, or having to work (required work as opposed to “I decided to finish something on Sunday that I could have done another day.”)

If they have missed for a legitimate reason, they may not have any mortal sins to confess. Yes, regular confession is a good thing to be encouraged - but the church only requires us to confess once a year if we have mortal (serious, grave) sins. Of course, *choosing *to skip Mass and then receiving holy communion without confession IS serious.

Pray for these people, say what you can tactfully and in a way that will not drive them away, and look around for other adults to help influence your children as they grow older.

 

[Margarete_Faust]

Seriously, the children might be better off without the godparents. My godparents are pretty much nonexistent in terms of being active godparents (my godfather forgets he is my godfather all of the time). Both do not attend church regularly, and I think I am better off without my godmother’s influence in my life. My parents simply made a poor choice since both godparents are siblings of theirs and they did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings when making the choice.

What matters and that you can be great parents to your children, and that your children have good influences in the extended family and the community. I would not ask the godparents to fulfill their duties any more than they currently are doing. They should have been aware of that when they were present at the baptism. If not, then any discussion on the matter will just create a lot of tension.

My best friend is a godfather to his little cousin and, while he is an atheist now, is conscious of how he should be a nurturing figure in her life. He does not go to church either. The girl’s father does try to be pretty verbal about this, but my friend does maintain that if he does go to church, it would be more about appearances than being genuine about what he stands for. He does understand that it is not his place to enforce his beliefs on his goddaughter, and he restricts his role to being a family member with a special bond with his cousin. While he is not doing anything for her spiritual development, I do not see him taking anything away from her spiritual development either. If the godparents have this sort of role in the life of your children, then I do not find anything wrong with that either.

 

[Margarete_Faust]

How old is your child or children?

Are they being a bad influence on their godchild/children, or just no influence at all?

Unless they are being a negative influence, i.e. downplaying confession or advocating using artificial birth control, I would probably let sleeping dogs lie and find other good influences for my child’s spiritual support. Perhaps these people can remain as sort of “ceremonial godparents,” while the actual boots-on-the-ground influence can be given by someone who is on fire for the faith.

Agreed.

 

[SuperLuigi]

How should I remind my childrens’ Godparents of their duties? These Godparents are close family members sensitive to being told what to do, so I have to keep that in mind. In general, they are good, decent Catholics, who pray a lot, but do not seem to take seriously

1. The precepts of the Church (like going to confession at least once per year)
2. Receiving Communion only in the state of grace.

I think they were just poorly catechized, but I need to bring this up very delicately because of their sensitivity level. Maybe you think I don’t need to bring it up at all.

I beg that this thread does not digress into “reasons why I should have picked better Godparents” because that will not help me now.

It may help to determine if you have an obligation of some sort here:

newadvent.org/cathen/04394a.htm

If you have a reasonable expectation that you can change them, then I think you need to mention their duties as godparents to them and that it is not acceptable to receive the Eucharist while committing mortal sin, especially if they bring it up.

You may want to ask a priest about this.

 

[coachdennis]

Unfortunately, choosing godparents and sponsors can be a risk. For example, my stepson’s godparents were both active, church going adults in their twenties and a few years later the godfather jined an evangelical church and the godmother divorced her husband and went on to have three more.

And this is not always the godparents’ fault. In many families godparents are often seen as people who come through with the really neat present

You have the ultimate responsibility to raising your chidren and surrounding them with good examples. That does not mean that these people can’t be part of your children’s life at all – and if they are family members it may not be practical or prudent to ban them. However, you can set limits. It would also be helpfu lto speak with other parents in your parish who may have encountered this issue, and also your parish priest

 

[TheRealJuliane]

What I am really worried about is that when my children get older (they are both under 3), they will overhear these conversations about not following certain required Church teachings, and they might think, “Hey, if my Godparents don’t even do it, maybe I don’t have to either.” I think that as long as I am always around when they might hear these things I could always use it as a learning experience for them, but even better would be a good way to evangelize the Godparents and help them become a good influence.

Yes, that would be better. Carry on with what you’re doing, and just keep a sharp eye out for any destructive statements from these godparents. Draw in as many strong Catholics as you can, to help counter the influence. You can never have too much Catholic support in raising children to love our faith!

 

[llenadegracia]

Yes, that would be better. Carry on with what you’re doing, and just keep a sharp eye out for any destructive statements from these godparents. Draw in as many strong Catholics as you can, to help counter the influence. You can never have too much Catholic support in raising children to love our faith!

I agree.

Honestly, I don’t even know who my godparents are.

I know I have two and are related to me, but I never thought godparents actually played a role in the upbringing of a child…it makes complete sense though. I only know of one friend, an only child with no cousins, who keeps in strong touch with his godmother. None of my other friends maintain a special bond with theirs. But what a beautifull role as described by some of the posters before me! I hope to someday do the same for my kids and maybe be a godmother myself.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I know because they have admitted to it in conversation, without anybody even having to ask. They volunteered the fact that they haven’t been to confession in many years and that they missed mass and when to receive Communion the next week.

It’s difficult, but this may be the opportunity for you to say something. If someone said to me “I haven’t been to confession in five years…” I would say something about my own experience with the sacrament, about how peaceful or how loved I feel afterward. Maybe just plant a seed.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I agree.

Honestly, I don’t even know who my godparents are.

I know I have two and are related to me, but I never thought godparents actually played a role in the upbringing of a child…it makes complete sense though. I only know of one friend, an only child with no cousins, who keeps in strong touch with his godmother. None of my other friends maintain a special bond with theirs. But what a beautifull role as described by some of the posters before me! I hope to someday do the same for my kids and maybe be a godmother myself.

I think the role is supposed to be somewhat of a built-in spiritual director. Or at least spiritual guidance and support, if not true direction. Someone to go to Mass with, someone who knows your baptism date and maybe takes you out for lunch on that day, someone to remind you to stay chaste, etc.