How to respond to a demeaning boss?

[bclustr9]

I have a boss who likes to give long-winded lectures and embarrass me in front of others. I feel like no matter how professional I am, no matter how I try, it’s never good enough. He also casually offered me life advice and this is a man that barely knows anything about me. I just am not sure he can tolerate me opening up one on one w him in a kind and respectful way and pointing out how all of this makes me feel. I could be wrong, I dunno.

I guess I’m just looking for some advice from my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. What should I do? Tired of keeping silent and feeling demeaned.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I don’t think your boss cares how he is “making you feel”.

You basically have a boss who is either toxic, wrong for your personality type, or both.

The boss’ actions likely stem from his own insecurities and inability to lead people, not from anything you’re doing. He has likely been promoted to a level above his capability. I’m sure he treats others in the same way and also that others have noticed how he acts, so it’s unlikely this is just you.

I would suggest that you be as calm and non-committal as possible. When he lectures you, just keep your cool and let it roll off. When he gives you life advice, just say, “Thanks, I’ll certainly keep that in mind” and then forget whatever he said. All the while, you should be looking quietly for a new job/ new boss.

 

[bclustr9]

Ty. I just wish I could be less emotional about this. I try to be neutral and cool about it. It’s just so hard.

 

[Dan_Defender]

Sometimes we have people around us that we have to suffer. Think of it this way: many saints had to suffer worse. Offer your suffering to God. At the same time, search for internal and external opportunities to break free from this situation.

 

[JimG]

I had a boss like that once. While I liked the job, every day going in to work it seemed like there was a new humiliation or put down. I started quietly looking for another job, and after some months found one. I put in my 2 week’s notice and moved along with my wife to take another job 200 miles away. It worked out much better.

 

[Bon_Croix]

If it is severe enough, and was done in front of other employees, I would take the concern to the other employees and let them know that you’ve had enough and are going to talk to someone above your boss about the incident. Then talk to someone higher. The lower boss should be reprimanded. If it is causing you anxiety and/or depression about going to or being at work then see a doctor about it before taking action. That way you will have route to worker’s comp/unemployment/and or a lawsuit if the upper boss sides with the lower boss (which is possible).

If it isn’t severe, but it has happened enough times, and your mercy has run out, then do the same as above.

The key here is verbal abuse. Verbality is abuse if it is excessive. Look up a good definition of verbal abuse and use those key words/sentences when speaking with the upper boss. It should help get his/her attention/focus on your issue.

BTW… I’m not an attorney, doctor, or licensed counselor.

 

[Brendan_64]

Unfortunately I think this guy may not be likely to be concerned about how he makes you feel and opening up to him could make things worse. I would be very cautious before doing this.

I don’t know anything about your boss, so I will generalise here in saying that unfortunately some personality types can view a person opening up about how they are being hurt as a sign of weakness and some may even seek to exploit this perceived weakness. Whether your boss is like that or not, I cannot say.

I am not making a judgement anout your boss or your situation, however a very good book that gives insight into certain personality traits is “Bully in Sight” by Tim Field. It helped me in the past.