How to respond to sister and brother in law

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Okay, my sister and brother in law are here visiting for Christmas/New Years.
On Christmas Day we drove to the beach (a 2 hour drive) and right away they started interrogating me about my faith. Saying things like “so you’re okay supporting something that treats women unequally and supports the sex scandals?” and other stuff. Keep in mind, I’m 20 and they’re 29 and 26. My bro in law is studying to be a professor of Economics, and my sister is a teacher. It felt very manipulative, their way of talking to me. And honestly, I wanted to cry the whole time. They just kept, and I don’t want to use this word, but attacking me and saying that I was “sacrificing my values of the human race for something I’m not sure is real” and that I was contradicting myself and said that “God is a a**hole and hates women” (again, their words not mine. I feel horrible just typing it).

I love them so much, but I felt very hurt after that conversation. They said I was “open minded” but I don’t care. They still are making comments and talking behind my parents back (both are devout Catholics) and are just being very rude. And when they make the comments, they laugh and look at me and I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to cry, another to yell and tell them to get out, and the third just wants to sit there and pretend like I didn’t hear.
How do I respond to this? I want to visit them and love them through Christ, but I feel offended, and defensive of my parents as well.

I’m really just unsure of how I feel, maybe just shocked. But I guess Jesus came to divide the family, and this is a perfect instance of that.

Any advice or saints to pray to or theological points I need to remember?

(Also I’m the only child of 4 that still practices any religion, so this is a usual occurrence with my other brothers too - again, anything helps to talk to my siblings)
 
I’d talk to my sister and tell her how hurt I am that she is disrespecting me and my choices. They aren’t the same choices she would make, and that’s OK. But she and her husband need to respect your choice and stop with the verbal attacks.

If they can’t do that, then I’d stop interacting with them until they can. “The door is always open, when you can respect my choices I’ll be happy to see you again.”
 
Usually, we take our faith for granted if it never gets challenged. Use it as an opportunity to educate yourself and be able to counter their talking-points.

So— “you’re okay supporting something that treats women unequally.” You might say something like, “I don’t mind admitting that women do some things better than men, and men do some things better than women. Men and women are complementary. Women make terrible bridegrooms-- and ordained priests are supposed to represent Christ. But both men and women are both expected to be part of the priesthood of the faithful.”

Or-- “you’re okay supporting something that supports the sex scandals.” And you might say something like, “Jesus said that it would be better for someone to be thrown into the sea with a millstone around their neck than to cause a little one to err. I’m not a follower of the Church’s bureaucratic Middle Management. But I do my best to follow Jesus, and he happened to have left a Church behind. I say a prayer for the guys who are damaging it from within— they’re going to have a lot to answer for someday-- but ultimately, I’m responsible for my corner of the world, and I do my best to take care of what’s in front of me.”

So, there are two different ways you can answer someone. You can pick a point, respond to it, and finish your response open-ended, inviting further dialogue, or you can pick a point, respond to it, and finish it close-ended, discouraging dialogue. With people who are hostile, and aren’t interested in other perspectives, it’s probably best to finish in a close-ended kind of way.

Catholicism is a worldview, not just what we do on Sunday. Paul said it pretty well from the beginning—
But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
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Sometimes you need to let people know that a topic is not open for discussion. Period. Is they continue, then leave the room or, if you can’t leave, stop responding.

I’m more than happy to discuss my faith with someone who wants a discussion or has questions. Someone who wants to attack…forget it.
 
1ke said:
But she and her husband need to respect your choice and stop with the verbal attacks.

If they can’t do that, then I’d stop interacting with them until they can. “The door is always open, when you can respect my choices I’ll be happy to see you again.”
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This. You don’t have to accept being treated like that, and you certainly don’t have to let them be disrespectful to your parents.
 
These types of talks can sorta end quick if you call the other out on what they’re up to like this:

“I love you guys dearly. I hate that we disagree on things? But that’s reality and it’s sometimes accepting the different in each other that proves where real love and respect lie deep. So I’m glad you guys say you’re open-minded? And I’m glad I am too? So in the most open-minded way possible let’s just accept we believe different things for different reasons and move on to the important stuff.”

If it doesn’t work? Then obviously they’re not as open-minded as you are. And pretty clearly not open-hearted either.

Peace.
 
You need to determine if they really want answers - are they open to trying to understand your faith. Sounds to me like they are just baiting you to make themselves feel superior - rude and immature behavior on their part.
 
Just FYI, there are a larger percentage of sexual predators in public schools than there ever were in the church.

Your sister and brother in law need to respect your faith and that of your parents. Sounds like they are pretty immature, but also taking advantage of your relative youth. As others have said. you can just say you don’t want to discuss the issue if they can’t be respectful.
People who are that opposed to Christianity are in a better place than those who don’t care. They may make a total reversal one day, once they realize what is real. Clearly, God doesn’t hate women – Jesus treated women with respect unequalled in his day and culture.
Suggest that they read the Gospels, instead of whatever biased propaganda they currently read.
 
OP, you are an abuse victim. You need professional counseling.
 
I think that it is important for people to respect each other. Part of this mutual respect is that when we have family members, friends and associates who don’t accept our values and religious perspectives that we respect that and try to avoid saying and doing things that we know are offensive to the other person. I would suggest that is a good way to live when we live in situations where we have people who have different ideas and philosophies that they believe. The best response is to say that is what I believe and if you think differently then we will just have to agree to disagree on certain things.
Another aspect that I think is equally important is that you should live the holiness that God is calling you to live. This holiness of life will do more than any astute remarks that you could make in any debate.
 
If you ask me, their behavior is incredibly disrespectful and I would tell them to shut it or you’ll tell their mother on them.
 
I take it that you live with your parents, and your sister and her husband spend the holiday with all of you. Since it’s your parents home, you’re limited in what you can do.

Personally, I would avoid spending any time alone with them…they seem to only get you upset. And, getting your parents involved would just make everything a big mess…and, your parents may blame you if they get angry and start coming over less often. The next time they ask you to go anywhere with them, ask whether your parents are included, and if they say ‘no’ you just say ‘no, thanks’. It doesn’t sound as if these arguments are an opportunity to witness to them, as you do tend to become upset, and it seems to make them get more aggressive!

Just speak with them at home, and places they go with the rest of the family. They seem to already be trying to keep your parents out of these disagreements, which is a good idea. I know this is hard to accept about your own sister, but, if this is the way she chooses to treat you, you have the right and the responsibility to take care of yourself.

Oh, and try and enjoy the rest of this holiday time with your parents, other relatives, and friends. You are doing the right thing. God Bless!
 
I’m sorry your sister and brother in law attacked you in this way.

I would Pray to the Holy Spirit for direction on how to answer–

I also would have asked them why are they attacking me and asked them to stop.
 
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