How to ruin your Marriage with NFP

  • Thread starter Thread starter Petersmate
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

Petersmate

Guest
The following posts come from the National Catholic Register.
  1. Men, make you wife feel either “useful” or “useless,” depending on her current fertility. For instance, if you agree to postpone a pregnancy, launch a relentless campaign to make her have sex anyway, or satisfy you in illicit ways. You don’t have to use physical force; there are plenty of other ways to exert pressure.
    You can be nasty or sullen toward the whole family when you’re abstaining.
    You can always make her be the one who says “stop,” as if she’s the owner of sex, and you’re the beggar – this should make you both resentful.
    In the name of chastity, you can shun her when she’s fertile, so that, by the time you get the green light, she will be so hurt by your attitude that your sex life will be abysmal. You can turn to porn and masturbation, to make her feel like sex with her is your preference, but that there are many close seconds.
    And when you do have sex, make sure she gives you what you’ve got coming. You deserve it, for waiting this long.
CAUTION: If consider her pleasure as important as yours when you do have sex, you might have to ask awkward questions about what works and what doesn’t, and this will lead to better sex for both of you. If you let her know that you desire her madly, but care for her so tenderly that you are willing to wait – if you clearly enjoy being with her even when she has clothes on --she will swoon. DO NOT DO THIS.
 
  1. When she is pregnant, make sure she knows it’s her problem, not yours. Ditto for all aspects of childcare. This tactic is versatile: if you’re more practical than she is, you can shame her for falling for irrelevant, outdated pieties; or if you’re holier than she is, you can shame her for not being more open to life. Either way, it’s all her fault. This is probably what St. Joseph did.
CAUTION: If you spend time changing diapers, washing dishes, and playing with the kids, and listening closely when she explains what her days are really like – if you really care about what worries her, and how you can relieve her workload – she will think of you as a real man, and may even experience less anxiety about conceiving in the future. DO NOT DO THIS.
 
  1. Women, remember that sex is important to men because men are pigs. They actually receive love primarily through physical means, if you can imagine such a thing. They are so foul and immature that they actually feel lonely and wounded when they don’t receive physical affection.
    Make them feel guilty every time they touch you.
    Be cold and scrupulous.
    When abstaining, act like an Amish schoolgirl, as if married chastity is the same as unmarried chastity.
    When you do have sex, chose that day to scrub the wallpaper or clean out the attic, so you will be exhausted by the time your husband comes home.
    Remember that holy women don’t enjoy carnal things, so make no effort to become skillful in bed.
    Also, holy men only care about spiritual things, so make no effort to be physically attractive.
    Do not learn his tastes; do not communicate your tastes. Remember that the whole thing is just nasty, and basically a joke on women.
    Make no attempt to remedy this attitude.
CAUTION: If, through trial and error, perserverence and communication, and lots of trips to confession, you do work out how to be physical enough to communicate love, but not so physical that you’re making things worse, your affection will deepen, and your sex life will probably improve. Abstinence will become more manageable, or at least more interesting. DO NOT DO THIS.
 
  1. Register your dissatisfaction with NFP by charting sloppily. If you resent charting and do it poorly, your confidence will be shot, your guilt/resentment quotients will increase, and the next time you are faced with a serious need to avoid pregnancy, you will likely have a nervous breakdown. Your husband will be too terrified to touch you. Voila! No pregnancy.
CAUTION: Charting conscientiously shows your husband that you’re very interested in finding as many available days as possible, because you desire him and his happiness. DO NOT DO THIS.
 
Men and women:
  1. Constantly compare yourself to other families you see at Mass, even though you’re seeing them at their best and comparing it to your secret, interior worst. Also, when a stranger makes a comment on Facebook, take that very seriously; but disregard everything you know about your actual family, your temperament, your husband’s temperament, your history, your financial situation, your children’s needs, your emotional state, and your relationship with God.
CAUTION: Making prayerful decisions about your individual, unique marriage can lead to maturity, increases in self-control and self-knowledge in all areas, healthy confidence, compassion toward other people, and a greater understanding of how free will operates in cooperation with God’s will. DO NOT DO THIS.
  1. Constantly surround yourself with secular influences, lest you hear first-hand the Church’s teachings about human sexuality. Saturate yourself with the idea that sex is a right, and that NFP is the culprit that deprives you of your rights. Bitterly grumble that if NFP is so “natural,” it ought to be easy and pleasant, like natural bread or natural sunlight or naturally woven fibers in your favorite pants. Never stop and think that truly “natural” things are things which make you consider their true nature. Never dwell on the true nature of sex.
CAUTION: Remember, Christ told us to take up our cross, and promised that suffering leads to salvation if we embrace it willingly. DO NOT DO THIS.
 
  1. Do not talk about it with your spouse. Assume that, as in all things, men and women see life in exactly the same way. There is no possible way you are misunderstanding each other’s motives, attitudes, or behavior.
CAUTION: Talking about it may help you to understand your spouse better in general, not just in the bedroom, and may lead to enlightenment and compassion. DO NOT DO THIS.
  1. Do not laugh about it. Sex is holy, and holy things are never funny. Ever. Even when you’re naked.
CAUTION: Laughter leads to closeness, and helps us to take ourselves less seriously. DO NOT DO THIS.
  1. Above all, never pray about it. God does not want to hear about yucky, embarrassing stuff like that. Ideally, you should suffer all the unpleasant consequences of original sin without enjoying any of the benefits of the Incarnation. Remind yourself frequently that the main thing that God does is to say “NO,” and that you unerringly anticipate everything that God has in store for your life.
CAUTION: Remember, sex is a powerful thing which can, in any marriage, become cramped, dark, and full of pain. If you pray about sex to God, who invented sex, He may shed light on it for you. He may transform your sexual relationship with your spouse into a source of joy which transforms your life, whether you’re abstaining or not. DO NOT DO THIS.
Well, there you have it. Using these simple guidelines, you can do a bad job of avoiding pregnancy and do horrible damage to your relationship.

The best part? You can just blame NFP.

Read more: ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/how-to-ruin-your-marriage-with-nfp#ixzz1zyVCE3Gh
 
At first I thought the whole thing was serious, but I like the serious points after each sarcastic message.
 
TrueLight said:
:rotfl:

Should we aim to be skillful in bed?
Click to expand...
By definition, when we are practicing the marital act there is an moral obligation of means for each member of couple to try to be the best one possible. The fact of refusing, the fact of not wanting to try to be better, the fact of doing voluntary the minimum, the fact of not wanting to learn, to teach and to progress, is not in link with the charity that has to be existing between wife and husband.

A moral obligation of means, not an obligation of results, of course.

" We should aim to be skillful in bed ", it is a nice slogan, isn’t it!!!
 
keep this as a reference every time someone complains on this forum about problems with NFP. The Catholic Answers lie here.
 
I’ve been there, done that and I’ve got some practical advice that might help.

Most couples who struggle with NFP have one of several easily solvable problems:

1. Poor understanding of the method/wrong method. Trying another method may help with your problems. We had a terrible experience with Creighton, which was the complete wrong method for multiple reasons. (The Drs. Billings were very critical of the Creighton Model to prevent pregnancy and said that Dr. Hilgers has a “non-understanding of the Billings Method”, while John Kippley has been very critical of FertilityCare’s secrecy. We agree with their criticism.) It didn’t fit her and we didn’t have a good relationship with our instructor in a method that is highly instructor dependent. On the other hand, reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and the Billings Method website www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org gave us the information we needed to figure things out on our own.

2. Actual health problems that need to be addressed. Cycle irregularities often have underlying causes and you may need to see a doctor to get them fixed. Creighton has many flaws, but THIS is where it shines, and this is where I believe Dr. Hilgers true calling is. A FertilityCare specialist may be able to fix things and make NFP easier.

3. Real marital issues or mental health problems. If this is an issue, get help. You will not be able to use NFP successfully until you get these issues resolved.

4. Poor understanding of Church doctrine. Do you know what the Church REALLY teaches about sex? How about sin and grace? Are you committing multiple subjective sins (wrong purpose) to avoid relatively minor objective sins (wrong act)? Still struggling with whether the reasons are “grave”, “serious”, or “just”? You may have a misunderstanding about what the faith requires. Some NFP advocates have been mistakenly teaching clear doctrinal error for years. Many CAF posters repeat these same errors and worse.

The works of John Paul II/Karol Wojtyla are great, although they are dense and are translated from Polish. Start with the Catechism that is online at the Vatican’s website. YouCat is a new catechism for young people that is supposed to be easier to read and understand and is recommended by Pope Benedict XVI.

If you are not using NFP out of love for your own body (wives) or love for your wife (husbands), you are doing it the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. The Catholic Church believes that there is no conflict between properly understood faith and sound reasoning. If anyone’s advice, including that of a priest, makes no sense, there is a good chance that it is wrong, or at the very least you should seek another opinion.

5. Bad attitude about using NFP. Nobody likes abstinence. We all get that. But there are benefits. You do get “all natural lovemaking” for most of the cycle. It has no unpleasant side effects. And even the abstinence forces you to find other ways to love each other. But if you focus on what you can’t have or what you think others are having (they aren’t BTW), you are going to be miserable. That’s true for everything, not just NFP.

I hope this post has been helpful and I wish you the best.
 
By the time I marry, my eventual wife will have waited long enough to have sex. I’m not willing to make her wait any longer, I’m becoming infertile.
 
NightHawk2005 said:
By the time I marry, my eventual wife will have waited long enough to have sex. I’m not willing to make her wait any longer, I’m becoming infertile.
Click to expand...
We know bro. You love to post it in every thread. And now you’re getting reported for it.
 
I found the list rather depressing. NFP is not easy and actually creates many problems for people who are just trying to be holy. NFP is a relatively new popular sexual lifestyle in our world and it is coming along in a time when 2 kids is too many for some in our society. ABC is easy because it requires no discipline. Many people struggle with NFP and I dont think painting it with the “you are doing it wrong” brush is helpful.
It isnt a panacea that some like to think and we should be truthful about that. But it is worth it.
 
Moore11 said:
I found the list rather depressing. NFP is not easy and actually creates many problems for people who are just trying to be holy. NFP is a relatively new popular sexual lifestyle in our world and it is coming along in a time when 2 kids is too many for some in our society. ABC is easy because it requires no discipline. Many people struggle with NFP and I dont think painting it with the “you are doing it wrong” brush is helpful.
It isnt a panacea that some like to think and we should be truthful about that. But it is worth it.
Click to expand...
With Creighton, there were months where we would have to abstain for as many as 20 days out of a 26 day cycle. :mad:

With Symptothermal + Billings we no longer have that problem. NFP is easy and the abstinence is manageable.

Looking back, we chose the wrong method (rhythm would have been better–seriously) and had a poor instructor. This is doubly hard when you are doing something countercultural, you have no one to talk to about it, and you think your friends have every day available because of contraception. (They do, but they don’t use them.)

People should not judge others who struggle with NFP because they may have good reasons to struggle and they may be struggling through no fault of their own.
 
I’m sorry, but I find the article very self-righteous and judgmental, especially with all that unnecessary sarcasm. I’m sure the writer’s noble intentions are there, or maybe she was just trying to find a new and creative way to write about NFP, but it’s very hard to see it through all the negativity.

Many sincere, well-meaning Catholic couples struggle with NFP, my wife and I included. In this regard, lending strength and support is crucial to our struggling brothers and sisters. With this article, however, all I feel when I read it is that I’m struggling with NFP because I’m a lazy, sex-addicted pig of a man who doesn’t care about my wife, my kids or Church teaching. All I feel when I read it is my wife and I struggle with NFP because we are selfish, unloving people who lack the desire or ability to communicate with each other; that our marriage has more spite than love; and that we are better off outside the Church where everyone is holy and sinless and all other couples enjoy practicing NFP like a warm chocolate brownie topped with vanilla ice cream.

Is that really the right message we want to convey here?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top