S
sparrowmouse
Guest
I’m 28 years old, baptised Catholic and received Catholic education for 10 of my 12 years of schooling, after which I completely rejected religion (my experience with Catholic education was a particularly bad one - I now lay the blame on the particular school, not the faith). From my late teens onwards, I was ‘monogamously promiscuous’ - having a string of relationships that consisted of ill-judged premarital sex with men, each of whom I thought was ‘the one’.
One of those relationships was with my now long-term partner. Our relationship burned out, we were young, and didn’t know what we wanted. After years of being separated, we found each other again (through what I now believe to be fate in the very real sense of the word). After 5 years together, we’ve overcome the struggles that we encountered on our first ‘go’. At the time, he was very religious, but mainly due to an intimidating church upbringing rather than true faith - that has waned a little over the years. He believes in God, but no longer considers himself Christian. I, however, have transitioned from being almost militantly atheist to being more spiritual than I ever was, finding myself drawn closer to God every day.
Even though I deeply regret my past, my SO knows about it, and accepts and loves me regardless. I was his first and only relationship, and he’s always been faithful to me. I feel like I’ve done him a disservice by being with other people before we really fell in love.
We used to have an active sex life, until about a year ago when we both went on psychiatric medication that has made it difficult for either of us to be at all interested in the act whatsoever. We currently live together, in my parents’ home, while we both study full-time. While we sleep in the same bed, we haven’t been intimate at all for about a year.
I’ve come to see our low libidos as a blessing - he is taking the medication for anxiety and depression (one major reason why we’re not yet married) - while we’re both getting better emotionally, the process is also helping us save physical intimacy for marriage. I’ve only mentioned this to him once, and while he was reluctant to commit to ‘giving up sex’, he agreed that we don’t need it to maintain our love - in fact, we feel closer than ever, bonding on emotional and spiritual grounds more strongly to compensate for the lack of physical intimacy. We still cuddle, occasionally kiss, and spend a lot of time holding hands, and we’re practically inseparable.
I would like to hold off on any more physical intimacy until we’re married, and while I have sinned in this way in the past, I would like us both to go into our marriage as spiritually pure as possible, even if it is only symbolic. I want to raise my children in a Christian home, preferably a Catholic one, and I feel that starting the ‘next step’ of our relationship on the right foot will be a good beginning to that.
I haven’t been to church regularly since I was 10, in primary school, when it was mandatory. Since, I have only occasionally been to holiday masses. I’ve wanted to attend church regularly for a while, but my SO is reluctant (a little scared, maybe?) and so I’ve held off, however I pray the rosary every night, and he has said it inspires him, so I feel that he’ll be open at some point to coming with me. I feel like now is as good a time as any to begin - especially since I feel closer to the faith than ever before.
My question is a silly one: how do I go about seeking forgiveness? I haven’t been to confession in nearly 20 years, where our teachers would line us up neatly and we’d recount our week’s worth of yelling at parents, being mean to our best friends, etc - silly 10 year old stuff.
How do I do it now, at 28?
Is there a protocol? Do people line up (like we did in primary school? haha) or is it typically a more relaxed system? What do I tell the priest - how much, or how little? How long should I take? (I can talk a lot).
Sorry this is such a long post
, and I hope it makes some sort of sense.
Thanks everyone, and god bless.
Anna.
One of those relationships was with my now long-term partner. Our relationship burned out, we were young, and didn’t know what we wanted. After years of being separated, we found each other again (through what I now believe to be fate in the very real sense of the word). After 5 years together, we’ve overcome the struggles that we encountered on our first ‘go’. At the time, he was very religious, but mainly due to an intimidating church upbringing rather than true faith - that has waned a little over the years. He believes in God, but no longer considers himself Christian. I, however, have transitioned from being almost militantly atheist to being more spiritual than I ever was, finding myself drawn closer to God every day.
Even though I deeply regret my past, my SO knows about it, and accepts and loves me regardless. I was his first and only relationship, and he’s always been faithful to me. I feel like I’ve done him a disservice by being with other people before we really fell in love.
We used to have an active sex life, until about a year ago when we both went on psychiatric medication that has made it difficult for either of us to be at all interested in the act whatsoever. We currently live together, in my parents’ home, while we both study full-time. While we sleep in the same bed, we haven’t been intimate at all for about a year.
I’ve come to see our low libidos as a blessing - he is taking the medication for anxiety and depression (one major reason why we’re not yet married) - while we’re both getting better emotionally, the process is also helping us save physical intimacy for marriage. I’ve only mentioned this to him once, and while he was reluctant to commit to ‘giving up sex’, he agreed that we don’t need it to maintain our love - in fact, we feel closer than ever, bonding on emotional and spiritual grounds more strongly to compensate for the lack of physical intimacy. We still cuddle, occasionally kiss, and spend a lot of time holding hands, and we’re practically inseparable.
I would like to hold off on any more physical intimacy until we’re married, and while I have sinned in this way in the past, I would like us both to go into our marriage as spiritually pure as possible, even if it is only symbolic. I want to raise my children in a Christian home, preferably a Catholic one, and I feel that starting the ‘next step’ of our relationship on the right foot will be a good beginning to that.
I haven’t been to church regularly since I was 10, in primary school, when it was mandatory. Since, I have only occasionally been to holiday masses. I’ve wanted to attend church regularly for a while, but my SO is reluctant (a little scared, maybe?) and so I’ve held off, however I pray the rosary every night, and he has said it inspires him, so I feel that he’ll be open at some point to coming with me. I feel like now is as good a time as any to begin - especially since I feel closer to the faith than ever before.
My question is a silly one: how do I go about seeking forgiveness? I haven’t been to confession in nearly 20 years, where our teachers would line us up neatly and we’d recount our week’s worth of yelling at parents, being mean to our best friends, etc - silly 10 year old stuff.
How do I do it now, at 28?
Is there a protocol? Do people line up (like we did in primary school? haha) or is it typically a more relaxed system? What do I tell the priest - how much, or how little? How long should I take? (I can talk a lot).
Sorry this is such a long post
, and I hope it makes some sort of sense.Thanks everyone, and god bless.
Anna.
