How to stop wanting sex?

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Rosary96

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I’m a college girl who believes in God but hasn’t been to church in a while. The Catholic religion is horribly unfair to women. I’ve never felt this way before and I used to debate my friends whenever they said Christianity was sexist because I never believed it was. I always defended that the church saw both genders as equals but as I found out, that’s clearly untrue. I recently found out that married couples aren’t allowed to use birth control and that a permanent intention against children equals no marriage.

This really broke me because I dreamed of getting married for most of my life. I am nowhere near close enough to be married, I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and never even held hands with a guy. Boys have been interested in me but I’ve always turned them down because I was saving myself for someone special. What’s the point of saving myself for marriage when I can’t even have sex whenever I want without risking a pregnancy? Part of me wishes I tried hookup culture like all my friends do. It’s not what I want but I hate the fact that I saved myself for something that’s NOT worth it. Catholic marriage is a scam if you’re female

The idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother makes me physically sick. I burst into tears randomly every day because I feel like God doesnt love me. If God loved me he would never ask me to pay the price of having kids in order to deserve a husband. Men never have to ruin their bodies and go though hours of labor pain in return for five minutes of pleasure. Church rules about childbearing makes me feel objectified and worthless. I thought I was more to God than a womb.

I loathe babies and children. This makes me a horrible person and I know I don’t deserve true love with a partner so I’ve made the decision to stay single for life. I will not participate in a marriage that is invalid nor have a child in order to follow the rules. Any child I have will be neglected and it would be selfish of me to bring a child into the world for the sole purpose of making my marriage valid.

Now that my rant is over, my question is how do I stop myself from wanting sex? Never before in my life have I had sexual feelings or thoughts but after I turned 20 I’ve been getting these really strong urges. I had no idea girls could feel this way. It’s so hard for me to resist and it’s painful for me to remember that I will never have my urges satisfied. I feel terrible about myself whenever I’m horny because I know it’s wrong. The last thing on earth I want to do is to get married so that I can have sex, since the demands of the Catholic Church will destroy me.

If anyone here is celibate, please tell me if the desire for sex passes. Please tell me how to control it. Please tell me that if I keep ignoring it it will go away. I can’t be horny forever right? What age should I expect this to stop? I don’t want to spend my life burning with desire because that’s sinful and extremely hurtful to me. In my core I want desperately to be loved and to have something special with a man but I don’t deserve it and the price the church demands of me is too high.
 
There is far more to your post than anything sexual. If you are bursting into tears every day at the thought of children or God loving you or a husband you should seek medical and phsycological help and you will not get that here.

But there are a few things that are concerning that have nothing to do with sex at all.
  1. Your view of the Church and women is so far off that it can only come from somthing unholy.
The Church is a champion of women. There is no other religion in the world that champions women or holds them in such high esteem. Think of all the women saints that the Church has given us as examples and leaders. Imagine for one moment those saints in heaven who have sacrificed for thier Church and gender reading what you have written. Then take into account that God chose a woman to bring his Son into the world. He could have just created Jesus but he Chose the most perfect human that ever existed and that was a woman. The most powerful person who is not God in the Church is Mary. She isfar more powerful and esteemed than a priest or a Pope. She is the protector and leader of the entire Church! No other religion crowns a Woman with such esteem and reverence.

2/ To “loathe” or to hate innocent childdren and babies is something that is incredibly concerning. That, beyond any sexual sin is more damaging to your soul and salvation. To hate the innocent and powerless and to hate that which God has created is really just a hatred of one’s self.

I hope you get the help you need and I encourage you to pray to the Blessed Virgin. Someone who has incredible experience with chastity and sexual issues.
 
I appreciate you trying to help me but I wish God never bothered creating women. Why create us if we were only meant to suffer and be nothing but a man’s helper? Why make us at all when men have been the superior gender for centuries? Why give us periods (which are debilitating for me) and the curse of pregnancy? I wish I never existed.
 
I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want people to know I’m a horrible person hence why I said all this on an anonymous forum.
 
You are not a horrible person. You are a person who has needs and fears, like every one of us. We are designed to reach out for help.
 
Rosary96 said:
I’m a college girl who believes in God but hasn’t been to church in a while.
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step 1: focus on a building a prayer life
step 2: go to confession for whatever sins you may have, including missing mass
step 3: start going to mass every Sunday and holy day of obligation
Rosary96 said:
The Catholic religion is horribly unfair to women.
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Say what now? As a woman, I find that offensive, and not founded in facts.
Rosary96 said:
I recently found out that married couples aren’t allowed to use birth control
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Recently? You are in college, but just learned that contraception is a sin against the sixth commandment?

BTW, it is contraception that is against Church teaching, not “birth control”

And that applies equally to men and women.
Rosary96 said:
a permanent intention against children equals no marriage.
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Because that’s the purpose of marriage. The word matrimony literally means “the making of a mother”.
Rosary96 said:
What’s the point of saving myself for marriage when I can’t even have sex whenever I want without risking a pregnancy?
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Couples are welcome to use natural family planning to space children as needed.
Rosary96 said:
Catholic marriage is a scam if you’re female
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I really think you need some counseling, because you have some really disturbing views of both sex and its place in marriage, and the Church. I’m not sure where you’ve gotten all this, but you need to talk to someone IRL.
Rosary96 said:
The idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother makes me physically sick
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Serious level of counseling needed.
Rosary96 said:
Now that my rant is over, my question is how do I stop myself from wanting sex? Never before in my life have I had sexual feelings or thoughts but after I turned 20 I’ve been getting these really strong urges.
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You go to a therapist to deal with whatever is underlying your issues with children.
 
Rosary96 said:
I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want people to know I’m a horrible person hence why I said all this on an anonymous forum.
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You aren’t a horrible person. You are a person dealing with something very overwhelming and debilitating.

You need professional help. Please talk to a therapist.

And talk to your doctor about your menstrual pain.
 
I have no clue what you could be feeling inside as I have never fought the fight you’re fighting. But I can offer you a reminder. One that God is a perfect and loving God, the deepest relationship one can ever have is with God, and it the most desirable relationship. You are not a horrible person, on the contrary you are a masterpiece. Every time you look in the mirror reassure yourself of that. Also remember, even our savior Jesus went to Hell, but not because the demons were in control, because it was part of a destiny so great it is completely unfathomable to humans! As surely as the sun rises you will prevail!

Also, you could make a prayer intention thread so people will pray for you.
 
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You are not going to ever stop desiring sex. The urges are just extremely strong right now because of your age. My guess is that they will lessen years later but I’m only 35 so I don’t know at what age they lessen.

You need therapy or something. If it’s not possible now you should work on making it possible. That is the only advice you should take from these forums on the topic. God bless.
 
It seems to me that you have a corrupt idea about what sex is. Read the Song of Solomon. It talks about a man and a woman who enjoy having sex with each other. Sex can be much more than bestial humping and grunting. It can be a symbol of a deep affection and love. It’s in our nature to desire love and to be touched. Sex is a symbol of that.

My dear sister, don’t feel bad for having sexual desires-- it is perfectly natural to have them, but they have to be put into the right context. I myself have chosen to become a eunuch. Jesus said that there are persons who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. In other words, God has given me self-control, to the point where I don’t need to have sex or get married to feel fulfilled. Ask the Lord if that’s what He wants you to do. Celibacy is not for everyone, but if He leads you to it, He will bless you for it.
 
This sounds a lot like a topic started by another member a year ago.
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Want to get married, but don't want children Family Life
I am a 24 year old woman, and I definitely want to get married, but do not want kids. I hate the idea of pregnancy, childbirth, everything about it makes me shudder. I do not want to put my body through that. I know so many women who enjoy being pregnant and go on and on about how beautiful pregnancy is, but I just don’t see it or want it. I also hate the idea of raising children. The thought of it is not appealing at all to me, I’ve never had “maternal instincts,” and I just don’t find the…
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Read some of the responses on this thread. It may provide some insight.
 
Sure it is! At least in western cultures where you marry someone because you want to show the world how much you love that special someone.
 
candyboot said:
Sure it is! At least in western cultures where you marry someone because you want to show the world how much you love that special someone.
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That might very well be why some people marry. and it sure feeds the gazillion dollar wedding industry.

But It’s not the PURPOSE of marriage.

The truth and meaning of our sexuality is distorted by the secular world. Don’t look there for answers to life’s questions.
 
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