How to take up your cross when you can't put it down?

[Grace_and_Glory]

I know that Jesus told us to take up our crosses and follow Him. Lately, the crosses in my life have seemed particularly heavy. They are things I cannot avoid, and I could not put them down if I wanted to. I’ve prayed, and it seems that God does not want to take them away, at least right now. I am trying to rejoice that Christ has given me even a small share in His sufferings and to be grateful, but it is difficult. I’m trying to offer up my sufferings, but I feel like I am not handling this the way I should because there is a large part of me that just wants it to stop.
I’m also quite confused right now. My crosses are, for the most part, things I cannot put down. How, then, do I know if I am taking up my cross and following Him or if I am just enduring these things because I must?

 

[CARose]

Grace,

I am so sorry for the difficulties you are currently experiencing. It can be extremely difficult to live in our Fallen world, but for the Grace of God. If you can consider your current condition an opportunity to offer up your suffering for the souls of those who need your prayers, you will be taking advantage of a very special opportunity. I will pray that this opportunity will be ended soon so that you can catch your breath, so to speak.

You may want to look at the example Pope JP II has given us in his perseverance in suffering.

You haven’t stated the nature of your difficulties, so it makes it a little difficult to give you a more specific answer, but know that regardless, you are in my prayers.

I hope and pray that the Lord will enlighten you as to the good which comes through the challenges you bear and that your personal growth will be such that you persevere and flourish under His most gracious Love.

May the Lord bless and protect you,

CARose

 

[Grace_and_Glory]

Okay, CARose suggested that I might get more responses if I were more specific about what’s going on. It’s hard for me to be specific because I am not used to sharing things like this about myself in person or online, but I will try. Recently, I have felt very lonely. I feel like no one really cares about me, and then I feel guilty for being so concerned about other people’s feelings about me. I feel sad most of the time, and I don’t know if there has ever been a time when I felt basically happy. I do have happy days and happy moments, but they seem to be few and far between. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that my father was emotionally abusive. It’s left me with a desire for love and acceptance from a man that I know no man can ever satisfy. In high school, I had a teacher who I could talk to, and that helped, but now that I’m at college, there is no father figure in my life. I know quite a few priests, but none of them very closely, and it’s hard to just go up and talk to them, especially because another effect of the abuse is that I am very afraid of men. I’ve tried to overcome this, and I haven’t given up, but I have come to accept that this will affect me for at least the next few years, and probably the rest of my life.
This sense of loneliness, sadness, and fear is my cross. I have been carrying for a long time, but it has been especially difficult these past few months. I don’t see it going away soon. I have prayed about it, and I feel like God does not want to take the pain away right now. My question is, this pain is not something I could get away from even if I wanted to. I am enduring it, trying to offer it up, and trying to be grateful for the opportunity to have a small share in Christ’s sufferings, but I feel like I constantly want to escape it. How do I know if I am carrying my cross or just enduring this? I hope that my explanation makes my situation more clear.

 

[springbreeze]

Dear friend

This cross you will have to carry for all of your life and the remedy for this cross though you will always carry it, is love and forgiveness in Christ Jesus, when harm and hurt is absorbed in His love it is like a drop of rain in an ocean.

I’m not speaking out of ignorance, I am speaking out of suffering myself though not the same kind of suffering.

Endurance is the same as carrying your cross, God does not allow to happen to you anything that you cannot endure, over-used phrase I know but such a very true phrase.

Dear friend I would ask you to consider seeking out a support group specific to abuse and here you will not feel alone, you will be with a group of people who have and are still coming to terms with the abuse they have endured and are still enduring in their memory. I would also ask you to go and tell the Priest everything that has happened to you, they will not be too busy to see you nor will they pass you by on this, you are in need of Christ Jesus’ healing and you need to approach Him in the Priest. You may ask for the Sacrament of the Sick , not because you are ill, but because your spirit is haunted by your past and you desire to seek Christ’s healing, you may also like to go to a healing Mass if there are any near to you.

Forgiveness is a huge road to begin to tread towards healing, but forgiveness does bring about healing for anyone who has been so severely sinned against as you have. You dear friend were sinned against so abhorrently as your father is someone entrusted by God to look after you, forgiveness will be a long road but you must try and forgive such a hurt and sin, it brings such graces to do so. Ask the Lord to grant you graces to help you forgive.

Don’t forget dear friend the guilt your father must struggle with inside himself, he may not show it, he may show it, but either way he knows his own soul and he has to live with himself knowing what he did to you and his pain and internal struggle with guilt must be immense also. Pray that God may be merciful to him.

Go dear friend and sit with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and tell Him how hurt and grieved your heart is at what has ahppened to you and there put your head upon His chest and cry, cry and let your hurt flood out of you, release it to Him and ask Him to heal you of this awful wound you have to endure. Christ Jesus’ Cross wounded Him and He knows your pains, ask Him to heal you by His ressurection and offer Him every past hurt in your life for the Glory of His name.

I always think those that suffer much God loves much and suffering is a blessing much more than any glory and good fortune God gives to a human on earth, in suffering we are given the same path God allowed His Son, Christ Jesus to tread and that in itself is far too much a blessing to conceive of.

You will be rewarded in heaven dear friend for suffering well and all your tears here will be wiped away by the hand of God…love is everything and anything that is against love will be negated by love

Please remember also that our Blessed Saviour Christ Jesus fell (though He cannot sin but of course we do) numerous times under the weight of His Cross to remind us that the cross is hard to bear in our lives and we may fall in may ways such as in hatred and bitterness towards those who sin against us, but that ultimately God will help us to bear the pain of the cross and be faithful to Him and as He forgives us of our sins so we must forgive others of their sins against us.

I will remember you and your father in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament always until I die and if God grants me heaven I will also there keep you and your father in my prayers.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[Augustine]

Grace,

Just adding to what others have said, perhaps you might benefit from having a regular confessor or, even better, a spiritual director. Get in touch with a either a Newman center in your college or give your diocese office a call and ask about spiritual direction.

 

[Fergal]

There was a woman once who struggled daily with the Cross she carried. One day it got all too much for her and she cried out to Jesus to take the Cross from her.

He appeared to her and said “My child to be my disciple you must carry you Cross after me, however I have heard your cry. Pity has moved my heart. I will take this Cross from your shoulders and show unto you all the crosses of the world. From these you may pick the one you will carry after me if you wish to be my disciple.”

“I wish to be your disciple”, replied the woman. “Lord, show me the all Crosses of the world.”

In a moment displayed to her were all the Crosses of the world. All different colours, conditions and sizes.

The woman studied them all carefully and after a while and of course, being human, the woman picked the smallest cross on display. Turning to Jesus she found him looking at her lovingly:

“My little work of art, He said, this Cross you have chosen you will carry for life, but know this. The Cross you have chosen is indeed the very one you were already carrying when you called out to me.”