How to talk to someone who's ashamed of their faith?

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Gordon_Sims

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How do you get a friend or family member who’s ashamed or embarrassed of the fact that they’re a devout Catholic to open up to you about it? My best friend is Catholic but his wife isn’t. He’s a cradle Catholic who, like me, fell away from the Church during his high school and college years, questioned God’s existence and struggled with his faith but then apparently came back to the Church at some point in the last several years. I say “apparently” because I can really only go by what his wife tells me. If I mention anything to him that even touches on faith or religion, he clams up or makes fun of me for it.

My wife and I are both very close with him and his wife, and I’m actually more likely to have a long, extended conversation with her than him when I call (they live out of state). It was during a conversation with her about a year and a half ago that she started talking about “you Catholics” and how devout her husband is. She said that over the years he’s often objected to things based on them being against his faith and that he goes to Mass every Sunday, even when he’s out of town. You could have knocked me over with a feather because the last time I saw anything remotely like this from his was back in 4th or 5th grade.

When the two of us get together or when we do have the opportunity to spend a good deal of time together on the phone, I really value the longer conversations he & I have. As long as it’s something we have in common, we can go on for hours. I don’t have too many people with whom I can discuss faith matters, and I’d love to be able to talk to him about these things. Unfortunately, this is one thing he won’t open up about even though I’ve tried a few different ways over the last few months. The Conclave could bring about another opportunity, but if anyone has any other suggestions, I’m open to them.

For the record, I’ve already considered that he could be pulling the wool over his wife’s eyes and is using Mass as an excuse to get out of the house on Sundays. I don’t think this is the case because of a couple things he’s let slip (saying he’s run into similar situations when I complain about something that’s happened at Mass and mentioning that he’s planning on going to a couple of the Holy Week masses this year).
 
Some people are Catholic but only because they were brought up this way and they don’t feel comfortable to talk about this at all.

I think you will need to honor your friend and let him be, pray for him of course. On the other hand, have you consider to do a little bit of volunteer at your church, you will find more people with the same interest as you.

Funny, the only person that i can talk about my faith is one of my friend (She is Muslin), lol… We are like sister and respect each other faith. Nobody in my family or coworkers or other friend that i can talk about my faith, but if i feel strongly pull to share something, i will do so. Of course, i can talk with my husband and my child but nobody else beside my priest.

Anyway, maybe your friend isn’t keen to this and you shouldn’t pressure him.

All the best!
 
You can talk about your faith, your experiences, your interest in church stuff. In that way he will have the opportunity to discuss things if he feels comfortable. He may not open up and may continue to refuse to talk about it, but don’t take it against him. It could be that he is embarassed about being a revert, who knows. Just pray for him and bring up the topic if it comes naturally into conversation.
 
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