How to tell Protestant family I can no longer join them for Christmas communion?

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Long story short, my family has a tradition of going to church on Christmas Eve and taking communion together. Protestant family. I’ve always gone.

I do have the option of going to Mass while they would be doing this. But I think saying “Oh, I can’t, I have Mass” is somehow wrong because it implies I don’t have a choice, and I do. There are three other Masses I could go to besides that one.

I haven’t had to defend myself yet because it’s not widely known in my family that I’m converting. They’re going to ask the Big W: “Why?!” …Why can’t I just do it anyway, why does it have to mean that, why do Catholics believe that. I don’t have the proper words at hand and I really, really need them. How do I say this gently without starting a heated theological argument on Christmas Eve? I so do not want to make anyone defensive during the holiday gathering, and certain members of my family are almost guaranteed to react defensively to any implication that I think what I’m doing is right, because the obvious conclusion is that I think their symbolic interpretation of communion is not right. I can address it ahead of time but I’m almost positive they’ll bring it up later that evening anyway.
 
The question of your conversion will come up sooner or later so I’d be prepared and have the answer ready. I’ve been in situations when family members would demand explanations (not in a nice way) about my conversion and it is easy to get involved in a debate or even an argument. Could you simply refuse to have a discussion and ask them to leave it for some other time?
 
I’m glad you’re taking this seriously! I’ve seen some people posting, “I can take their communion anyway because it’s just symbolic, right? To avoid offending people?” You are correct that you can go as long as you don’t take their communion and do meet your Mass obligation.

You might think about, for now, focusing on the unity aspect rather than the Real Presence aspect. I.e. - “the Catholic Church teaches that receiving communion in a church is a sign that you totally accept everything that the church teaches and are a part of that church, and since I am becoming Catholic, I can’t say that about your church anymore. I still think you all are Christians! But out of respect for my Church’s teachings I will not be able to receive communion with you. I’ll still happily be there with you and spend Christmas with you in addition to going to a Mass. I’d be glad to talk more about my conversion another time, let’s just enjoy Christmas for now.”

Not knowing your family I have no idea if this would work with them, but it’s what I would probably do if it was my family in your situation.

By the way, I am converting like you and my whole family is Protestant. I’ll probably go to a Christmas Eve service with them but there probably won’t be communion and my family already knows anyway. And then I’ll go to Midnight Mass!
 
when i converted years ago and my family found out they quit asking me to come. They will never like it and you got rough waters ahead and you are correct in assuming you are not versed enough. they have years of defense in the Protestant faith and you are just now learning of the one true faith. Sometimes its best to keep quiet for a while until you can defend your stance and not be made a fool of.(not saying your family would do that). Do not lie about it either, but protect the peace while you can.
 
Maybe you can duck out and go to the bathroom during communion.
 
Just tell them that you are working through some aspects of your faith in prayer and and that it would be inappropriate for you to receive with them at this time.
 
SyroMalankara said:
Just tell them that you are working through some aspects of your faith in prayer and and that it would be inappropriate for you to receive with them at this time.
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Exactly!!

If this group is a pass the plate of crackers and juice congregation, sit so you are not on the front row or the first to recieve the plate. Simply take the plate, pass it on and bow your head to pray.
 
Thanks for the responses. What makes this difficult is the nature of the celebration. It’s a private family affair. Families sign up for slots in a schedule for Christmas Eve, and it’s only that family in the church having communion during that slot. (Edited to add–For better or for worse, this is so that families can have family time but still celebrate Christ’s birth. There hasn’t been an actual Christmas Eve or Day service for as long as I can remember.) So my whole family is up at the front of the church standing in a semicircle around the altar. Thus I feel my refusal in the middle of that would border on disruptive, or even being there in that circle and letting it pass me by. I feel it would be so conspicuous. I don’t want to wait til then to spring it on them and there’s no other reason to be there save communion. No service, no pastor, just the family taking communion in a solemn atmosphere and then leaving.

That Mass is the best one for our split family schedules anyway, all things considered. They go to communion while I go to Mass, sounds fair enough to me. I just won’t present it as that being my only actual option. (My parish doesn’t have a midnight Mass, sadly, but still, there are other options.)

I just don’t even know whom to tell first. I’m so anxious about this! It’s such a big deal to them. Always was to me, even. This is the thing I’ve been dreading since I started this path and now it’s here.

I’m thinking I may leave it at “I’m only supposed to have communion in a Catholic church” and hope nobody asks too many questions after that… at least not til later when there’s not such a potentially volatile atmosphere and there aren’t so many family members in one house at the same time.
 
if youre going that far then yes just the plain truth will be good then, the church law forbids me to take part will prob be the best thing to say
 
There is a chance they think the Catholic Church is some kind of mind control cult. By using “I’m not allowed to” you underline those prejudices.

Simply tell them “we do not believe the same thing about communion, and it would be a lie for me to partake when I do not believe as you do. I will spend that time in prayer that we may all be one in belief someday”. That is EXACTLY what I told my sweet mother the first Christmas when I did not partake with them.

Make sure that you tell them this is YOUR belief, it is your decision. You are not being forced by the big mean Catholic Church to be the party pooper.
 
milkbar said:
Long story short, my family has a tradition of going to church on Christmas Eve and taking communion together. Protestant family. I’ve always gone.

I do have the option of going to Mass while they would be doing this. But I think saying “Oh, I can’t, I have Mass” is somehow wrong because it implies I don’t have a choice, and I do. There are three other Masses I could go to besides that one.

I haven’t had to defend myself yet because it’s not widely known in my family that I’m converting. They’re going to ask the Big W: “Why?!” …Why can’t I just do it anyway, why does it have to mean that, why do Catholics believe that. I don’t have the proper words at hand and I really, really need them. How do I say this gently without starting a heated theological argument on Christmas Eve? I so do not want to make anyone defensive during the holiday gathering, and certain members of my family are almost guaranteed to react defensively to any implication that I think what I’m doing is right, because the obvious conclusion is that I think their symbolic interpretation of communion is not right. I can address it ahead of time but I’m almost positive they’ll bring it up later that evening anyway.
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Hi, what if you said that your beliefs about Communion are different, so you don’t feel comfortable? However I don’t know your family and how they’re react… I hope it goes well… God bless you 🙂
 
milkbar said:
Thanks for the responses. What makes this difficult is the nature of the celebration. It’s a private family affair. Families sign up for slots in a schedule for Christmas Eve, and it’s only that family in the church having communion during that slot. (Edited to add–For better or for worse, this is so that families can have family time but still celebrate Christ’s birth. There hasn’t been an actual Christmas Eve or Day service for as long as I can remember.) So my whole family is up at the front of the church standing in a semicircle around the altar. Thus I feel my refusal in the middle of that would border on disruptive, or even being there in that circle and letting it pass me by. I feel it would be so conspicuous. I don’t want to wait til then to spring it on them and there’s no other reason to be there save communion. No service, no pastor, just the family taking communion in a solemn atmosphere and then leaving.

That Mass is the best one for our split family schedules anyway, all things considered. They go to communion while I go to Mass, sounds fair enough to me. I just won’t present it as that being my only actual option. (My parish doesn’t have a midnight Mass, sadly, but still, there are other options.)

I just don’t even know whom to tell first. I’m so anxious about this! It’s such a big deal to them. Always was to me, even. This is the thing I’ve been dreading since I started this path and now it’s here.

I’m thinking I may leave it at “I’m only supposed to have communion in a Catholic church” and hope nobody asks too many questions after that… at least not til later when there’s not such a potentially volatile atmosphere and there aren’t so many family members in one house at the same time.
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wow…that sounds like a pretty difficult situation 😦 I was really afraid too telling my family about my conversion. (and even more afraid to tell my Protestant friends.) If they start debating you, maybe it’s best not to say anything, besides that you now believe the Catholic faith and can only receive Catholic Communion, and your beliefs on Communion are different. Let us know how it goes :hug1:
God bless
 
I think prior to being up on the altar, you should have (preferably that day or the day before) given your family the opportunity to hear about the Catholic Eucharist. Tell them that the CC and YOU believe that it is Jesus’ body and blook truly present, not just a symbol. Then tell them because you believe it, you do not want to recieve it symbolically anymore. I think explaining it like this sounds more complicated, but prevents them from asking MORE questions.
If you just say Im not allowed to recieve it. They will be like Why? What? Thats strange… etc.

Then ask your family if they would still like you to attend, as you want to be there with them and pray. If they say no, then you can go to Mass.

Welcome home!
 
Bbigam said:
By the way, I am converting like you and my whole family is Protestant. I’ll probably go to a Christmas Eve service with them but there probably won’t be communion and my family already knows anyway. And then I’ll go to Midnight Mass!
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ME TOO! I am excited to go to midnight Mass this week. My parents don’t go to church on holidays though:shrug:. I hope to start RCIA next year (I’d love to start January).
 
Bbigam said:
By the way, I am converting like you and my whole family is Protestant. I’ll probably go to a Christmas Eve service with them but there probably won’t be communion and my family already knows anyway. And then I’ll go to Midnight Mass!
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I am planning to do the same: go with my family to the Anglican children’s mass, fully anticipating going to Midnight Mass at my parish.
 
milkbar said:
Long story short, my family has a tradition of going to church on Christmas Eve and taking communion together. Protestant family. I’ve always gone.

I do have the option of going to Mass while they would be doing this. But I think saying “Oh, I can’t, I have Mass” is somehow wrong because it implies I don’t have a choice, and I do. There are three other Masses I could go to besides that one.

I haven’t had to defend myself yet because it’s not widely known in my family that I’m converting. They’re going to ask the Big W: “Why?!” …Why can’t I just do it anyway, why does it have to mean that, why do Catholics believe that. I don’t have the proper words at hand and I really, really need them. How do I say this gently without starting a heated theological argument on Christmas Eve? I so do not want to make anyone defensive during the holiday gathering, and certain members of my family are almost guaranteed to react defensively to any implication that I think what I’m doing is right, because the obvious conclusion is that I think their symbolic interpretation of communion is not right. I can address it ahead of time but I’m almost positive they’ll bring it up later that evening anyway.
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Friend,

Do you recall the story of Martha [the hostess] and her sister Mary [the deciple] and what Jesus told Martha when she asked Jesus to ORDER Mary to assist her rather than take religious instruction from HIM?

Jesus, kindly looked at Martha, and said “Mary has chosen the better portion.” Luke 10: 38-42

Truth ought to replace tradition when one has been sufficiently Blessed to have not only exposed to it, but given sufficient GRACE to accept it.

I humbly suggest that you “fess-up” and explain that you have discovered THEE TRUTH… Jesus REALLY IS PRESENT,in Catholic Holy Communion, NOT a sign, NOT a symbol, BUT REALLY Jesus:) just as the Bible tells us [yes even the KJB] in Mt. 26:26-28, Mk.14: 22:24, Lk. 22:19-24, Jn.6: 40:69 and Paul 1 Cor. 11:23-29. [This many Bible authors CAN"T BE WRONG:D]

Love and prayers,

Pat…
Welcome HOME!
 
I forgot to update here. We ended up not going at all, but more due to scheduling. The one relative I was most worried about in this context wasn’t even present due to winter weather. So it was fairly anticlimactic. By Christmas 2010 it will be common knowledge that I’m Catholic because my children will be baptized as soon as possible after Easter and I intend to invite the whole family and educate them in said invitation. That might rock the boat, but better then than in the middle of a family gathering on Christmas.

Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I hope my wish to approach this issue delicately was understandable… if you’ve never been in the middle of a conservative Protestant family, it might not have made sense to you, but try and imagine. 😉
 
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