How well do you know your priest?

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Adamek

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I am a cradle Catholic who is not in the habit of socializing with priests. Not that I have anything against it. Things just didn’t work out that way for me. I also hear that some Catholics do socialize with priests. Inviting them to dinner and such. What is your experience? Do you know your priest well? Do you go out for lunch? Have him over for a Sunday brunch? Just wondering.
 
I’ve never felt like having to invite my parish priest over to dinner just because they are my parish priest. That’s always seemed to me like it would be something that some priests may not enjoy. But if after getting to know a priest and you get along with them then that could be something to consider. So, in that respect I would treat a priest in a similar way to other people. I hear that they are just like people. 😀
 
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I’ve known Many priests. I know some enough to consider them dear friends and others well enough to know that they disappoint me.
 
We’ve had our parish priest over for dinner once a few years ago. It was good to get to talk for him for more than a minute or two in passing. But it’s not something we made a regular thing. We do have a new associate pastor who we want to have over once things calm down from SIP and having a new baby.

Also, one of my brothers in law is a priest and we still spend time with him as much as our schedules allow.
 
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I don’t know my priests very well.
I know a couple of priests a little bit from repeated interactions with them over years and from going on pilgrimage trips with them, where you spend all day in the company of the priest along with the larger group for about 1 to 2 weeks.

There are people at parishes who know the priests for a variety of reasons, usually because they are involved in some parish job, ministry, or group like K of C where they have a lot of interaction with the priest on a regular basis. Some of them also know the priests because they have some personal situation where they had to turn to the priest frequently for help, or because they make a habit of trying to be buddies with priests - there are always a handful of people at every parish who hover around the priests.

I’m not the type who hovers around priests and I don’t have a parish job, ministry, or group position where I’d be seeing the priests a lot, so I don’t socialize with priests. I’m lucky if they even know my name since I’m just another faceless single individual person at a parish, as opposed to the large families who are involved in all sorts of parish stuff.
 
We do know our Parish Priest as well as several other priests with which we have had lunch or dinner with. Sometimes we have done it to socialize and sometimes as a act of appreciation. We have shared meals in our home and also at restaurants. Most priests in our diocese live alone and appreciate having someone to eat with, and it’s one less meal they have to prepare.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
That’s always seemed to me like it would be something that some priests may not enjoy.
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Priests have personalities, likes and dislikes same as all of us.

I’ve worked for more priests than I can count right now. Some of them would love to be asked to dinner at a parishioners home every single day, some are introverts, and the entire spectrum.

My advice, call the secretary at Church and ask him/her if Father enjoys dinner/lunch invitations. Priests also enjoy activities from fishing to water skiing, from Opera to Country Music concerts, from Golf to board games.
 
I’ve found that the best way to get to know your priest is to be one of the people he can count on to show up when the work needs to be done. Most of the people I know who socialize with their pastors are solidly in that group.

I was lucky growing up because our pastor came to our house for dinner every 3 weeks or so; it was a standing invitation. I also had several priests as teachers in high school, which is becoming more and more rare. By far, most of the priests I go out with now are retired priests who used to be my pastor or a teacher; I just miss seeing them. Is there anyone who does not like to know he is still appreciated and fondly remembered for the work he did years ago? Retired priests, though many are still busy, also tend to have a bit more time. They get to choose what they want to busy themselves with, and how busy they want to be. They’re also far less likely to be overwhelmed with all the things people want from them and less likely to need time alone to re-charge.

Of course, with this virus going around, it isn’t too likely that our older priests are going to be going out a lot. If you can think of a retired priest that you’d like to go out with or invite to your home for a meal, now would be a good time to send him a card or a letter. When it is safe for people over 70 to go out to restaurants again, he won’t be astonished to hear from you!
 
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I have gotten to know our current pastor pretty well. I am on staff at a large parish and he is the first priest that I have ever worked with that is closer to my age than my parent’s age. We live in the heart of NASCAR country. He is a local guy that was never into NASCAR until he came to our parish a few years ago. We have many NASCAR families in our parish and a couple have brought him to races for the full NASCAR experience. I enjoy NASCAR because I have friends in the industry and get special access. Father and I talk about racing all the time. We also work together professionally very well.
 
Our pastor celebrates 25 years this Wednesday! My wife and I celebrate 25 in two weeks!!
 
I’ve had tea and coffee with a couple priests, but that was because they were helping me work through stuff in both cases (so very much being ‘dads’ in their official role, not friends).

I reckon when I get older I may have friendships with certain priests, but I think like any friendship with any person, it’s all about a personality fit. Plus, I’m a lady, so unless I get married or become a religious (or consecrated single, etc), I would expect a priest to feel uncomfortable with a one on one friendship with me, not least because of what that could look like to other people.

So for now, nope, I haven’t really ‘socialized’ with a priest except in a crowd of people. If I get married though I definitely think I’d LIKE to make a habit of inviting a priest over for occasional meals, if he wants to. Mainly because I think it seems important for a priest to know he’s cared for by his community, and it’s not just a constant one way relationship with no peer fellowship for him.
 
My wife and I have many priests who are friends and who come for dinner or who we would visit. But that’s partially because I was a Dominican novice for a year and lived with a number of priests. I wouldn’t really know our Parish priest that well as we tend to go to the Dominican church near us for mass etc. I think it’s good for a Catholic family to normalise the priesthood though. If kids see that being a priest is normal and a possible choice of career, I think vocations will certainly increase.

Also as the poster above said, it’s important to create friendships with priests and let them know they are cared for. Also, I have found that my priest friends will often vent to me because I have some experience of that life and they can’t vent to any parishioner because it could be seen in a bad light.
 
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I don’t socialize with our priest, but in spite of that, I think that I know him pretty well, just from our discussions during the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We’re both ex-military, so we have that in common. I’d love to take him out to lunch occasionally, but he is SO busy, and there are always little “surprises” in his schedule.

D
 
That is the case in our parish, the priests are very busy. I did invite a priest for dinner when he first was assigned and we had a lovely visit. I work on a few committees at our parish and I almost always stop for a few words on the way out of mass. They know my name which is a step up from other parishes we have belonged to. So, cordial but not necessarily friends.
 
I work at our parish and know our priests pretty well. We have a small office and all the staff have worked together for awhile so we’re pretty close. We may be loosing one of our priests in July as his was just a 1 year assignment and he’s been here 2 years. Hopefully the priest who replaces him gets along as well.
 
I wonder how the priests feel about socializing with their parishoners. If there are priests who are reading these comments, maybe they could chime in?
 
There is little activity in response to this topic, so I thought I’d wrap up.

First - few people wanted to read or respond to the question. Most of the folks who did respond said that they have few contacts, if any, with their clergy. I found this surprising, since i I had always assumed that the priest and the parishoners maintained close contacts with each other. What I am finding out is that this isn’t the case at all. (with few exceptions)

I don’t really know what to make of this, except that communications don’t seem to be there. Is it that the priests have no need of support from the parish (other than money), or are the parishoners not interested in what their clergy do?
 
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