How will I find the right man for me

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Hannahbh

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I am a 20 year old female. I have some tattoos on my arms, and I have gauged ears. I’ll never take them out because I’ve had them since I was 12. And they are too big that if I were to my ears wouldn’t be the same anyway and I enjoy the way they look on me. I’m not your typical catholic girl I suppose and I guess there really is no typical catholic girl. I’m not a Virgin and I’ve been through a lot in my life. My father was abusive, and that kind of thrusted me into the world of drugs and dating many “men”. But recently I’ve really tried to change around, I went to confession and I’ve been to a healing mass. I want to continue to try to grow closer to God. With these new changes I even broke up with the guy I had been dating. I kept going for men who do drugs, abusive kind of like my father. I’m afraid I’ll never meet a good practicing Catholic man. Maybe because of the way I look and the fact that I’m not a Virgin. I’ve come and gone from trying to stay on a good path. But I’m really strong this time around. Idk… how will I ever meet someone who accepts me for who I am, for what I’ve been through, my scars? Someone who looks past that and sees that I’m trying to be a better person. Because I want to be a good catholic woman, I want to follow god and allow him to make changes in my life. Idk what do you think? All of this is obviously kind of deeper. But I’m just sharing the surface. Any response would be appreciated.
 
Hannahbh said:
Because I want to be a good catholic woman, I want to follow god and allow him to make changes in my life.
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That’s how you find the right man. Be faithful, seek holiness, seek healing from the wounds of your past, and don’t worry about what people might think.

-Fr ACEGC
 
If marriage is your vocation, your future husband is out there. Pray for him and trust in God’s timing. I’m so sorry you have been through so much but my momma heart is proud of you for being serious about your faith.

Your look isn’t the sum total of who you are. Maybe the gages and all will be attractive to your future spouse or maybe not. My husband has some tattoos that sort of look like fart clouds to me. If I had made a list of what I was looking for, non-catholic with fart-looking tattoos wouldn’t have been it, but he was the one! And the waters of baptism might not have washed off the tats, but they made a Catholic of him.

20 is young. Do not despair. Pray for your man. Some here will disagree, but be cautiously open to non-Catholics.
 
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I recently (4 years ago) remarried after loosing my wife. We weremarried shortly after high school so all my dating experience was over four decades past. I joined Catholic Match and set up a search profile for women who were Catholic and able to marry in the Church. In my decription I listed all my faults. I did not want someone contacting me thinking I was anything other than what I am. At the end I wrote, “I am not looking for a date or a hookup. I am looking for a wife.”

My current wife said that is what drew her to respond to me because she was looking for a husband. By the way, before I met her face to face for the first time I had to meet her adult son and pass muster with him. They did that as a safety thing. There are all sorts of wierdos out there.

God Bless and goodluck,

Patrick
AMDG
 
You have a long life ahead of you, with, I’m sure, many adventures, happiness, and some obstacles to overcome with the help of God, prayer, and friends. Maybe you should not date for a while. Just work on building friendships and healing.
 
Many many women (and men) went through a sinful life before converting fully.

Confess your sins and offer your chastity to God. Pray for intercession of Saints such as Joseph, Mary Magdalene and Mary of Egypt for graces to remain chaste.

Also, seek spiritual advice in order to know whether you should marry or follow monasticism.

May God bless you.
 
Pray, pray, pray.

Eucharistic Adoration.

Daily Mass.

Daily Rosary.
 
Catholics can have tattoos and gauged ears. We can have blue faux hawks (as I do) and listen to the Ramones. The Church is made up of people from every walk of life.
 
You deserve a husband who recognizes the miracle of transformation you have experienced and the power of confession. A Catholic man who rejects you because of your past is, in my opinion, not such a “good” Catholic man to begin with…
 
I think people here are giving you good advice. Know that God loves you and wants the best for you!!
 
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A good Catholic man won’t hold your sins against you.

Keep seeking to be the best you can be, try not to worry, trust God, and don’t let anyone abuse you.

Have high standards, no matter how many people tell you that your standards are TOO high.

Have self respect, no matter how often you feel inferior.

As a child of abuse who struggled for 35 years before meeting the fellow I was to marry, it’s a HARD road if you choose better but if you hold on and refuse to settle, you’ll find the right one.

Peace.
 
somecanadian said:
Have high standards, no matter how many people tell you that your standards are TOO high.
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This!!!
Trust in God that everything will work out as it is supposed to. Keep working on your own self-growth and the rest will likely fall into place.
 
Well, just the fact that you want to be a good Catholic woman is a start.

I have tattoos all over, started getting them when I was 17. I also at one time had 20 something piercings, including my ears stretched out like dumbo. I was also into sex, drugs, and really terrible rock and roll lol. I also have scars on the inside from physical and emotional abuse. I’m 37 now and my tattoos still show but I don’t feel like that’s what people see anymore. I’m married to a wonderful Catholic woman, I haven’t touched drugs in so long it feels like that wasn’t even me, and I feel God’s mercy, love, comfort, kindness, and see his beauty everywhere. Yes, there are still times those scars start to itch, times when I feel like nothing, but this life on earth isn’t meant to be paradise, that’s the next life, in heaven, God willing. Anyhow, I wish you the best, you have my prayers, God bless.

Lord Jesus Christ, most merciful Saviour of the world, we humbly beseech You, by Your most Sacred Heart, that all the sheep who stray out of Your fold may one day be converted to You, the Shepherd and Bishop of their souls, who lives and reigns with God the Father in the unity of the Holy Spirit, world without end.
Amen.
 
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Short answer,

Yes…let go and let God…

Allow time to work for you…things will change…be patient and stay close to Christ…
 
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Don’t be discouraged. You will find someone who appreciates, values, and bonds to you because of your past and your conversion, not in spite of it. This person is worth waiting for. Don’t settle. I recommend attending some AA meetings at a church nearby.
 
As long as you aren’t doing drugs you’re good. Maybe try to hang out in more catholic circles and you’ll meet more catholic guys

Also, sup? I’m a single catholic guy
 
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Being a male, I will offer the practical advice. From reading posts here on CAF, there are probably more single adult males that are not virgins than virgins, so find someone with a similar background (repentant non-virgin). I know there are some that post here on CAF. That would be the ultimate win-win situation for all.
 
As Im 34, I think I might have some insight for you.

20 is like… infancy. In the grand scheme. Your brain is still developing, you’re still learning how the world works and coming to terms what it means to have to adult 24/7. I was like you when I was 20, anxious about the future. It’s important to be ambitious and prepare for your future, but love is one of those things…

As the Momma said: You can’t hurry love. No, you just have to wait.

Live your life, be a person, bloom into that person. Your match will come along. We’re equally valid single as we are as part of a couple.
 
All of you have helped me immensely. Showing me that I am not alone. No one here judged me in fact each and every one of you aided me and provided confidence in me. I am more than thankful for your replies, and I am glad that I sought out into this forum for advice. I appreciate you so much !!
 
Thank you I do want to be a good catholic woman 🙂 you’re response was simple and very much appreciated
 
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