How would you respond to someone who believes God doesn't love him?

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and anothery, same disclaimer, because words are just words, they don’t necessarily help, and it doesn’t help the guy you want to help, although the prayers could be said on his behalf

Confidence in God’s merciful love

Our God, we praise and thank You who loves each person into existence. I thank You for loving us, loving me.
Our God, You command that I forgive and rightly cherish myself. Like many people in human history, I often find it difficult to sincerely and consistently love the ‘self’ that I find mirrored in my consciousness. I know that You can bring me to appreciate the miracle and privilege of my existence!

How can I refuse to love what God loves! You treasure me, as You love and treasure each unique, human person that You create. Yet I need much grace to love this betrayer of my true being and purpose, myself! I betray Your loving creation of me by failing to be fully ‘the person I am created to be’ , and by failing in gratitude for the gift of myself.

You love each person so much that it led to the incarnation of Your divine Son, and to His redemption of humankind. Jesus is Your response to my betrayal of my destiny and me. Yet frequently I am unconvinced or indifferent before these astounding gifts of divine love for me and for every person!

Please give me grace to value each person, and my own life, as Your beloved and eternal gift. Inspire me with faith and gratitude for the gift of myself, for the lives of dear ones and of all people. Grant that these human gifts are shaped by Your love to become everlasting gifts to You, and through You, eternal gifts to each other person.

Through Jesus, You taught us that cheerful, loving mutual service of others leads to fulfilment of Your creative will. Therefore, give me grace to faithfully say ‘yes’ to Your loving purpose by active respect and charity to others and me.

Delight Yourself in me by forming me into the unselfish, joyful, helpful and prayerful person You dreamed me to be for You and for the sake of others’ souls for time and eternity.
 
DeniseNY said:
Title kind of says it all. How would you direct someone who trruly believes that God doesn’t love him? He’s at a point where he doesn’t want to go to church as he doesn’t think God wants him there (or cares that he shows up). The only thing he’s sure of is that God wants to hurt him, and punish him. He’s in a really bad place spiritually. Counseling is probaably best, but I’m not sure he would readily go.
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It can take a long time sometimes, I communicated with someone that had this belief for over nine months once. A person can have a series of misunderstandings which compound to form a great wall of resistance to accepting that God loves us. For this example, the ideas that reinforced the idea (of no love) were related to personal imperfection and the unfulfilled expectation of material help in life as a response to prayers. There was also the thought that all acts were sins.
 
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crenfro said:
Otherwise, I’d suggest being there for this person, showing them extra kindness, giving them some unexpected gifts, and praying for them, and maybe leaving some solid, spiritual books around. This is when a person really needs a friend.
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Speaking for my own situation - what if you did all of the above and still nothing? When is it time to give up on someone? When is it time to say “God, he’s all yours now. Do what you want but I need to go away from this person permanently.” I feel that way now in my life. Sometimes you can’t stop someone’s self-destruction and sometimes God will not stop it as well.
 
Trishie thank you for the prayers. They are very helpful. That is the exact situation I am in with someone who’s self esteem is non-existent that he could never love anyone or even like anyone. I will send him the prayers, even though I know he will never read them or care.
 
Hi Denise!

Wow! You could have been writing about me not too long ago! I completely understand what your friend is experiencing. I didn’t attend Mass for the longest time because I couldn’t believe that God could love me. I even questioned why Jesus died on the cross for me!

To put it bluntly, I didn’t believe that I was PERFECT enough for God. How could God love someone like me, imperfect, unworthy–you name it. So, how have I broken the cycle? With a terrific therapist, meds and a lot of hard work. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have a ways to go, but I attend Mass weekly, I read a lot of healing books, Scripture, etc.

God has saved my life more times than I can count, so how can i doubt His love? If He didn’t love me, I KNOW I wouldn’t be here.

So, please don’t give up on your friend. He needs all the encouragement he can get.

I wish you both well
 
I want to again thank all of you for your responses.

I talked to him a bit and he wants to start speaking with his pastor (this is a relief). I think he will follow through on it. He told me that he feels that God is like the kid in 2nd grade who not only beat him up, but humiliated him by kicking him in the groin. His emotional wounds run deep but he’s tired and doesn’t want to feel this way anymore. I shared some of the wonderful suggestions each of you gave and he seemed interested in trying. He knows he shouldn’t feel this way. I’ll check in with him and ask how things are going, but I don’t want to nag.
 
Show him this -

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Does this look like someone who doesn’t love him?

Scared Heart
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Jesus to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

"Behold the Heart which has so loved men that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming Itself, in order to testify Its love"

I hope this has helped

God Bless You
 
Just wanted to give everyone an update. He is actively seeking counseling and that includes meeting with his pastor for spiritual counseling. I am sure this will be an ongoing process for him, but I’m relieved that he realizes he needs help and is willing to seek it out. Again, thank you all for your thoughtful responses!
 
DeniseNY said:
He told me that he feels that God is like the kid in 2nd grade who not only beat him up, but humiliated him by kicking him in the groin.
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It seems your friend has held onto this great sense of injustice for over twenty years; and it sounds as if justice will never happen for him. This has given him the right to feel angry. But anger is like picking up a burning coal with the intention of throwing at the person who angers you, and the person who gets burned the most is me. The longer I hold onto this burning coal of anger, the hotter it becomes, and twenty years is a lot of heat.

The person who angers you controls you, they have a little remote control that makes you feel all the emotions you do not want to feel, and they keep remotely pushing your buttons. This person could be a thousand miles away, they could even be dead, but they still have your remote control.

We pray the Lords prayer, and we command God to forgive us in the same way that we forgive other people. If your friend can forgive and let go of the pain, he will come to understand how God forgives him. Forgiving some one heals the person who does the forgiving, possibly more than it heals the person who has been forgiven. The other person can still be forgiven, even if they do not say sorry.
You can never forget the harm that has been done to you, but you can learn to overcome the hate and anger.
We look to our lord, and how he prayed on the cross, forgive them Father
 
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