Humour – What would have happened…

[kgmlg]

I have a very vivid imagination, and today I woke up with a story in my head…I hope I am not going against any CAF rules with this. If I am…apologies and please delete thread!

Let’s pretend Jesus did not come 2000 years ago….and He comes today.

The Jews and the Muslims are probably doing ok, but us Christians, without a Christ yet, well….not too good.

Now, we want to be true to the scriptures, but since the author of this story (me) has never been to the original places, and has no idea what the culture is like there nowadays, we are going to shift geography for a little bit….

Now Mary, a 14 year old girl who lives in Nazareth (Pennsylvania USA) has been betrothed to this man Joseph (for commercial reasons I guess?)…who the bible informs us is old. Now research says he could be in his 90s…or he could be in his 40s….since I cannot imagine a 90 year old man wanting to get married again, lets say that Joseph is in his 40s, just for the heck of it. (I am in my 40s too, but 40s is old according to the bible…yeah really rude, but hey……on with our story)

Now Joseph and Mary’s father, Joachim, who has this building business – Joseph being a carpenter and all, one day thought that if they announced a betrothal between Mary and Joseph, business would prosper. So that’s what they did…announced their engagement. (Joseph here is scratching his head because of the age difference, heck, one of his sons is probably a better choice for Mary, but then, we would be deviating from the bible story….).

So we have Mary, a very young girl, who suddenly starts missing her period. Now she has no idea why this is happening, but hey, new woman, irregular periods, who knows right?

But…on the third month, Mary is in her room playing some video games, when the angel of the Lord comes into her room.

Now imagine this, a 14 year old girl, alone in her room with a shining Gabriel. What would the first thing be that would come to mind? Hmmm….maybe I shouldn’t have had that sip of whisky/coke from my friend Sarah last weekend, does strange things to my head.

So we get on with the story and Gabriel does his speech, “Behold the handmaiden of the Lord, you shall be blessed amongst all women.”

And Mary is thinking…”Women? I’m only 14!”

But, Mary being who she is answers…”Be it done to me according to thy word.”

So things are progressing accordingly….but Mary has to now tell her parents she is pregnant. Oh oh….
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To be continued….due to number of characters limitation….

 

[kgmlg]

Anyway, you can imagine the conversation, “Dad, Mom…I am pregnant.” “Honey, I told you sending her to that international school with boys wasn’t a good idea.” “What do we do? The shame! What will our neighbours think?” “Grounded until you are 40!”

And Mary is saying, “No, no, mom and dad, the Lord made me pregnant!”

Imagine Joachim’s and Anne’s reaction to this…”Right, right, the Lord….are you sure it’s not that cute boy….?”

So…as things would go, Mary is then shipped off to cousin Elizabeth’s place, out in Northampton, to avoid gossip you know. Although we are not really sure about this, Elizabeth being pregnant at her age! Oh the scandal!

But off Mary goes to Elizabeth’s….

Now Mary is starting to show at this stage, and she is forced to home school so that nobody sees her. In the meantime, Joseph has no idea what’s going on…

Somehow, Joseph finds out that Mary is pregnant, and he is thinking that this commercial based betrothal was probably not in his best interest. Now what, does he have to raise another man’s child? Not cool…

So Joseph is planning on seeing Joachim to talk to him about these things, but the night before he goes to see Joachim, the angel of the Lord appears to him and says, “Joseph, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife……”

And Joseph is thinking….she is only 14 for God’s sake! Is that even legal? She is younger than my youngest!

But, Joseph being who he is, decides, alright…let’s go with what the Lord says. So he goes to talk to Joachim, and he is told that Mary is somewhere else, hiding.

Alright…Joseph says, let’s go get her then and get this over and done with.

So Joseph goes over to Elizabeth’s…marries Mary secretly (Joachim has given his consent due to her age), and they make their way home to Nazareth…in Joseph’s pick-up truck.

At this stage, Mary is in her 8th month of pregnancy.

Now as they are going through the town of Bethlehem (again Pennsylvania USA) the danged truck breaks down. And of course it is in an area with no cell phone coverage. So Joseph gets out of the truck and spots a farm house off in the distance. “Let’s walk over to that place,” he says to Mary, “maybe they have a land line we can borrow to call road-side assistance.”

They get to the farm house, and nobody is home. Mary starts getting contractions….Joseph in his panic, clears some space in the garage that had been left open (mangers are hard to find in the 21st century), and tries to make Mary as comfortable as possible.

Now Mary at 14, is in pain, scared, wants her mom and is screaming the roof down.
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To be continued….due to number of characters limitation….

 

[kgmlg]

In the meantime, Mr. and Mrs. Shepperd (owners of the farmhouse) come home. Mr. Shepperd hears someone screaming in his garage and goes for the shotgun. Mrs. Shepperd is trying to see what is going on from behind Mr. Shepperd and she sees this really young girl bearing down and bleeding.

“What’s going on here?” Mr. Shepperd says.

“My wife….” Joseph answers helplessly. “Do you have a phone we can borrow?”

Mr. Sheppard takes one look at very young Mary and cocks his gun, “Wife you say?” Thinking…this man is pederast!

Now Mrs. Sheppard takes in everything and decides, “men!”…and takes matters into her own hands.

“Mr. Sheppard” she says, “go call 911.”

“But, but…” Mr. Sheppard protests.

“Just do it!” Mrs. Sheppard tells him while she gathers blankets for poor Mary, who is still on the garage floor at this stage.

“Line’s down!” Mr. Sheppard informs from the house.

“Get on the shortwave and get Mark over here!”

“Mark?” Mr. Sheppard replies, “he is a vet!”

“Well, better than nothing”, Mrs. Sheppard replies. “And get the lights on!”

Mr. Sheppard turns on the lights, and since he had some trouble with the wiring last week, well, the whole farmhouse is illuminated like it was daytime.

So Mark comes over to help deliver the baby…in the meantime, everyone who has a shortwave radio has also found out what is going on and has come over for a visit, with their pets and stuff, we have to be true to the bible. Somebody puts on the radio while people are gathering….and heavenly music is playing.

Everyone who has seen the baby is awed by Him, and they just know that He will be great. Love flows freely from the baby…they all kneel down to adore Him……thereby, the first Christians were born.

Of course the story is on Facebook….and of course we trash Mr. and Mrs. Shepperd on FB, some for pointing a shotgun at a baby and some for opening their house to strangers. While feminism is trashing Joseph…and telling Mary she should have aborted……but…we start picking up the first Christians from Instagram or something….somebody sues somebody for publishing unauthorised pictures.

Now the flight to Egypt will probably have something to do with the detention order out on Joseph, for marrying a 14 year old….

So yeah, thank the Lord God in heaven Jesus came 2000 years ago….

Hope you enjoyed the story! Please feel free to add to it….

 

[Lee1]

My cousin wrote a story and turned it into a play. It was about two young lovers from feuding families who fell in love and eventually…I won’t spoil the ending. Anyway it was widely acclaimed, most people acclaiming it was plagiarism.


(This story is untrue.)

I just realised you may think I mean your story is plagiarised, I am not implying that, just having fun , peace. @kgmlg

 

[RandomAlias]

Hope you enjoyed the story!

Thanks for posting it.

When he is 12 years old, Jesus will be found by his anxious parents at Temple University (Philadelphia) delivering a seminar to an amazed faculty.

 

[kgmlg]

……could’ve sworn twas a movie….

 

[kgmlg]

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