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jmj.bvm
Guest
Hi everyone, I need some assistance in moving on from my past sins.
My question is, is it important that one remains absolutely responsible for their own past sins despite any external influences that helped them to sin?
Do you think God takes this into consideration in His judgment?
Approximately one year ago, whilst I was a non-practicing Catholic, I went to sleep in the middle of the day where I had a dream where I had walking into my kitchen, simply fell and died. Before I had even hit the ground I knew that I was dying, I felt helpless and terribly frightened as I remember thinking I would have done anything to come back but it was my time. Then, I was falling into an abyss facing up. It was blue and dark all around me. I was falling so quickly. I cried out to God two times, strangely enough in my mother tongue not in the English language which I am more fluent in. I knew he was there but he was invisible. I then woke up shaking and crying, being so grateful that I was alive. I had experienced sleep paralysis as well which I have experienced before. Could this have been from God?
I grew up in a non-practicing Catholic family from an early age. They were extended family members as I lost my parents at a young age. We hardly attended Church except for special occasions or every now and then. From a young age, in the home of my extended family, I can remember seeing my two cousins bringing their “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” home to stay over in the same room over an extended period of time. I thought this was “normal”. They were even part of the family. Before I knew it, as ashamed I am to say this as it is a sin that I carry with me always, I began to have boyfriends and sleep with them. I knew nothing about the Catholic faith, although I had attended a Catholic primary school. I was heavily influenced by my environment as I lived in a poor socio-economic area so the high school I went to was quite rough. Before I knew it, I was sneaking out of my family’s home, stealing, not wanting to go to school and making really, really stupid choices.
It was about a year ago that I came back to the traditional Roman Catholic faith, the desire came for me out of nowhere. I sought God myself and I was determined to find Him.
For many years I had struggled with severe anxiety, I feel as a result of grief/loss from my childhood and of my past sins. I will not even explain the magnitude of remorse I feel for committing sins against purity, for which I will never get back. To this day, It is really hard for me to forgive myself despite having been to confession numerous time for the same sins. I feel serious regret. I cannot understand why God allowed me to do what I did for as long as I did whilst others die after committing just a few mortal sins. I have pledged to never commit the same mortal sins again, or any other for that matter. I would die before doing that.
I am sorry this has been a long post. Thank you kindly for reading.
May God bless you and keep you.
My question is, is it important that one remains absolutely responsible for their own past sins despite any external influences that helped them to sin?
Do you think God takes this into consideration in His judgment?
Approximately one year ago, whilst I was a non-practicing Catholic, I went to sleep in the middle of the day where I had a dream where I had walking into my kitchen, simply fell and died. Before I had even hit the ground I knew that I was dying, I felt helpless and terribly frightened as I remember thinking I would have done anything to come back but it was my time. Then, I was falling into an abyss facing up. It was blue and dark all around me. I was falling so quickly. I cried out to God two times, strangely enough in my mother tongue not in the English language which I am more fluent in. I knew he was there but he was invisible. I then woke up shaking and crying, being so grateful that I was alive. I had experienced sleep paralysis as well which I have experienced before. Could this have been from God?
I grew up in a non-practicing Catholic family from an early age. They were extended family members as I lost my parents at a young age. We hardly attended Church except for special occasions or every now and then. From a young age, in the home of my extended family, I can remember seeing my two cousins bringing their “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” home to stay over in the same room over an extended period of time. I thought this was “normal”. They were even part of the family. Before I knew it, as ashamed I am to say this as it is a sin that I carry with me always, I began to have boyfriends and sleep with them. I knew nothing about the Catholic faith, although I had attended a Catholic primary school. I was heavily influenced by my environment as I lived in a poor socio-economic area so the high school I went to was quite rough. Before I knew it, I was sneaking out of my family’s home, stealing, not wanting to go to school and making really, really stupid choices.
It was about a year ago that I came back to the traditional Roman Catholic faith, the desire came for me out of nowhere. I sought God myself and I was determined to find Him.
For many years I had struggled with severe anxiety, I feel as a result of grief/loss from my childhood and of my past sins. I will not even explain the magnitude of remorse I feel for committing sins against purity, for which I will never get back. To this day, It is really hard for me to forgive myself despite having been to confession numerous time for the same sins. I feel serious regret. I cannot understand why God allowed me to do what I did for as long as I did whilst others die after committing just a few mortal sins. I have pledged to never commit the same mortal sins again, or any other for that matter. I would die before doing that.
I am sorry this has been a long post. Thank you kindly for reading.
May God bless you and keep you.
always…