Husband’s unannulled first marriage

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rlmcc83

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Please feel free to move this post if I posted in the wrong category. I will keep this brief. I am a Protestant (Presbyterian) who is called to the Catholic Church. However, my husband (who is very anti-Catholic) has an unannulled first marriage. He refuses to even consider annulment. Living apart/not sharing a bed is not an option (I would be fine with this, but he isn’t), nor is divorce. We have one child (and most likely will not have any more, because that’s what he wants). So, what do I do? I understand I will have to wait to become Catholic, and take the chance that it may never happen. I try to be a good wife and submit to his leadership and give him what he wants, but it’s tough.
 
I encourage you to talk to the pastor, explain the situation, and follow his guidance.
 
I’ve done that. He told me I would have to get an annullment. I guess what I really want to know is, is it even worth attending Mass at all, or should I stay Protestant? What can I do to help my husband change his mind that works quickly?
 
It is always worthwhile to attend Mass. if you believe the Church holds the fullness of truth, then nothing should keep you from pursuing it.

Time, prayer, and continuing to talk to your husband about how much this means to you. That’s the path.
 
Thank you. I hope it works. I really don’t want to still not be part of the Catholic Church 50 year’s from now.
 
I wonder if it would help to have your husband talk with the pastor. He could explain what a declaration of nullity is and isn’t, what’s involved in applying for one, and generally answer any questions your husband has.
 
This is good advice @SuscipeMeDomine Your husband might think that the purpose is to determine “who is to blame.” He could be afraid of the unknown process.
 
Thank you for the responses. I will try to bring up visiting a priest, although I am not sure how successful this will be (he is very stubborn once his mind is made up). He did look into the annulment process when I first told him of my call to the church, but quickly lost interest once he realized the amount of work getting one takes. He exerts quiet a lot of control on our marriage, and generally prefers the easy way over the right way. I have learned it is best to stay out of his way and give him whatever he wants, and if I’m lucky I’ll get some of what I need in return. He claims he would have to lie to a priest in order to get an annulment. I’m not sure where he got that idea from, but I’m not going to argue with him.
 
Have you asked your priest about options for proceeding with an annulment in the absence of co-operation from your husband? There are often situations where one party or other to a marriage doesn’t want to have any truck with the annulment process, I’m pretty sure annulments can (at least sometimes) happen anyway.

Remember that annulment is not the end of the process. You would need your current marriage then to be recognised by the Church, either via convalidation or radical sanation (which can, I believe, be done by one party to the marriage acting on their own.)

You should also bear in mind that a Catholic parent has obligations to at least try to raise their children Catholic also, for example to ensure they receive the sacraments of holy communion and confirmation. Is your husband going to be on board with this?
 
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You are not alone. If you’d like talking with other prospective converts, join us over at the Tiber’s shore thread !

I am in a somewhat similar situation. All I can say is yes, it will be worth it in the end. Take heart !
LilyM said:
radical sanation (which can, I believe, be done by one party to the marriage acting on their own.)
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Yes. I don’t think it is possible for an annulment process, but as far as radical sanation goes, I was told by a bishop that I could do that on my own, and my husband could stay completely unaware of the whole thing.
 
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JulianN said:
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rlmcc83:
We were married in a Protestant church. His first marriage was also in a Protestant church.
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Was your husband baptized into a Christian church as a child?
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Yes, he was baptized into the United Methodist Church and raised in that church. His parents are pretty hardcore Protestants/Methodists, which I’m sure is a big source of his animosity to anything Catholic.
For what it’s worth, I was baptized Catholic and raised Methodist as a young child, with a few years in a Catholic school for middle school.
 
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I have done this, and was told that unless he agrees to an annulment nothing can be done.
 
rlmcc83 said:
He exerts quiet a lot of control on our marriage, and generally prefers the easy way over the right way. I have learned it is best to stay out of his way and give him whatever he wants, and if I’m lucky I’ll get some of what I need in return.
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That is a lot to unpack right there. This is not a healthy relationship.
 
Pray on the matter. Prayers always tend to help in any situation.
 
I don’t suppose his first wife is Catholic? If not, then yes, it appears he will need a formal nullity case.

And as others have pointed out, you are already Catholic. 😊
 
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