Husband Cheated Trying to Fix Marriage

[chloe]

My husband cheated on me via cyber sex, which led to phone sex and ultimately a meeting with a woman where they attempted to have sex but got scared. He has gone to counseling, sex addiction classes, etc. He is commited to never doing this again and very sorry.
After talking with him and understanding the reason behind what he did, I feel it is due to his dissatisfaction with our sex life. Due to my own beliefs and maybe lack of understanding of the church’s teaching, I have been more reserved at times to experiment. He is dissatisfied with my ability to orgasm quickly. We have alot of healing to do and I want our sex life to improve so he is satisfied. The church does a poor job in working with married couples when it comes to this issue. And, it is embarassing to even discuss with anyone. Which is probably why I have had concerns with experimenting or improving our sex life in the past. Is it ever considered ok to use masturbation as a means of improving your sex life when you are married so you can ultimately have a better sexual experience that is satisfying to both partners?

 

[TarAshly]

i dont know much about church teachings on this except that as long as the husband “finishes” internally just about anything between a man and his WIFE is ok. however if dear hubby is so upset over the amount of time it takes you to orgasm, tell him that on average it takes most women at LEAST 15 minutes of constant and consistent stimulation to achieve an orgasm. unless you fake it. and if your not orgasming, and you are over all healthy maybe its him and not you. its good that your forgiving him, however remember HE cheated not you. dont blame yourself for his mistakes. work on your marriage because if you love him its worth saving. and the church does teach that divorce is unacceptable. good luck and just remember to be open about your needs as well as his and keep an open mind. your husband and wife and consenting adults. enjoy each other and what God has given you.

 

[TarAshly]

i was also just thinking sweat heart… never mind i’ll PM you.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

chloe:

My husband cheated on me via cyber sex, which led to phone sex and ultimately a meeting with a woman where they attempted to have sex but got scared. He has gone to counseling, sex addiction classes, etc. He is commited to never doing this again and very sorry.
After talking with him and understanding the reason behind what he did, I feel it is due to his dissatisfaction with our sex life.

Dear chloe,

I am impressed by the way you have written this post, under your circumstances. You didn’t ask for it, but I’d like to offer a tidbit of information from a “male” point of view. I never realized it differed from a “female” point of view until I read a fascinating book about jealousy. My wife confirmed we think differently on this.

The fact that they chickened out before carrying out their attempt is very good news, and gives me confidence in his sincerity – maybe more so than if the meeting hadn’t even happened yet. For a male (at least those I know and those the book studied), actually carrying out a physical act is a much greater threat than any amount of imagination.

Alan

 

[martha_martha]

i am not the best to answer this, so please bear with me - women struggle with their own sexuality issues. a great book to read is every woman’s struggle by shannon ethridge. it goes where no other book has gone before discussing sexuality and Christianity, and i felt when i was reading it, it was like a personal letter to me and it helped me through so many struggles.

i do not think any of this is your “fault.” your husband seems to be taking account for his actions and knows what he was doing was wrong. there is a difference between forcing someone to meet someone online and actually doing the “meeting” (cyberly-speaking) yourself. my husband was never at fault when i decided to chat with other men online; however now when i do, he is aware of it and it is not being done in secret. that is where so much festers - in the dark, secretly. it is good that he was unable to follow through on these actions when he met this woman in real life. i feel there was some sort of supernatural intervention going on.

on the topic of masturbation - (again, i am so tentative to express my views since i am so new to this forum) - are you talking about mutual masturbation or the self-gratifying variety? any time you are doing same simply to gratify yourself, that isn’t being borne out of love for your spouse and showing him how much you appreciate and love him. how would that improve your sex life together?

also, while the Church may remain silent on these types of problems, perhaps you could seek out a therapist, if not just to get a little reassurance for yourself.

peace