Husband is Atheist

[Scanner]

Well. . .we only have one side of the story. I know sometimes this subject is so volatile that sometimes the other one feels like he/she is being mocked and really the mockery is just implied.

My DW often feels a sense of holier-than-thou from me, when that was not in my spirit to communicate that.

Everyone is a can of worms.

About Age 12 beign too young to make a moral decision on where you stand, I knew there was a reference:

faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/kohlberg.htm

It’s interesting read and mentions rules from God in this.

I am just saying to consider the possibility it may not be correct to indoctrinate children into Catholicism and it may actually backfire.

But what do I know. . .I’m just a confused IDer

 

[kage_ar]

For Catholics, we are given a sacred trust by God - children. It is our moral duty to raise those children to know, love and serve God, and to do all in our power to see our children make it to Heaven. If we shirk our duty, we will answer to God for it.

 

[Naztakuan]

I always wondered how someone so fervently religious could end up with someone who is so fervently…not. I mean, that’s kind of a BIG deal for me. iwouldn’t want to end up with someone with no spiritual outlook at all. It’s depressing. Even if He was Hindu, it’s better than nothing. Believing in some form of god is better than believing in no form of him.

 

[Tick_Dawk]

Tabor Farms,

Tell your husband to get over himself, man. I mean, he can believe whatever he wants and that’s totally fine, but he can’t force his opinions on you. As for your kids, I guess that’s a decision you and him have to make. I mean, your kids, assuming they really care about their spirituality, will decide whether or not Catholicism is for them when they’re old enough to discern that sort of stuff, but if you take them to church or teach them about the religion, that will only make their decision more informed. I mean, when your kids are living on their own and they discover they’re not too cool with Catholicism, maybe they’ll become atheists or buddhists, but at least they’ll know that Catholicism wasn’t what they were into. Better to make a decision after knowing about it than just saying “enh, I don’t feel like testing this out.” If your husband can’t deal that you want to be Catholic, or even just overlook that, then, good gravy, he needs to grow up.

 

[JoyToBeCatholic]

I plan to convert to Catholicism and will begin attending RCIA in the Fall. As excited I am about joining the Church, I’m also terrified. You see, my husband (who is atheist) really hates the Church with a passion.

Though he grins and bears the fact that I will be attending Mass, he absolutely forbids me from taking our children. He says he will allow our children to be baptized as infants, but no further involvement will be permitted by him. No Sunday Mass, no religious education, no confirmation, no nothin’.

Our children will only be permitted to attend Mass, religious eduction, etc. if they specifically ask to go. Basically all I can do to influence my children is pray, be a good example, and talk to them about the Church as much as my husband will allow.

I fear that my children will never believe in God, or may actually grow up to hate the Church with the same intensity that my husband does. If that is that case, haven’t I failed my children? The fact that my children could end up spiritually dead due to my negligence as a parent is terrifying to me.

My husband assures me that if I take the children to Church, or try to teach them the Gospel in secret, he will divorce me and sue for custody of the children.

Do I have a moral obligation to raise my children in the Church at all costs? Should I let my husband divorce me and pray that I win custody of my children? What if I don’t win? Can I be forgiven by God for allowing my children to be essentially “lost” to the Church?

Converting to the Church has not been easy for me- and I haven’t even started the formal process yet! My husband mocks me constantly for my belief, detests the doctrines of NFP, and laughs in my face about convalidating our marriage.

Believe it or not, he’s a good husband and father besides his intense disbelief. I fear divorce because, one, I love my husband, and two, I’m a SAHM with little education and minimal job skills. I divorce would also hurt our children emotionally.

Me converting to Catholicism has put so much strain on our marriage. I know that I am supposed to serve God before all others, but sometimes I wonder if I’m making the right choice.

Thanks for listening.
T_F

Wow - I can totally relate to your situation! I was born catholic, raised in the bare minimum (we hardly ever went to mass, although I did go to Catholic schools) but after my Confirmation I fell away for a long time. In that time I got married and had a child. After the birth of our first child I came back to the church and my husband was NOT HAPPY. Your husband sounds just like mine was at that time. I wanted to go to daily mass and he would purposely go out so I couldn’t go (we only had one car). He’d explode if you mentioned anything religious. He was resentful of anything about the church that affected him (like the practice of NFP).

Have hope! Over the years my husband softened up. We had more children and eventually he started going to mass with us a little. Today I am questioning my Catholic faith, and my husband still goes to mass every Sunday. So, essentially, I led my husband to the faith (with my childrens’ help) and, ironically, I am the one who only attends mass sporadically. Maybe he’ll lead me back .

Anyway, in that time I never failed to teach my children at home. EWTN was on at every available opportunity and my children learned many things through me and the programming. They were singing the chaplet of Divine Mercy before they could even speak in complete sentences!

I did not force my husband to allow the children to go to mass, but I would ask at every opportunity. I think he just got tired of being asked.

I think part of the issue is that he sees a change in you and is not convinced. A part of him is hopeful that he will have the “old you” back. If you remain steadfast in your faith and only respond to him in love - especially in matters of faith - he will eventually soften up (I pray, anyway) b/c he will realize that this is here to stay. I tried to remain silent for the most parts unless I had to raise an issue (like going to Mass, or NFP or something like that…) and I was as careful as possible in my approach when we did have to discuss things. And if his answer was ‘no’ to mass or whatever, I accepted it w/out arguing, b/c one of his fears was that he was losing control and now I only looked up to the church/God. He felt like he was being replaced. I had to show him that I still respected him and would be submissive so long as he was not asking me to sin.

And, of course, prayer. No one wants to see the conversion of your husband more than God. And sacrifice. Self-righteousness will only drive him away. Be sweet and quiet as much as possible. And never let him steal your joy. Read the life of Saint Monica. Oh, there are 2 others that I read that were really good too: Rita of Cascia and Elizabeth LeSeur. I believe her husband became a Catholic priest after her death Basically, I followed their example of silent submission, prayer, and steadfastness and it certainly had a positive affect on our relationship and my husband’s faith.

Praying for you,
God Bless~