Husband is forcing me through a divorce

[helen_of_troy23]

Hi,

I need some advice. To make a long story short, I’m currently being forced through a divorce and potentially an annulment by my husband. We are both Catholic and were married in the church last November. Based on the priests I’ve talked to, I’m pretty convinced that we have a valid marriage. He, on the other hand, is quite convinced that we don’t and is thoroughly done with me and is basically pretending like I don’t exist.
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time in prayer about this, but I’m still feeling terrified and overwhelmed. I’m hoping to get some insight from people who have been there to help me get through this.

Thank you!

 

[anonymous_in_fl]

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Something similar happened to me. I live in Florida and we have “no fault” divorce laws. Basically, all it takes is one person in the marriage to say “I want out” and the marriage is over. There is nothing legally the other party can do to fight it or stop it. My husband had an affair, left me, divorced me---- all the time I was wanting to work it out and to forgive him and get counseling. We were both Catholic and married in the Catholic church. It was an extremely painful experience to go through. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Xantippe]

Your husband sounds like he has a lot of issues.

Do you have a therapist yet?

If he does divorce you, I suggest that you cooperate fully in the annulment process.

The blogger at Seraphic Singles/Edinburgh Housewife was married for two years and then divorced and annulled. I think you might appreciate what she has written on annulment.

Hi,

I need some advice. To make a long story short, I’m currently being forced through a divorce and potentially an annulment by my husband. We are both Catholic and were married in the church last November. Based on the priests I’ve talked to, I’m pretty convinced that we have a valid marriage. He, on the other hand, is quite convinced that we don’t and is thoroughly done with me and is basically pretending like I don’t exist.
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time in prayer about this, but I’m still feeling terrified and overwhelmed. I’m hoping to get some insight from people who have been there to help me get through this.

Thank you!

 

[ProdglArchitect]

That’s… a really quick period of time to go from loving someone enough to marry them, to disliking the person enough to ignore them completely and get a divorce.

Did something happen, or does your husband have a history of drastic mood swings?

As for the actual situation, as others have said, seek a counselor for help, a good priest for guidance, and God for support. If he does go through with the divorce, go through with the annulment processes, with a shift that quick and that radical, there’s a good chance that something may have been off from the start.

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, I pray that you will find healing and support, and hopefully reconciliation with your husband.

 

[nodito]

If he does go through with the divorce, go through with the annulment processes, with a shift that quick and that radical, there’s a good chance that something may have been off from the start.

This.

 

[BShep]

Good afternoon! I am so sorry you’re having to go through such a dramatic turnaround. I’m a guy and can tell you that such a drastic swing isn’t normal, even for us. I’d wonder out of the gate whether there is a medical reason for his change of heart; if there is that would be the place to start in order to attempt to save things.

As to how to attempt to handle the scenario, you have to be very careful. At all times, remember he is a person of dignity and with objective value; as are all of God’s children. My wife helped me see the light when I was in a tough spot before that was making me push the divorce button myself. Some of the things she did to directly confront me and breach the walls I had put up simply served to confirmed me in my decision, but when she found the below link she really began to help me open up to the fact that my thought process was off and we fixed things. I hope this helps you!

psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201311/7-strong-steps-stop-divorce

Just keep in mind that you must respect his boundaries, and set reasonable ones of your own. Two great books that may help you develop tools to deal with this situation and foster further understanding of the love God wants in our marriages are “Boundaries” by Drs Townsend and Cloud and “Love and Responsibility” by Karol Wojtyla (later Pope John Paul II).

Be wary of things taking a turn for the worse. If you don’t respect boundaries then resentment may build on his part and that can lead to much worse damage that will be difficult to overcome. Another commonly referenced book is “5 Love Languages”. Look it up, read it and try to incorporate it into your relationship where he will still let you and in ways that are respectful to both your own dignity and his.

I’ll leave you with the last statement of, practice chastity! Yes, you are married and should leverage your marital relations, but don’t throw yourself at him in an attempt to entice him to turn around unless that is what you two already have established as the norm. If he has emotionally disengaged from you and you turn up the heat then that may only serve to make him feel you’re shallow and don’t understand what he is needing that’s causing him to turn away from you in the first place. Don’t let him use your body as a tool for his enjoyment, that fosters disrespect.

I’ll be praying for you! Feel free to reach out if you need help. Remember, whatever happens, God will see you through!

Regards,

BShep

 

[ClearWater]

Hi,

I need some advice. To make a long story short, I’m currently being forced through a divorce and potentially an annulment by my husband. We are both Catholic and were married in the church last November. Based on the priests I’ve talked to, I’m pretty convinced that we have a valid marriage. He, on the other hand, is quite convinced that we don’t and is thoroughly done with me and is basically pretending like I don’t exist.
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time in prayer about this, but I’m still feeling terrified and overwhelmed. I’m hoping to get some insight from people who have been there to help me get through this.

Thank you!

I have been through divorce and annulment.

Based on my experience, I would recommend counseling. If your husband won’t go with you, you might benefit from individual counseling. A counselor can allow one to vent, to give a “shoulder to cry on”. Also, he/she would be neutral, bound by confidentiality and with experience of many clients to rely on.

Catholic Social Services has counseling from a Catholic perspective. There are also many good counselors in other organizations, as well.

:twocents:

 

[helen_of_troy23]

Did something happen, or does your husband have a history of drastic mood swings?

To answer your question, yes, something happened. Well, a couple somethings, actually. First being that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The second was that he found out that prior to our marriage, there was an instance of infidelity on my part.

Other than the meeting with the court, I haven’t seen or spoken to him since the beginning of June. We are also a no fault divorce state, so he has an easy out according to the courts.

I’m not sure what scares me more, having the marriage declared valid or having the marriage declared invalid. I want to fight for this marriage, since for right now, we have to assume that it is a valid marriage. I know we have a lot to work through, but I also know that it can be worked through, with the grace of God.

I’m currently in therapy to help me through this. I believe he is going to therapy as well, but I don’t actually know.