Husband no longer believes in Jesus. Help!

[novelist99]

What do you do when your spouse tells you that he or she no longer believes in Jesus?

My husband of 34 years confessed this recently, and I’m absolutely devastated. Not only is he denying God’s son, but I feel that, in his belief, he may hold our relationship less sacred as well.

I will always believe that Mary brought us together. I was from an abusive family and when I was 16, I prayed that I’d meet the one that I was to spend my life with, and we’d have a family together. I met the man who was to become my husband within a month, and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve always been a very close couple.

We weren’t Catholic at the time, but we decided to attend Catholic classes together and become Catholic. We were married by the Catholic Church. I was 17, and he was 19. Our entire relationship revolved around our faith in God and our love for each other. We saw our union as sacred and holy.

I don’t know where this lack of belief came from. Perhaps a combination of things–reading anti-Jesus books, watching documentaries, or the talk of anti-religious groups on the internet. I only know that he told me that he’d researched the matter and that he doesn’t believe that Jesus even existed.

I have no idea how to address this problem. I’ve told him that I feel his lack of belief is Satan’s work. But each time we talk about it, it feels like I’m merely lecturing him. I get upset and he tunes out.

Any suggestions?

 

[PrayerShark]

I suppose you need to stop and consider this as more his problem than yours. The relationship between oneself and our Lord is a personal one. He’ll probably change his mind again down the track, just give him room to make up his own mind.

Also, I wouldn’t believe all this hand wringing about anti-religious mass-media, societal pressure, etc. It’s just people looking for any excuse to be angry at the world. If you’re faith is strong, it can stand against the tide, and if it doesn’t well then your faith wasn’t strong to begin with.

I suppose the important thing is to not let this get in the way of your marriage. Continue to love and support him and keep living strong in the faith. Don’t hold his unbelief against him, it’s his discussion with God not yours. Be an example.

Also, I wouldn’t listen to the conspiracy theorists and other nut jobs on this forum.

 

[without]

I’ve told him that I feel his lack of belief is Satan’s work.

Ouch…

Respect should still be part of your relationship and your husband is showing it to you by being honest about his feelings and beliefs. Would you rather he keep it secret? It may be better to honor the love and leadership he is showing you and concentrate on the things you have in common.

Perhaps you can think about how this is impacting you and share your fear or sadness with him… Not to change him or to fix anything but to be able to express yourself.

 

[Linusthe2nd]

What do you do when your spouse tells you that he or she no longer believes in Jesus?

My husband of 34 years confessed this recently, and I’m absolutely devastated. Not only is he denying God’s son, but I feel that, in his belief, he may hold our relationship less sacred as well.

I will always believe that Mary brought us together. I was from an abusive family and when I was 16, I prayed that I’d meet the one that I was to spend my life with, and we’d have a family together. I met the man who was to become my husband within a month, and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve always been a very close couple.

We weren’t Catholic at the time, but we decided to attend Catholic classes together and become Catholic. We were married by the Catholic Church. I was 17, and he was 19. Our entire relationship revolved around our faith in God and our love for each other. We saw our union as sacred and holy.

I don’t know where this lack of belief came from. Perhaps a combination of things–reading anti-Jesus books, watching documentaries, or the talk of anti-religious groups on the internet. I only know that he told me that he’d researched the matter and that he doesn’t believe that Jesus even existed.

I have no idea how to address this problem. I’ve told him that I feel his lack of belief is Satan’s work. But each time we talk about it, it feels like I’m merely lecturing him. I get upset and he tunes out.

Any suggestions?

Whatever you do don’t badger him. Pray for him of course and continue to be a good wife and keep up with your own spiritual life. Every family has at least one member or close relative who seems lost. You might try to get him to go see some good movies like the Passion by Mel Gibson, Quo Vadis, Ben Hur, The Robe. Remember St. Veronica and her son St. Augustine.

Linus2nd

 

[georget]

It sounds like he’s found what he was searching for. If you can talk about this without arguing and fighting I would tell him to keep on searching, maybe ask him to pray with you over it, Jesus did exist, no serious investigator would deny that, there is simply too much evidence that the Man Jesus did exist. Was he divine, that’s where faith kicks in. You could suggest he read Peter Kreeft, GK Chesterton, there are many others. An atheist would scoff but there is a “Devil” and he’s running amok these days, but, I think it’s normal for your husband to search for the truth, the problem is when you stop and say “I’ve found it”. So I would keep on praying for him that God will guide him on a lifelong pursuit of truth, by the way he won’t find it based on the conclusions of others.
May God bless you and your family

 

[lax16]

What do you do when your spouse tells you that he or she no longer believes in Jesus?

My husband of 34 years confessed this recently, and I’m absolutely devastated. Not only is he denying God’s son, but I feel that, in his belief, he may hold our relationship less sacred as well.

I will always believe that Mary brought us together. I was from an abusive family and when I was 16, I prayed that I’d meet the one that I was to spend my life with, and we’d have a family together. I met the man who was to become my husband within a month, and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve always been a very close couple.

We weren’t Catholic at the time, but we decided to attend Catholic classes together and become Catholic. We were married by the Catholic Church. I was 17, and he was 19. Our entire relationship revolved around our faith in God and our love for each other. We saw our union as sacred and holy.

I don’t know where this lack of belief came from. Perhaps a combination of things–reading anti-Jesus books, watching documentaries, or the talk of anti-religious groups on the internet. I only know that he told me that he’d researched the matter and that he doesn’t believe that Jesus even existed.

I have no idea how to address this problem. I’ve told him that I feel his lack of belief is Satan’s work. But each time we talk about it, it feels like I’m merely lecturing him. I get upset and he tunes out.

Any suggestions?

I have been told that Jesus didn’t exist, and similar things, by my husband and some of his family members.

Pray that the Holy Spirit will help you find books or videos to help you have an educated, calm, and loving discussion about Jesus.

Have you visited the website shroud.com? Fascinating information. Who is this man on the cloth that matches the description of Jesus?

Also, I have heard that there are some videos on YouTube claiming that Jesus did not exist. Jimmy Akin has wonderful rebuttal to this and basically takes the video point by point and refutes it in a very intelligent way.

Don’t despair! Pray and know that we are often called to evangelize our own spouses and children. It will deepen your own faith as well.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Your job as a spouse is to do your best to help get him to Heaven. Keep praying for him and keep your focus on Our Lord.

 

[Kal2012]

I’ve found that faith tends to waver in times of stress or turmoil.

First your faith wavers, then you find “evidence” and people who support your new viewpoint.

Keep loving your husband. Be a faithful example to the Lord - because he is still watching you.

Don’t try to argue or “change his mind”. Listen and pray and be patient.

Mine has gone from (since I’ve known him) Catholic convert to “not believing this stuff” to “not caring one way or the other”.

For a short period, we did attend mass together, but we moved. He was very critical of the parishes we attended after that, so he stopped going (and it doesn’t help that my attendance has been sporadic.)

For our family, once we buy our “forever home” which is our next step, then I will be setting up permanent ties to whatever parish works in the area. Once I start going again, I’m sure he will follow because I will inevitably end up dragging him to events that our son is involved in. lol

However, I do know how devastating it is for your significant other to tell you that he doesn’t believe in Jesus anymore. You aren’t the only one who’s experienced it. I was crushed when my now-husband “gave me the news”, but I chose to marry him anyway.

It’s been quite a road, but for all the stuff that he sometimes spews, he still likes Christian values because they are “good values” - even if he has trouble with some of the other stuff (ok? what ever that means?)

For now, it has to be good enough that he knows that there’s another guy in our marriage and his name is Jesus. (As he says! )

 

[JerryZ]

Get him the book “Killing Jesus” by Bill O’Reilly it is not a religious book, it delves into the historical aspects of Jesus existance, life and ultimate death.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

What do you do when your spouse tells you that he or she no longer believes in Jesus?

As the nonbeliever spouse in my marriage in but sure. But whatever it is should be loving.

My husband of 34 years confessed this recently, and I’m absolutely devastated. Not only is he denying God’s son, but I feel that, in his belief, he may hold our relationship less sacred as well.

This is something I don’t fully understand. His relationship with Jesus and his relationship with you can be two separate things. Unless there have been other major issues then 34 years is proof that he truly values the relationship. Out of about 2 dozen couples I’ve known over my lifetime only my parents and 5 others have lasted even 2 decades.

I have no idea how to address this problem. I’ve told him that I feel his lack of belief is Satan’s work. But each time we talk about it, it feels like I’m merely lecturing him. I get upset and he tunes out.

Any suggestions?

Belief in something is hard, that’s why so many refer to it as a gift. Perhaps when the topic comes up you can try to listen to yourself from his pov. One thing that tends to happen is that as a believer you may presume certain facts to be obvious and undeniable that he may no longer agree with.

As for suggestions on changing his mind, I have nothing helpful. I’ve tried a few things with myself over the years for various reasons to no avail. As for the marriage, mutual respect over this is my suggestion. Respect his opinion as he should also respect yours on this matter.

 

[novelist99]

A lot of great suggestions, everyone. Thanks. We’ll see how this goes. Please pray for us!