Husband says I’m helping too much

[Amalie]

Ok when I got married I didn’t think it would be hard to live those vows. But my husband and I are much more functional and successful than my parents and so I feel like we should help them. I feel bad for them going through hard things. And I feel bad about the disparity.

I know it’s not my fault and I don’t always act on my feelings, but my feelings are something I have to deal with.

I’m also working on becoming a reformed people pleaser. It’s hard.

I also was judged in the past for not offering to adopt my daughters illegitimate child that she was adopting out.

So I feel like I’m this world you will be judged no matter what you do.

My husband had firmer boundaries than me; but I also feel like he compartmentalizes more than me.

His parents are super functional and high achieving a self sufficient and kind.

Mine are separated. It’s so very painful and scary for all of us.
It’s so disappointing when two people who seem so devout can still struggle in their marriage. It makes my world feel very unsteady.

Send prayers for me.

 

[Trishie]

I’m sorry you are going through such a hard time in worrying about your parents and feeling so unsettled by the conflict between them.
I understand, as l’m a person who keeps wanting to help loved ones and others, yet am limited in what is possible.
I don’t know whether you should call yourself a people pleaser, but you certainly are empathetic.

Regarding your parents … of course you are not responsible for their choices. They are adults who must deal with their decisions and challenges the best they can.
Help where you reasonably can but please try not to worry beyond that (easy to say, not to do).

It is sometimes the case that people who are less naturally empathetic won’t appreciate the concerns of the more empathetic, and intellectually they mightn’t be able to move past that, so respect is due to your husband’s position.

It’s complicated regarding your parents, especially if you are drawn into the angst of either or both parents. My husband and I are the older parents who are not well off, and my husband is somewhat like yours, and I have (too much sometimes?) empathy, but we are responsible for ourselves. Our eldest son is forever trying to help us one way or other, and we hold him off from that at times because we manage, and that’s our life. With the differences in our natures, we had relationship struggles at some periods, he’d get pretty frustrated at me at times … but in more recent years he’s become more attentive and even affectionate which could not have been foreseen at various times of life.

I will pray your parents will find grace and healthy resolution…and that you will find balance, wisdom, and peace.
God bless you Love

 

[1ke]

so I feel like we should help them.

Have they asked for help? What sort of help do they need? Maybe discuss with your husband what level of support he is comfortable with.

So I feel like I’m this world you will be judged no matter what you do.

Haters gonna hate. You’ve just got to toughen up and learn not to care what other people think and to not need affirmation from others for your choices.

Hard to do, but oh so peaceful when you get there…

 

[upant]

OUR FATHER, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

HAIL MARY, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. (x10)

GLORY BE to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

O MY JESUS, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell; lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy. Amen.

 

[St.Bede]

You’re included in my prayer.