Husband wants to have a vasectomy

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puppylove

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I recently had a baby at the age of 38 and DH is 46. I refused to have my tubes tied for obvious church teachings. DH has two children from a previous marriage --ages 24 and 19 and I have a child from a previous marriage --age 14. Although his children don’t live with us, they are very needy and often problematic. DH mentioned to me this morning about going to see a doctor about a vasectomy. I told him he knows how I feel about this matter. Its a sin! He then told me, “Do you want to practice NFP again and have another one?” I didn’t answer him. What can I do?
 
Try desperately to talk him out of it! After our second child my husband decided to have a vasectomy. I didn’t try to talk him out of it because I knew he would do it no matter what I said. (he is not Catholic) Now, I’m sorry I didn’t protest. I know that he would have done it anyway, but afterwards I felt the need to confess to a priest for I felt I had sinned (and really had because I didn’t protest.) If I had at least protested and tried to forbid him, IMO I wouldn’t have sinned. After all, he could have it done without even telling me if he wanted.

One more solid reason to not marry outside the faith. 😦
 
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The Church considers having a vasectomy a form of self mutilation (a very serious sin, much worse than using contraceptives). Go back to NFP. My children are almost all grown up and how I miss when they were young.

I’m about ready to retire, but I would just love having young children again. I would be able to spend so much more time with them. I would be overjoyed, unfortunately my wife doesn’t agree. She thinks it’s time for the next generation.

I just love being with little ones, they are such a joy. They say the most hilarious things, and their innocence just melts my heart. When the kids were young our home was filled with so much love and laughter. People who don’t like kids, have a serious mental problem… just my opinion.

wc
 
johnq: I think I have that CD. I’ll have to go and dig it out for him. The problem is having him listen to it…

wcknight: I am very much aware that this is self mutilation and is a grave sin. We are currenlty going through the fussy stage with the baby and I guess he thought I would be all in favor of him having a vasectomy, but I’m not. Although I don’t want to have more children, I have to keep reminding myself that if its God’s will we must obey and that HE will provide . DH doesn’t want have relations with me until this is done. Personally, I haven’t felt much like it myself anyway…

Jesus4Me: Thanks… I’ll try to talk him out of it…I’ve been telling him all along that it was a sin…
 
The CD is great…I listened to it while I walked to the park and back. Just tell him he can’t do anything before listening to it…and then insist that you two discuss the vasectomy after he listens to it. Or listen to it together…schedule a drive that takes at least 60 minutes to reach your destination - perhaps to a nice, quiet, small restaurant for dinner - listen to the tape en route…discuss it over dinner and on the way home.

He’s afraid. Have him verbalize what it is he’s afraid of. Show him through Church teaching and scripture that he will not be abandoned. Reassure him that together, in prayer, you can meet whatever challenges he’s facing. He seems overwhelmed because he feels God failed him with this last child, but it wasn’t God who failed him…somewhere along the way something went amiss in yours/his ‘practice’ of NFP. He can’t blame God for that.

Offer to go through a refresher NFP seminar…what went ‘wrong’ can be something you and he can address through discipline. At least it doesn’t require the drastic measure of permanent sterility. And remind him that when that child is born he will see it for the gift he/she truly is. Help him to look forward.

I’d also suggest a Catholic marriage retreat of some sort…check with your priest or diocese for the options available to you.
 
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puppylove:
johnq: I think I have that CD. I’ll have to go and dig it out for him. The problem is having him listen to it…
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How about getting a friend to do it? There will be much more credibility and willingness to listen to a friend than the family member. If no friends come to mind try having a friend or family member invite him golfing, hunting etc… that lives a hour away. “Sure honey, I don’t mind if you go as long as you listen to this CD along the way.”
 
Another thing to remember is the severe long side effects for vasectomies. I am sure someone here can list them for you.

God :blessyou:
 
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