Husband Won't Stand up to Pro-death Co-workers

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My husband works full-time, and lately every night he comes home so stressed out from listening to his co-workers go on and on about how much they love John Kerry and want to have abortions if they ever get pregnant. He and I are both pro-life, and I really feel he should stick up for it a little to his co-workers. I have given him several suggestions of ways he could stick up for life in a non-confrontational, non-insulting manner, but he won’t do it! He just keeps making excuses as to how he doesn’t want to turn his workplace into a place full of political tension (it already is) and doesn’t think it would do any good since he 1. doesn’t think he will change thier votes, 2. He thinks they are too old to get pregnant again anyway, and 3. He has to work with these people, and occasionally ask them for favors, and doesn’t want them to resent him.
He feels he is doing alright as long as he is standing up for life in other places, he just doesn’t want to at his work.
So my question is, should I keep encouraging him to stand up for life at the workplace, or just leave it be?
 
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Christian4life:
on about how much they love John Kerry and want to have abortions if they ever get pregnant.
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How improper for any employment setting! They are intentionally upsetting people in the work place. He should privately speak to HR about this. Even if they believe that abortion is right, it is a private matter and not water cooler conversation at work.
 
He needs to decide what he wants to do. The problem is that if he gets too angry, he may react too strongly and will regret it. He probably needs to say something because they need to recognize that not everyone agrees with them. They are inappropriate. Perhaps you can help him develop a position such as: “I do not share your pro-choice beliefs. I recognize that if I discuss my position on abortion that I won’t change your mind, just as your beliefs will not cause me to change my mind. We need to agree to disagree. I hope you will respect my beliefs and my right to hold them. Because of my beliefs, I am uncomfortable with the frequent discussion about abortion. Let’s find a politically neutral topic.”
 
Could it be that the ladies know that your husband is pro-life and they are trying to bait him? Honestly, anyone who is thinking of getting pregnant just to have an abortion has some serious power issues. Do they do this with others? Or other women? Give your husband a prayer to offer up every time they start. He can preach to them without words, which they probably wouldn’t hear anyway.
 
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Christian4life:
My husband works full-time, and lately every night he comes home so stressed out from listening to his co-workers go on and on about how much they love John Kerry and want to have abortions if they ever get pregnant.
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What a weird thing to say! I think they are trying to bait him and get him in trouble or something. I would continue to ignore them and pray for them.
 
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Christian4life:
I have given him several suggestions of ways he could stick up for life in a non-confrontational, non-insulting manner, but he won’t do it! … So my question is, should I keep encouraging him to stand up for life at the workplace, or just leave it be?
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At what point does “encouraging” turn into “nagging”? 😃

Seriously, he’s the one who knows the nuances of the situation because he’s the one who is actually there everyday in the environment. Based on his observations he has made a decision on how to best handle it. At some point, your constant “encouragement” will start to sound like criticism–criticism from someone standing on the outside of the situation. It’s almost like a back-seat driver.

Sorry if that sounds harsh–it’s not meant to. I just know that if my wife were to constantly pick on me about how I handle my work issues when she doesn’t know the workplace, I would quickly become annoyed.
 
They sound like a bunch of morons who wouldn’t listen to reason anyway. Seems like there’s no point in arguing with them. However, I would suggest that he say, “Hey, you know, this might make other people in here feel uncomfortable, why don’t we talk about something else.” That way, it’ll sound like he’s looking out for other people and not just himself.
 
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StratusRose:
They sound like a bunch of morons who wouldn’t listen to reason anyway. Seems like there’s no point in arguing with them. However, I would suggest that he say, “Hey, you know, this might make other people in here feel uncomfortable, why don’t we talk about something else.” That way, it’ll sound like he’s looking out for other people and not just himself.
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Really do these woman have no tact, what if there was a woman who did have an abortion in the past over hearing them?
 
I think you should leave the decision up to your husband, it’s your husband that has to hear it. I know it frustrates you but it’s not your job to push into something he feels uncomfotable doing.

Some people are more comfortable with confrontation than others. I have no problem taking people on when they say things I believe are wrong but my husband is not, at least not when he’s out numbered. He’s personality is not like mine.

You have to respect your husband for who he is. He’s and adult let him make his own decisions.
 
it’s a tough situation. I’m in a very similar one. I’m in grad school and pretty much every student and prof in my program is a liberal, loves Kerry, and loves abortion. When topics like that come up I usually don’t say anything or smoothly try to change the subject. Mainly I do this because I hate getting into fights. I pray for them privately, but say nothing because it wouldn’t change their minds and would just lead to tension and anger. You have to weigh the benefits and costs of speaking up. If speaking up will create a hostile work environment for your husband or maybe even cause him to lose his job, then what he’s doing now is probably the best thing. As long as he’s praying for these folks, of course!
 
My husband is in a similar situation. He is a social worker, and therefore, works with mostly other women. The union is pushing Kerry down people’s throats (almost every day in my mailbox) and his co-workers buy it hook, line and sinker. Everyone knows where he stands, and he is very good at making it clear without being offensive, so he is not included in much of this talk anymore. At his second job, though, he is surrounded by a bunch of Catholics who are also pushing Kerry. He subtly tries to change their minds, but is afraid to say too much because he doesn’t want to risk his job, and the boss has been very good to him. He does have a large family to support. Sometimes he comes home very discouraged. I find that it is best to just listen and let him vent at home, be supportive and sympathetic, then let him handle it on his own terms. He is a good man and I trust him completely to handle the situations the way he sees fit. If he asks for ideas or literature, I help him out, but otherwise, I let him tackle these issues the way he thinks is best. Hope that helps a bit?
 
Thanks for the advice everyone. I am not trying to nag him, but he does spend most of his day at work, and so that means spending most of his day NOT sticking up for life. That just bothers me.

No, from the way he talks, I really don’t think they are purposely just bating him. He said they were saying that to each other, without really noticing he was there. He hasn’t said anything about his religious or political views, so I don’t think anyone there even knows he is pro-life.
 
I think there are a few issues he must deal with.
  1. The right thing to say.
  2. The right time to say it.
  3. Job security.
Militant pro-abortion people care little for human life. That includes his. While they’re not going to kill him, they certainly won’t care if he’s out of a job. Think about it. Will people who support the killing of innocent people really have any qualms about lying and misrepresenting anything he might say in order to get him fired?

Given that he has a family to support, and speaking up in those circumstances will probably have little effect and could result in far greater harm to the family than the results would justify, it could well be counterproductive to make it a work place issue.

I’m not defending silence, mind you. I’m trying to point out that tactics are everything in a situation like this. A suicidal frontal assault into enemy machine guns doesn’t win any battles. One must flank one’s enemy to achieve victory. There are lots of ways to flank one’s enemy in this situation.

Do you have a large family? He could display baby pictures, and talk about the joys of having a large family. I do this frequently at work. I never complain about having a large family, and quite frankly I have nothing to complain about. By presenting an alterative view about what having children, and lots of them , is actually like, one counteracts the culture of death.

Perhaps he can organize a work-place donation to a home for unwed mothers. That’s a great way to affirm pro-life values without being directly confrontational.

If he feels he’s being harrassed due to a hostile work environment, he should certainly speak with his HR person about it. He would have certain legal protections for doing so in most, if not all states.

A picture of St. Theresa of Calcutta (Mother Theresa) prominently displayed on his desk could be a reminder of where our values should be placed. If people ask about it, it would be a great opportunity to discuss how she cared for the poor and helped orphans and babies when no one else wanted them.

Don’t be too hard on your guy. Being outnumbered and outgunned is not a good situation to be in, and a direct confrontation can be counterproductive. Tactics can be adjusted for that situation.

See my next post for more!

Doug
 
Part 2!
Don’t underestimate the enemy. They will hate him and work against him if they are truly as militant as you say. A while back there was considerable controversy on a fishing discussion board I was on. A pro-death moderator and others kept bringing up their pro-death garbage. It all began when a guy on the board called for population limitation in order to protect the environment so the fishing would be better. Like trout should take precedence over people, and family sizes limited so the fishing elite can have more fish to catch and fewer people on the banks of the river! RIIIIIIIIIIGHT! It kept rearing its ugly head over the years. I was threatened with being banned from the board. People called me names, and made false accusations against me. I was accused of trying to bring the subject back up after it was banned from discussion, when it was the pro-death people on the board who kept making mention of it, not me. It was absolutely preposterous that such a thing occurred on a fishing discussion board. It was supposed to be about FISHING for crying out loud!
😦

When I was threatened with banning, I had finally had enough, so I posted some baby pictures, no words, with a little laughing joker figure at the bottom, with the title “Warning! Inflammatory Post! Do Not Read!!!” Pretty soon members posted tons of baby pictures. It was cool! The pro-death people looked down their nose at me, and there were a few snide comments, but they could say nothing of substance because I had said nothing at all, only posted pictures of babies and titled it “inflammatory”. Unless of course they had issues with cute babies! What could they say? They knew what I was getting at, but I didn’t say anything they could argue with or take out of context without looking silly, and it got a lot of support.

Tactics are everything. It’s about the baby. It’s about the mother. You can’t argue against babies and mothers. What are they going to say? “The baby is ugly! Kill it!”?? That would expose them for what they are if they said that. “Don’t give that unwed mother a dime!”??? That would expose them as caring nothing for women. Focus on those, avoid the argument, and when people come across an argument elsewhere, they’ll be more likely to look at it with a favorable eye.

Flank the enemy when it would be suicidal to charge into the machine guns.

Doug
 
So many things come to my mind. If he were a supervisor for, instance, he should not say anything about their personal life or their religion. Since they are women, I doubt he should be talking to them about abortion.

I think, like another poster, that they meay realize he is conservative, married and religious- and they might enjoy watching him squirm.

I don’t think a workplace is a place to preach. I am sure there are some exceptions, but one has to be careful if they don’t want to be looking for a new job.

I don’t stand up to my coworkers either, and they are mostly women. I am a teacher and I work with classroom aides. I did one time break my own rule. A young, just out of high school, aide said she thought women had the right to choose, but that she could never have an abortion. I said that I thought that ishe was right not to think ws a good choice and that it is actually very harmful to the woman in the long run as well as killing a baby. I had just read a sad story and I told her about it. An older teacher aide almost bit my head off and very defensively said there were too many unwanted children in the world and that I was wrong. I shut up in a quick fashion because I was the supervisor in that situation and I didn’t want to be preaching to them.

We live in a tough world. I do think that sometimes we speak up and sometimes we shut up. Every situation is different.
 
Doug, that was great advice!
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     I also frequently have situations in which my classmates sit pretty near me and talk very loudly about why they are pro-choice while looking at me from the corners of their eyes, just waiting for me to "overhear" (as if anyone in the same hallway wouldn't) and argue with them. 

   This month's "tactic": 

       Since my pro-life club and I are collecting money for a CPC, I find it's best to calmly smile and casually ask if they would be interested in donating any money to the House of Hope, which provides pregnancy tests, counseling, and material items for pregnant women.

    Then they dig into their wallets, I guess not aware that the babies their money is going to help are the same ones whose murder they are condoning. Hopefully some realize that.

    Like you said, Doug, people can't argue against helping babies and their mothers!!!
 
Hey Pro-life teen, I love your idea about asking them to donate to a CPC. My husband and I just read that, and I think it might actually play out for 2 reasons. First of all, if they say no they look stingy, and secondly, they actually claim to love babies, if you can imagine that!
 
Thanks! The House of Hope has a bunch of adorable baby bottles from this company that makes them specifically for the purpose of collecting money. Maybe you can suggest doing it for a local CPC around you; trust me, they would really appreciate it! Here’s all the info: www.http://www.plansforyou.org/html/baby_bottle_boomerang.html

Its a simple idea, but it really really works; the House of Hope has received thousands of dollars when they do this annual drive and so far two members of our club have raised over $150 which is pretty awesome considering it is mostly dollar bills and spare change.

Also, the benefit of a baby bottle is that people usually ask why you have one before you can ask them to donate, giving you the perfect opportunity to ask! Plus it is very cute and credible.

Shameless high donation-receiving tip: Approach a pro-choice someone in a high-ranking position when they are surrounded by a lot of other high-ranking people or customers/clients/parents. No way will they refuse you, and will give more than they usually would, plus then those around, not to be undone, give too.
 
That is so cool, pro-life teen! I’m so glad there are people like you out there counteracting the messages being put out by our society! BTW, my fourth grade religious ed class raised $100 doing chores at home to donate to a local home. They were tickled pink by it! But you’re spreading the message to those who are not Catholic or pro-life, and that is so valuable. Keep it up!

Doug
 
After reading all the previous posts, I’ll just add my 2 cents:

I recommend reading through Stand to Reason’s Making Abortion Unthinkable. They have an excellent study tool for computer- I’ve been using it and am teaching a group of teens currently. The focus is on steering the discussion rather than being garilla zapped with tangential issues.

If folks- women folks are in earshot discussing abortion, what’s the harm in posing a question to them, hear or there?
  1. remember the Dred Scott case, wasn’t the U.S wrong and could the U.S. be wrong again in the case of the unborn babies?
2.Ask if they’ve ever seen an abortion? Bring the video Harder Truth (10 minutes) to work and invite all to view it and then see what they have to say about abortion. They may have some more questions.
  1. Find out when the cleaning crew comes in, and afterwards have you place those small busines cards at the sink of ladies room which states: "Call it choice or call it murder but you certainly can’t call it medicine…with many abortion ill effects and
    statistics listed…available from Life Dynamics.
God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of truth. Jesus said
“Be not afraid” and the truth will make us free.

Praying that people won’t be afraid of sharing the truth for the good of those they work with and live with.

D in AZ
 
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