If the groom is a faithful Muslim, he will be bound to raise the children in his own faith. If the bride is a faithful Catholic, she will likewise also bound to raise the children in her own faith. If one or the other is willing to lie to his or her faith community, to take marriage vows within their creed with no intention to uphold the duties they take on, then it has to be asked where else they will abandon their promises when it becomes inconvenient.
I completely agree that these two religions are incompatible when it comes to raising children. However, Catholic-Muslim marriages are actually pretty common in the world, and I think that both of their spiritual leaders would have a lot of insight and ideas on how to do this smoothly. Until they talk to their respective leaders (together) though, they cannot begin to answer to their families. It’s a one step at a time thing. The good news is that it sounds like they do plan on meeting with them for guidance/
Yes, it is unfair to assume that some certain person will necessarily act a certain way based on their ethnic or religious background, even if they strongly identify with it. That is even more true of assumptions about behavior that is actually rare among those who share that person’s actual background. No, the relatives cannot know what this groom *will *do based on his religious or ethnic background.
I agree, and if someone acts like they can know what he will do they will end up making a lot of unfair and uncharitable discussions.
It is not unfair, however, to realize that marriage as an outsider participating in some particular religion requires you to promise to make certain concessions. It is dishonest to promise to make those concessions with no intention of keeping them! It is also not unfair to recognize it if you are marrying someone who will gain certain legal advantages with regards to child custody and extradition if they flee to some foreign country in the event of a divorce, an advantage that someone else would not have. That isn’t Muslim thing, however; it might apply to anyone marrying someone of a different nationality. Divorce, like addiction, is famous for its power to elicit behavior that no one would ever predict. It is foolish to not to consider these things when contemplating marriage. If you choose to ignore a danger, that is one thing, but failing to even want to know about it is foolishness. A family whose son or daughter is getting into a situation like this without knowing the rules or while claiming the rules do not apply them is a genuine cause for concern.
Actually, if she plans for divorce, she could find herself in an invalid marriage, which also doesn’t work. Yes, there are some real issues here, but I can’t imagine a way to bring up to a newly engaged woman the idea that her intended is a would-be kidnapper without immediately shutting down the conversation and doing serious damage to the relationship. The first issues need to be how they will get married in accordance with the rules of their religions and how they will raise any children.
If Muslims on an Islamic website were not expressing very similar concerns about a Muslim man marrying a Catholic woman who is serious about the practice of her faith, I would be extremely surprised. It is not bigoted on their part to wonder out loud if their son is likely to convert to Christianity or might allow his children to be raised Catholic! These are reasonable concerns, not bigoted notions. It is exactly what our marriage vows say, what our applications for dispensation for disparity of cult say! Why would we find it bigoted when they fear that we mean what we teach?
Oh for Pete’s sake I never said that those were bigoted notions. The only notions that I said were bigoted were the idea that he A. is lying and plans to change everything once they are married, and B. is a kidnapper. Please stop making it sound like I’m minimizing a lot of very real familial concerns here. Just because I am standing up for the fiance does not mean that I endorse this idea. Like I said earlier, it’s a moderate approach to a touchy and sensitive issue.
No, I don’t think it fair to believe this fellow is deceitful or violent, any more than I think it fair to believe the bride has deceitful motives. I do think it entirely fair to predict trouble on the horizon when a faithful Muslim man marries a faithful Catholic woman, at least if they are remotely likely to have children. Anyone who sees no problem with that is terribly naïve. If you are only objecting to the more extreme predictions, that is entirely fair. If you are objecting to predictions of trouble and think they betray a lack of trust in the bride and groom’s maturity, I think that shows a lack of appreciation of the situation.
That’s interesting, because many of your earlier posts indicated that you believed that he was telling the bride a lot of things that he didn’t actually mean. That was my issue. And for the millionth time, I am not saying that this is not a problem, I’m saying that people need to cool their jets and look at this calmly and rationally.
