I’m not judging you but ………

[Salonika]

I’m not judging you but ……….

When people say this to me (whatever the context) I feel they are (adversely) judging me, especially when this is followed by a description of how what I am doing or saying deviates from what they consider to be required, the norm, or what is required and say that I should change what I am doing/thinking/considering.

Do other CAF members have the similar reaction to this statement as I do?

If not what is your reaction to such a statement.

Does it make any difference if the word “but” is missing?

 

[Snerticus]

Usually when they say this they are judging either your actions or reasoning on a particular matter, not you. This as far as I can tell, is acceptable, because if we couldn’t judge something like say, murder as being bad or feeding the poor as being good, then we wouldn’t be able to follow Christ. This is not to say they may have misinterpreted your actions or motives, however. That can and sometimes is the case as well.

However, judging a person would be like saying “you’re a total nincompoop!” and the person saying it would have judged you to be unworthy of any type of good and doesn’t want to bother with you at all. This type of judgement was forbidden by Christ, as only God can judge a person. I recently had a judgement like this from a supposed fellow Catholic. I just told them my peace, let God handle the judging and prayed that they would come to understand that potential damage could be done by that. Then, I let it go.

If they judge your actions or motives, just take that as criticsm. It would give you good pause to examine what you had done so you can try to see it their way, and remedy any misunderstanding that may have occured from it.

Most of the cases I’ve seen have been a judgement about the actions or reasoning behind the actions of someone. I haven’t read any posts of yours but I would venture to guess that most likely that’s what’s been happening with you.

God Bless,
Snert

 

[apromisemade]

Ya know, someone once said something about the word “but” that I really couldn’t agree with more.

“When someone says “so and so, but,” that “but” for me translates into, “forget what I just said, here’s what I actually mean”.”

I dunno, that’s just what came to mind when I read your post.

 

[mikehullhull]

Who cares if someone judges you? Its not their judgement that ultimately matters… it’s Christ’s judgement that matters and by the same measure they judge you so also shall they be judged and likewise. If my neighbor told me Im on the road to Hell so what? However when the risen Son of God and King of Kings says I am being wicked thats when it’s time to reevaluate my situation!

 

[Eucharisted]

No offense, but here’s something that’ll offend you. I’m not disagreeing with you, but here’s why I don’t agree with you. Not judging you, but I do judge your words. It’s nothing personal, but it is against your person.

 

[j2c99]

No offense, but here’s something that’ll offend you. I’m not disagreeing with you, but here’s why I don’t agree with you. Not judging you, but I do judge your words. It’s nothing personal, but it is against your person.

 

[srlucado]

I grew up in a small town. One of the kids next door used to say hurtful things to me and then conclude it by adding “…no offense”–as though that made it all right.

Obviously, he said that not to make me feel better, but to salve his own conscience.

I wasn’t fooled, though apparently he fooled himself with that sort of thinking; years later, he became mayor of that small town, then had to resign when he was caught in a sex scandal with a very young woman.

My points are these: “I’m not judging you, but…” means “I am in fact judging you, and harshly, but I’m too much of a coward to do it directly”; and those who engage in this sort of hypocrisy often have their comeuppance.

(Never soon enough, though, it seems.)