I accidentally skipped some people while distributing communion!

[joshvanrad]

On Sunday I accidentally skipped a family during communion and I didn’t realize it until after mass. I feel absolutely terrible and I’m not sure what to do. This is the first time it has happened since I started distributing that I know of. It is a husband and wife and their handicapped daughter. She is wheelchair bound and requires someone to move her. I saw both of the parents look at me from a few pews back and I just smiled back at them. Later, I realized they were staring at me to try and get my attention because I forgot to stop over and give them communion.

I feel absolutely horrible about it. Should I talk to them and address it the next time I see them in church? Am I holding on to it for too long, and should I just let it go? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Joshua C.

 

[1ke]

If you feel moved to tell them you spaced out and apologize, then do so. But I don’t think it’s necessary.

The parents could have wheeled her up. The parents could have flagged down an EMHC. The parents could have grabbed an usher for help. They could have made arrangements before Mass began as to how they would proceed during communion. They could have done a lot of things. Simply sitting in the pew and looking at you is ambiguous at best-- you are not a mind reader.

You might also mention to Fr that it would be a good idea to predecide who will step out and go to give communion to the handicapped that do not approach the altar, and also to coordinate with ushers to notify the designated EMHC where such persons are located in the nave and how many there are. A little pre planning can go a long way to making sure no one is overlooked. Also, Fr might want to announce at Mass that the first X pews are for those with mobility issues so they can easily have communion distributed to them.

Just bring it to your pastor.

 

[pensmama87]

I think the family would very much appreciate an apology, and in all likelihood will not hold it against you. It is the kind of thing that can very easily happen, and when you apologize, just be sincere and say that you are sorry you missed their family, and did not realize what had happened until after Mass was over. I highly doubt they view it as an intentional slight.

If the daughter normally attends Mass with both parents, perhaps you could ask one of the parents come up and remind you if you forget again, or don’t see them, at the end of the line, so you could just do it afterwards.

It sounds like this is an EMHC responsibility in your parish, but I will tell you that in our parish the ushers are responsible for pointing out to the EMHCs people who will not able to come up to receive. So, when you arrive in Mass, you can just tell an usher, and there will be one EMHC assigned to bring Communion just to those folks. When I’ve been nursing a baby or handling a fussy child in the back, I’ve had ushers ask me a few times if they would like an EMHC come to the back for me, as well. I am not sure how big your parish is, but it would be very difficult for an EMHC to know who to go to otherwise - after all, not all people have obvious disabilities, and some people may not be receiving that day. That’s a lot to keep track of when you’re also trying to distribute Holy Eucharist to a line of people!

 

[dconklin]

I am the dad to a kid in a wheelchair as well as an EMHC and an usher. It should be up to the ushers to make sure everyone is served. Don’t worry about because I am sure you will be a little bit more vigilant to those who need extra attention. Lesson learned.

 

[joshvanrad]

I am the dad to a kid in a wheelchair as well as an EMHC and an usher. It should be up to the ushers to make sure everyone is served. Don’t worry about because I am sure you will be a little bit more vigilant to those who need extra attention. Lesson learned.

Thanks a lot for your response. This certainly has given me a lot of peace over the issue.

In our parish it is a responsibility of the EMHCs to give communion to those who cannot come up and receive it. Generally the first 2 rows of pews have the people who require someone to bring the Eucharist to them. I have had people that have come up and said “My mother needs communion to be brought to her. Etc” during communion as well, and that has worked out well.

After hearing the responses it would probably be a good idea to bring this up to my pastor. We are short on volunteers at my parish and we lack consistent ushers, but it sounds like there are better options than the way we are going about doing things right now.

Thanks a lot for the advice,
Joshua C.

 

[tawny]

If you feel moved to tell them you spaced out and apologize, then do so. But I don’t think it’s necessary.

The parents could have wheeled her up. The parents could have flagged down an EMHC. The parents could have grabbed an usher for help. They could have made arrangements before Mass began as to how they would proceed during communion. They could have done a lot of things. Simply sitting in the pew and looking at you is ambiguous at best-- you are not a mind reader.

You might also mention to Fr that it would be a good idea to predecide who will step out and go to give communion to the handicapped that do not approach the altar, and also to coordinate with ushers to notify the designated EMHC where such persons are located in the nave and how many there are. A little pre planning can go a long way to making sure no one is overlooked. Also, Fr might want to announce at Mass that the first X pews are for those with mobility issues so they can easily have communion distributed to them.

Just bring it to your pastor.

Exactly. In my church where I am a EMHC, there are spaces available for parishioners with wheelchairs and those handicapped who are unable unable to get on a communion line in the front of the first pews.

 

[phil19034]

I am the dad to a kid in a wheelchair as well as an EMHC and an usher. It should be up to the ushers to make sure everyone is served. Don’t worry about because I am sure you will be a little bit more vigilant to those who need extra attention. Lesson learned.

Please keep in mind that not all Parishes use ushers. And some only use them for Christmas, Easter, etc.

 

[pianistclare]

If you feel moved to tell them you spaced out and apologize, then do so. But I don’t think it’s necessary.

The parents could have wheeled her up. The parents could have flagged down an EMHC. The parents could have grabbed an usher for help. They could have made arrangements before Mass began as to how they would proceed during communion. They could have done a lot of things. Simply sitting in the pew and looking at you is ambiguous at best-- you are not a mind reader.

You might also mention to Fr that it would be a good idea to predecide who will step out and go to give communion to the handicapped that do not approach the altar, and also to coordinate with ushers to notify the designated EMHC where such persons are located in the nave and how many there are. A little pre planning can go a long way to making sure no one is overlooked. Also, Fr might want to announce at Mass that the first X pews are for those with mobility issues so they can easily have communion distributed to them.

Just bring it to your pastor.

YES! At our parish, the ushers eyeball the crowd and ask the elderly or handicapped if they need assistance at Communion time. Then they inform the priest or one of the Deacons and it all gets taken care of without fuss.

 

[CarolNoel]

I am the dad to a kid in a wheelchair as well as an EMHC and an usher. It should be up to the ushers to make sure everyone is served. Don’t worry about because I am sure you will be a little bit more vigilant to those who need extra attention. Lesson learned.

This is what we do at our church. The ushers are on the lookout for anyone that may need to stay put to receive the Eucharist.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Please keep in mind that not all Parishes use ushers. And some only use them for Christmas, Easter, etc.

Still it is really the pastor’s responsibility to work out a method to accommodate people like the family in the OP. Even if he just designates an EMHC to go to all the handicapped in the pews.

I do agree though that the parents could have made more of an effort to get communion for themselves and their child.

Also if they were very concerned or upset, they likely would have said something to father right after Mass.