I am being attacked spiritually

  • Thread starter Thread starter ellam25
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

ellam25

Guest
Hello everyone,
I am so embarrassed and have not spoken to anyone about this, (including my huisband) so I am turning to the internet, which I suppose is a good and a bad thing. It’s been a while since I posted, so hi everyone. 🙂
warning: TMI Post
So to start I have a beautiful three year old daughter. When I was pregnant with her, I had what some might call a porn addiction, where I would feel the temptation of self abuse and give in, and then feel absolutely disgusting afterwards. After I had her, that went away, almost completely, and I blamed it on raging pregnancy hormones.
Three years later, I am pregnant again and just recently I began having dreams that were extremely sexual, constantly. The other night I actually had a dream that I was surfing the web looking at a porn website and two days ago I actually gave in and looked and committed self abuse. Twice.
I feel absolutely disgusting and horrible and I feel like the devil is laughing at me and sending me these dreams in an attmept to corrupt the innocent bodies that I am carrying.
I am so ashamed and feel like a horrible, nasty, unfit mother and wife. I have not gone to confession yet, believe me I am planning to as soon as possible. Is it possible that I am being spirtually attacked and if so what can I do? Please don’t just tell me “talk to a priest” because I really, really dont know if I can. I am embarrassed just writing this now and none of you can see my face. Please pray for me
 
Thanks for being brave and asking .
I’ll keep you in my prayers,God bless and take care.
 
It might be spiritual, but it honestly sounds hormonal from what you’re saying.

Let me just tell you, as someone who hears confessions, this isn’t the worst sin ever and you’re not horrible, unfit, or nasty. God would never say that about his most precious creation. That’s the real temptation, when our sin makes us despair so that we don’t see the gift that we are, and we don’t see God’s goodness reflected within ourselves.

Go to confession. And don’t be so hard on yourself. You know that the hormones are raging, so try to be vigilant. Find ways to reoccupy your thoughts when the temptation comes along. And if you fall, don’t beat yourself up. You’re not alone in struggling with this and it’s nothing to despair over. Just keep trusting in God and seeking his grace.

-Fr ACEGC
 
I am sorry you have such negative feelings about yourself with regards to this. What you are going through is completely normal, because your hormones are completely not what you are used to, as you are pregnant.

If you believe masturbation is immoral, then talk it over with your priest. He may have some strategies he can give you. One thing is for sure, being down on yourself because of this issue isn’t helpful to anyone, including yourself.
 
Thank you for your reply, Father. It helped me feel a lot better.
I have been trying to pray the rosary lately, and before I go to sleep at night, I have been trying to say a prayer to St. Michael and Our Lady of Fatima to help to keep me pure. I just want to protect my children from this and I want to stay pure. So far I feel like a failure haha
 
QwertyGirl said:
asturbation is immoral, then talk it over with your priest. He may have some strategies he can give you. One thing is for sure, being down on yourself because of this issue isn’t helpful to anyone, including yourself.
Click to expand...
Thank you, I agree with you. I’m glad to hear I ma not alone, although honestly I have never heard of a girl who watches porn and is tempted like men. Thank you again
 
Try to keep yourself busy, so that there won’t be time spent alone with your computer. I will pray for you.
 
Seems like when the demons are on the rampage again with me, 15 decades seems to work [not five]
 
You have that desire to be pure and that is a big win. It all starts with desire. God sees that. That’s an important Grace to start with.
 
Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on Ellam25, help her in her current situation and have mercy on the whole world. (x10)

I did pray a decade of my daily Divine Mercy Chaplet for your intention.
 
There are plenty of women who are also addicted to porn unfortunately.

Regarding your struggles it is definitely pregnancy hormones (I am sure you have seen the effect on your normal marital relations with your husband). You may also have more of an understanding of the temptations men struggle with (hormones have a lot answer for!)

It’s a well known phenomenon during pregnancy that women’s sex drive increases. Maybe next time you feel this way wake your husband, I doubt he will complain.
 
You should try to filtrate what kind of websites you have available on your internet / computer / phone etc. Also, don´t sit with your computer all alone in your bedroom. Try as good as you can to shake off the impure thoughts.

Be patient with yourself & go to Confession.
 
Last edited:
joyfulandactive said:
It’s a well known phenomenon during pregnancy that women’s sex drive increases. Maybe next time you feel this way wake your husband, I doubt he will complain.
Click to expand...
Haha, great advice!

Another point worth mentioning is that if a hormone surge is responsible, there may be diminished culpability.

This is a great opportunity for the OP to visit the confessional, where I’m sure the priest will reassure her as Fr. Edward did.

The bad thing about when we fall, is that we fell. The good thing about when we fall, is that it gives us an opportunity for a face-to-face encounter with our merciful Lord in the confessional. Despair is the best tool in the Devil’s toolbox, and he uses it with glee because it is so effective. A sacramental encounter with God is the best defence against it.
 
ellam25 said:
I have never heard of a girl who watches porn and is tempted like men.
Click to expand...
That’s the issue for us girls…society says we are to be pure and untouched. Men are somehow raving sex machines and it’s our job to stop them. You have a body, you have hormones, you will get turned on. Take a step back, prohibitions against masturbation usually have a component about not being open to procreation…something you definitely are not, certainly not now. Do you feel like you are putting a strain on your affections for your husband? I’m not saying you shouldn’t avoid porn or masturbation, but before you keep beating yourself over your head about it, consider where your heart lies on these topics. There are things to avoid, but why you do them can say much more about the situation.
 
Thank you for your kind reply. I do not feel like the self abuse or porn has put a strain on our intimate life, however we rarely are intimate because of my husband’s schedule. He works nights, so of course during the day my three year old is there and by the time he gets home at 1130 I am usually exhausted because the pregnancy has been taking a LOT out of me.
I will definitely be talking to the priest during confession. I hope I am able to explain the situation fully without sounding full of excuses lol
 
A great idea is installing porn blocker on all devices and then having friend type in password so can’t be accessed. Then it can’t be bypassed by user.
 
ellam25 said:
however we rarely are intimate because of my husband’s schedule.
Click to expand...
Welcome to motherhood! You are a loved child of God, rejoice in that. Sexuality is a gift from God, maybe it leads you in a way of sin, but honestly I think God would rather us give new life to the world than obsesses over porn.
 
ellam25 said:
I am so ashamed and feel like a horrible, nasty, unfit mother and wife.
Click to expand...
This here is the red flag for me in all of this. Yes, you are being spiritually attacked because this feeling is not from God, that is the accuser. We all have our struggles! Porn is NOT unique to men! The fact that you care enough to better yourself is evidence enough to me that you’re like an amazing wife and mother.

I’d honestly work hard to break out of the shame of it and talk to your husband. The shame that the enemy gives is is designed to isolate us to keep us under the power of Sin. It’s designed to shame us to make us feel like we are alone, and keep us from getting the help we need. God didn’t create you for shame, he created you for power and glory!
 
Blessings on you for being a mother.
The heart that beats under yours will outlast the universe so take courage.
Yes hormones play a role
Remember that Satan is a predator
He attacks each of us in our weak areas.
He will use any means
He will wait until you are tired, weary, in pain, sick
Apart from your spouse rejected by your kids etc etc
Then he may strike.
His flaming arrows can be twisted thoughts, feelings, smells, dreams so real that you think you’ve been there. He can twist an image of your attraction.
Sexual sins are common.
Most men won’t get thru a day with out many broken desires playing thru their minds.
Confession yes
Your excessive guilt is part of Satans game.
He wants you feeling like a maggot.
He hates you
He never sleeps
That’s the bad news but Satan is the father of lies

The good news: you are a saint of God. A child of the king of heaven and earth. Grace and humility can block and blind Satan. God loves you way more then the devil hates you. God will not allow Satan to try you beyond your abilities ( providing you fight with grace)
Mary ( a woman of 16 ) crushed satan. You have a guardian angel. You will be in heaven someday.

Suggestions:
For every sexual thought or feeling or image during the day, pray—- Lord Jesus Christ son of God, purify the eyes of my heart
Rebuke the devil with The help of the Spirit
Try adding:
Satan you take that poison, I will have Jesus.

Watch how fast the image or feeling vanishes.
As for dreams, invite the Holy Spirit to protect your mind. I sleep with a rosary in my right hand.
I’m surprised to find myself still clutching it on awakening. The rosary is a weapon of great force so be ready always to invoke our Lord thru Mary’s heart

Lastly ask your husband to fight for you. It’s his job.
Tell him your battle
Ask him to fast one day a week for your purity.
Have him pray a rosary DAILY for you.

I have 8 children so I’ve seen a thing or two.
Peace of Christ
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top