I am beyond lost

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Carlodivina257

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There was a time it seems so long ago that I was so sure I was going to be a priest. That the very thought of it filled me with a happiness that I couldn’t describe. As a kid I knew I wanted to do something that helps people because I loved to do that there was many occasions that I would give the shirt off my back so to speak and I even helped people away from suicide. It seemed a natural evolution to the priesthood and so I began studying on my own the faith to prepare for that day I would enter the priesthood. That day never came be it that my high school grades, or my mother trying to dissuade me, or countless vocation directors telling me I’m not ready, it never happened. Still I felt the call of The Lord and I said to myself “self your only 19 and you never kissed a girl or did anything kids your age do, go out and learn”

Now I’m 24 years old I’m so depressed, I can’t find a good job anymore because when my last job let me go I made some bad decisions to try and stay afloat and ruined my credit. And I learned that I am gay, and no I haven’t kissed any guys or had any gay sex or any sex for that matter. I know it’s wrong and I have kept that part buried deep inside me. There is countless things more that are wrong with my life considering I tried killing myself tonight. I had my dad’s gun in my hand but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t be a priest because not only is my credit bad I know I am gay and gay men can’t be priests considering that i am unholy and unworthy of Gods love for feeling this way. I just to feel like I used to when I could feel god and his love when the smile from someone I helped was the best feeling in the world. When I knew god loved me
 
If you are having suicidal thoughts then you need to get some help right now. Do you have a close friend/relative you can stay with or have stay with you? If not go to the nearest emergency room. Don’t try to handle this alone.

Praying for you.
 
Self diagnosis of psycholigical problems is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.
Please go to your nearest Rectory and ask to see a priest. When you see him, ask for a referral to a good Catholic psycholigical counsellor. You need professional help…it will help you.
 
Thank you for sharing. Many people will pray for you here, including me;)

Please know that God loves you. You are struggling with our fallen nature! You can overcome with the grace of Jesus Christ. This means starting with sharing with people you trust in the Lord.

May our gracious and most loving Lord Jesus come to your help, Amen

Peace my friend,
Michael
 
Carlodivina257 said:
There was a time it seems so long ago that I was so sure I was going to be a priest. That the very thought of it filled me with a happiness that I couldn’t describe. As a kid I knew I wanted to do something that helps people because I loved to do that there was many occasions that I would give the shirt off my back so to speak and I even helped people away from suicide. It seemed a natural evolution to the priesthood and so I began studying on my own the faith to prepare for that day I would enter the priesthood. That day never came be it that my high school grades, or my mother trying to dissuade me, or countless vocation directors telling me I’m not ready, it never happened. Still I felt the call of The Lord and I said to myself “self your only 19 and you never kissed a girl or did anything kids your age do, go out and learn”

Now I’m 24 years old I’m so depressed, I can’t find a good job anymore because when my last job let me go I made some bad decisions to try and stay afloat and ruined my credit. And I learned that I am gay, and no I haven’t kissed any guys or had any gay sex or any sex for that matter. I know it’s wrong and I have kept that part buried deep inside me. There is countless things more that are wrong with my life considering I tried killing myself tonight. I had my dad’s gun in my hand but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t be a priest because not only is my credit bad I know I am gay and gay men can’t be priests considering that i am unholy and unworthy of Gods love for feeling this way. I just to feel like I used to when I could feel god and his love when the smile from someone I helped was the best feeling in the world. When I knew god loved me
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O Lord, comfort your wounded servant Carlodivina, and may he be pulled from the valley of the shadow of death. I will join the legions of saints and angels in Heaven in adding his name to my prayer intentions each night on this Holy Lent, while he gropes for aid and recovery. Deliver him from all evil and into the light of your face. As he once helped people in their misery as a very young man, may he, too, find those who will now do the same for him.

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy!
Our life, our sweetness, and our hope!
To thee do we cry, poor banished
children of Eve, to thee do we send
up our sighs, mourning and weeping
in this valley, of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious advocate,
thine eyes of mercy toward us; and
after this our exile show unto us the
blessed fruit of thy womb Jesus;
O clement, O loving, O sweet virgin Mary.
Pray for us, O holy Mother of God
That we may be made worthy of the
promises of Christ.

Amen :crossrc:
 
Carlodivina257 said:
There was a time it seems so long ago that I was so sure I was going to be a priest. That the very thought of it filled me with a happiness that I couldn’t describe. As a kid I knew I wanted to do something that helps people because I loved to do that there was many occasions that I would give the shirt off my back so to speak and I even helped people away from suicide. It seemed a natural evolution to the priesthood and so I began studying on my own the faith to prepare for that day I would enter the priesthood. That day never came be it that my high school grades, or my mother trying to dissuade me, or countless vocation directors telling me I’m not ready, it never happened. Still I felt the call of The Lord and I said to myself “self your only 19 and you never kissed a girl or did anything kids your age do, go out and learn”

Now I’m 24 years old I’m so depressed, I can’t find a good job anymore because when my last job let me go I made some bad decisions to try and stay afloat and ruined my credit. And I learned that I am gay, and no I haven’t kissed any guys or had any gay sex or any sex for that matter. I know it’s wrong and I have kept that part buried deep inside me. There is countless things more that are wrong with my life considering I tried killing myself tonight. I had my dad’s gun in my hand but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t be a priest because not only is my credit bad I know I am gay and gay men can’t be priests considering that i am unholy and unworthy of Gods love for feeling this way. I just to feel like I used to when I could feel god and his love when the smile from someone I helped was the best feeling in the world. When I knew god loved me
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Praying for you to get the help you need immediately
 
Carlodivina257 said:
There was a time it seems so long ago that I was so sure I was going to be a priest. That the very thought of it filled me with a happiness that I couldn’t describe. As a kid I knew I wanted to do something that helps people because I loved to do that there was many occasions that I would give the shirt off my back so to speak and I even helped people away from suicide. It seemed a natural evolution to the priesthood and so I began studying on my own the faith to prepare for that day I would enter the priesthood. That day never came be it that my high school grades, or my mother trying to dissuade me, or countless vocation directors telling me I’m not ready, it never happened. Still I felt the call of The Lord and I said to myself “self your only 19 and you never kissed a girl or did anything kids your age do, go out and learn”

Now I’m 24 years old I’m so depressed, I can’t find a good job anymore because when my last job let me go I made some bad decisions to try and stay afloat and ruined my credit. And I learned that I am gay, and no I haven’t kissed any guys or had any gay sex or any sex for that matter. I know it’s wrong and I have kept that part buried deep inside me. There is countless things more that are wrong with my life considering I tried killing myself tonight. I had my dad’s gun in my hand but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t be a priest because not only is my credit bad I know I am gay and gay men can’t be priests considering that i am unholy and unworthy of Gods love for feeling this way. I just to feel like I used to when I could feel god and his love when the smile from someone I helped was the best feeling in the world. When I knew god loved me
Click to expand...
Praying for you to get the help you need as soon as possible.
 
1) Right now, DO NOT WAIT, call the Church rectory and ask to talk to a priest, tell them that this is an emergency - and then get yourself to the nearest Emergency Room** you’ve taken a gun to yourself, you need help and Because we can not get to you in person, we here can give you only our prayers - Father can help you get the emotional, spiritual, and physical help that you need.
You can not do this by yourself!
Trust me, I’ve helped many people with depression and the desire to hurt themselves, you need the help of your family, of your parish, and from professionals!
  1. God Loves you. :yup:
  2. How do you know that you suffer from same sex attraction? Be careful here, Satan doesn’t always come out with the pitch-fork and porno to tempt you. No. Mostly, He waits, along with those that serve him, and they work thru your own self doubt and pity and he uses the media and others that have been corrupted to pull in the unsuspecting… taken some quiz? NO, just think you are? I suspect that this is simply part of the depression you are going thru… Right now, DO NOT WAIT, call the Church rectory and ask to talk to a priest, tell them that this is an emergency - and get yourself to the ER!**
  3. Even if you do suffer from same-sex-attraction, I advise you to read CCC2357-2359 especially 2359
CCC2359 (click here for the english version on the Vatican Website)2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection
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All is not lost; however, you need help from those closest to you, so once again, call the rectory, tell them that it is an emergency, get yourself to the nearest ER and get help

(looks like I cross posted with a bunch of members - and we’re all saying the same thing!)
 
My friend,
You are young, the credit thing will pass, it can be repaired in time. As far as your vocational interests are concerned, there is also time to address that later.

Please do seek help, pastoral and professional. Once things begin to cool down you can revisit what are really lesser issues. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t always ASK for the crosses we have to bear. You are not a bad person just because you think you are gay.

It saddens me that you have been considering suicide, especially when your life is just getting started. You have so many possibilities! Please seek out help and for lent… be kind to yourself and pray the Rosary. Reignite your spiritual life!

I will include you in my prayers. :gopray:
 
I just wanted to tell you that I’m in a very similar situation. I’m 22, I’m also gay, and I’ve felt called to the priesthood in the past, but currently my faith life isn’t so good. Also, I’ve struggled with depression in the past, and it sucks. Luckily I knew something was terribly wrong with me, so I sought professional counseling, and it was very helpful.

I recommend you do that ASAP. Find a counselor tomorrow, and call them!

Anyways, you were created in the image of God. This is a cross that you’ve been given, and that I’ve been given. And, it sounds like you’ve done a good job bearing it so far! Remember, even if you had committed those sexual sins, God would still love you. God isn’t conditional in who He loves, and He doesn’t love based on how closely people follow His Will. He loves you unconditionally, and He loves all people unconditionally.

God loves you right now, even if you can’t feel it. He loves you!

Now, you need to get help ASAP. If it can be someone in your immediate family, or a friend, I would call or text them TONIGHT! If not, get professional help ASAP. Trust me, it will be worth it, I had to go through counseling myself.

Praying for you.
 
Carlodivina257 said:
Now I’m 24 years old I’m so depressed, I can’t find a good job anymore because when my last job let me go I made some bad decisions to try and stay afloat and ruined my credit. And I learned that I am gay, and no I haven’t kissed any guys or had any gay sex or any sex for that matter. I know it’s wrong and I have kept that part buried deep inside me. There is countless things more that are wrong with my life considering I tried killing myself tonight. I had my dad’s gun in my hand but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t be a priest because not only is my credit bad I know I am gay and gay men can’t be priests considering that i am unholy and unworthy of Gods love for feeling this way. I just to feel like I used to when I could feel god and his love when the smile from someone I helped was the best feeling in the world. When I knew god loved me
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If you can’t find a good job then pray on it and don’t give up hope. As for the bad descesion you are going to have to live with those till you recover sorry to say. Being attracted to men is not a sin this is what the Church teaches. Kissing and having sex with men is a sin so you have not sinned don’t be depressed. I took a knife to my neck and tried to slit my own throat but the knife wasn’t sharp enough so I know what that is like except I was going to go through with it. Don’t ever try to do it again you will only put yourself in hell and cause everyone around you even more pain which is what you DON’T want to do. Who said gay men can’t be priest? I don’t think anyone will reject you for that and also you are not unholy you are not a demon. You are a sinner but all the saints where sinners to. You say you are unworthy what kind of prideful **** is that. JESUS DIED FOR YOU! Jesus thought you where worth something!. God still loves you it is you that doesn’t live you . Pray hard tonight my Gaurdian will be with you.
 
Your life isn’t over yet. Like everyone else has said, get help. Once you get to dealing with your depression and other problems (get financial counseling as well), things may start to ease up. It won’t be easy, but I have faith that you can do this. Then start praying about your vocation and talk with your priest as well. Any kind of spiritual guidance should help a great deal. I’m praying for you, stay strong.
 
Carlodivina257 said:
…I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t be a priest because not only is my credit bad I know I am gay and gay men can’t be priests considering that i am unholy and unworthy of Gods love for feeling this way. I just to feel like I used to when I could feel god and his love when the smile from someone I helped was the best feeling in the world. When I knew god loved me
Click to expand...
God does love you. He loves you, He loves me, He loves Pope Francis, He loves Ted Bundy, He loves the homeless man on the street, etc. I think it’s rather dangerous to think that God, who is known to forgive the sins of all, doesn’t in the same stroke love all persons.

Instead of calling yourself gay, and defining your life by your sexuality (it would be rather obtuse to tell people I’m straight), perhaps you should consider yourself a person, who also happens to have attractions to the same sex. I think it would be a much healthier outlook on your part.

Having attractions to the same sex doesn’t bar you from the priesthood. Acting on them does, similarly to how acting on attractions to the opposite sex as a priest would similarly be a cause for concern.

Pray to God, He’ll help you through this tough time you’re going through. 👍
 
One of my favorite priests
once told us during a sermon
that one time he came really close to suicide …
and also because of his doubts
about Jesus really being present in the Eucharist,
he ran away from the rectory three times,
and each time, came back, knocked on the door,
was forgiven, and was let back in.
I considered him an excellent priest.
He went through some hard times,
but with faith the size of a mustard seed,
and the grace of God,
came through.

Praying for you.

:blessyou:
 
I think everyone at some time in there life have such periods. The devil tries to take advantage of these states. Perhaps you could do some volunteer time in your diocese and get to meet some fine upright young ladies. When I volunteer I meet all sorts of happy people and young folks involved in all sorts of things.

No one IS ‘gay’, that is a cruel label satan wants us to attach to ourselves. No one IS the sin, so the belief that one IS homosexual is rooted in despair. One comes to feel all is lost and he must succumb to this destiny. Infatuations if not shirked immediately become more implanted in the mind. This is a phase in the process that lets down one’s guard. It must occur first in this downward spiral. The only ones that ARE the sin are the damned by desire.

I think the answer is a social life. Join a bowling team or make it a point to get out and meet people. Postpone a religious life at this time, orient to getting yourself back to society. If you are called for a religious life, it will come back to you and you will know, only this time with a clear head and heart.

God bless.
 
Praying for you.

Nobody is born ‘gay.’ I would suggest that you find a St. Benedict medal and Green Scapular. I pray St. Michael the Archangel and his holy legions to surround you.

Oppression. Obsession. Possession. That is how Satan works. He also gets in through blasphemy, lust, and resentment.

Don’t worry about credit. God will straighten it out.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
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